Got “randomly” selected for drug testing at age group nationals yesterday right as I came across the line. The USADA guy was actually brave enough to come up to me and grab me as I was puking on my shoes (and his) and escort me about a mile away to the waiting area.
Interestingly, of the ~15 or so athletes, only 2 were over 30, and most everyone had finished relatively high up. The two athletes over 30 had both finished in the top 3 overall in the past few years. The rest were all between 20 and 29 and, perhaps most hilariously - of the 15, I knew 12 of the athletes quite well through all different means, so it was actually nice to have some company while I sat around chugging water and gatorade for 3 hours waiting to pee (It took 17.5 bottles of water and gatorade and 3 hours for the urge to hit). It was about the same, 2-3 hours for most everyone else as well.
Since we left right from the finish, none of my friends or family knew where I was and pretty much assumed I had died on the course. It was pretty stupid they didn’t let us grab our phones at least from the bag area before heading over. That was a bit stressful - particularly for my friends/family who were searching for me for the 4 hours after I finished.
Despite waiting 3 hours for my dehydrated body to finally discard some fluid into my bladder, once the urge finally hit me it was pretty intense. Unfortunately they didn’t have enough processors to take you in once you finally could muster up the goods. So I got to squirm and wriggle around doing the peepee dance for another half hour waiting. Before getting to go in and do your business, you have a bunch of paperwork to fill out, including thinking of anything you might have put in your body for the last three months. I’d had surgery about 6 weeks ago and was in was the hospital for over a week on just about every painkiller and drug you could list, so trying to come up with the names of that stuff was pretty mentally exhausting given how poorly my brain was functioning at that point.
Once in there, you’re completely naked - and this was the biggest surprise - they actually have to watch the stream leave your body. Talk about stage fright!! So that was another 20 minutes mustering the concentration to squeeze it out. Most Awkwardly Painful Experience Ever. Luckily I managed to hit the 90 ml on the dot before freezing up again, and just barely made the specific gravity necessary - or I might have been there forever.
All in all, pretty much my personal purgatory and given that I’d had a pretty poor race - it was simply not how I wanted to spend my afternoon! I wish blood testing was more economically feasible - we could have been out of there in 20 minutes. That said, it’s awesome that they’re out there doing it. Wondering though how random it was, and if limiting the randomness to guys in younger age groups makes sense. Thinking about who might have access to peds, I wonder if it might actually be some of the older age groups with the money and resources to pull that off.
