I have had to stop running as of December 2nd. I have sciatica problems, been doing PT But so far, nothing getting better. Going in for a MRI tomorrow.
I have been feeling so shitty lately, and I was thinking I am having a case of the “Post Holiday Blues” which would be odd, because though I get a little sad when the holidays are over, I have never been depressed before when the season ends.
I have been battling the demons that say I will never run again. I can bike and swim, but the thought of never doing IM or another marathon is frightening.
I am a runner. I want to be Ironman.
Running saved me from chemical addiction. Running helped me to lose the 150 lbs I gained during my “10 year bottle journey” Running brought me complete and total happiness.
The thing is: I know even if I really never could run again, I will be fine. I love my family, my kids, my wife. I can mountain bike, swim, learn mountaineering etc. But “not knowing” is driving me nuts.
Is it possible that the lack of running “chemically” is making me depressed? I am used to running 40+ mpw. I am still training as I said, but the motivation to work now on my bike and swim, is based on returning to running again for Triathlon.
I am in a constant state of panic. Looking at a Christmas tree, or the living room, makes me feel panicky. Have I lost my mind?
I am a VERY happy person. People always ask what my secret is.
Bummer - but, it happens to most of us at one time or another. I highly doubt that you will have to give up running. You just need a little time to heal.
Answer your question: Yes, you are missing the endorphin high from running. However, you are now many weeks without running so you are more likely dealing with a sense of “loss” and thus one of your purposes/challenges in life. I am not a psychologist so I can only say what i have heard.
Maybe not the same but you may be able to relate. It is very common to get Ironman blues. Not only do people have a physical reaction to the decreased training but they also get a mental reaction. You become unsure what you next goal is (or purpose). Happens to a number of elite athlete’s in any sport when they retire.
Find a new focus and new goal and let your body heal. Sounds like you have a nasty injury and you should heed your doc’s advice. Coming back too soon can cause greater problems down the road.
Hope that helps, cheer up, it is not the end of the world,
I think what you are feeling is normal, I have had some serious bouts with PF and my Achilles, both times left me unably to run for quite awhile but both times I was able to comeback. I trained much on the bike and in the water with PF and came back to do my first triathlon (soma 1/2) a few years ago. While dealing with my Achilles problems, I biked more than ever and swam lots, also did lots of weights, came back from that one to finish my first IM and no worse for the wear. ART worked for me, and so did icing, stretching and strengthening religiously. For me at least, I always feel like any injury I have starts out, gets worse and worse, finally it peaks and starts healing and getting better and better everyday. My achilles took three and a half months to really get better.
I don’t know about the chemical aspect. But I’d say you’re not alone. It also sounds like you’ve got a pretty good grasp or outlook on the matter.
For me…
The mental/emotional side of dealing with injury is the toughest part of the sport.
Doing nothing is soo much harder than any kind of training. The nice thing about tri is that often times an injury or condition only knocks you out of one sport. You’ve got that going for you.
The couple of times I’ve been injured, I slip into a bit of the sky-is-falling, all-is-lost-what-now mindset. For me it’s quite a hurdle to flip the mental switch out of that mode, begin to look at it as another type of challenge. Albeit more of a mental challenge, in addition to being aggressively or affirmatively positive - finding the underlying cause of something if it’s chronic, doing the rehab work, etc.
Having other things to focus on in your life is no doubt good advice. I’m trying not to keep so many of my happy eggs in the training basket. But, nothing wrong with recognizing that running is something you value.
As a fellow “runner” I know it may ring a little hollow, but after all, as I say, you can still swim and/or bike until you get the run issues sorted. Keep it positive.
Every time I get hurt, I am always panicked that I’ll never be able to run (or swim) again. You think about what a big part of your life it is, and then if you can’t do it there’s this void… I think it’s normal to feel upset, sad, loss, angry, worried, anxious, afraid… pick your emotion. I think that an injury is as psychologically shattering as it is physically. The thing is, injuries usually heal if they’re taken care of. You don’t get to decide the time frame, but if you take care of yourself, it’ll likely heal.
What do you think you’re panicky about? The not knowing if you’ll run again? Something else ?
So you are panicky, and depressed. How can you cope? (don’t ask me for suggestions, this is the part I get stuck on too)
What you are feeling sounds quite normal. I get very blue when I feel some goal of mine is slipping away or that I have lost the ability to do something. Meanwhile, focus on what you can do, not what you can’t.
I feel your pain. I went through a serious episode of the blues back in 2005 when I moved from Philly to SOuth Carolina. Had to quit my job and leave all my friends because my wife is a Dentist in the Army and she got stationed there. Then, we had to move again from SOuth Carolina to Richmond, VA. What a frickin’ mess. It was not an injury but it was a life changing event that kept me down (mentally) for almost two years.
The funny thing is that befor the move, I was doing quite well. Either winning local races or placing top 10 in the larger USAT sanctioned races. I used to weigh 155 in peak race shape but then after moving, my head was all jacked up and I got depressed and this debilitated me to the point that I could not run. I went up to 194 and felt like Jabba the Hut. Eating like crap and NOT Exercising. BUt let me tell you something… Running is s life sport and what may appear as a kink in the road may be a blessing in disguise.
The good news is that you are getting some therapy and if you find a good doc, who insists on aggressive treatment, you should be back on your feet.
I am finally starting to emerge from my hiatous now that I have settled in with my new job. I’m steady in my approach and look back on the last 2 years as a learning experience.
Hang in there and don’t let the negative thoughts bring you down. You will be back and running!
I have been where you are. In 2001, I hugely herniated my L5/S1 but because it was a central herniation, I had no sciatica and it was not correctly diagnosed for 9 months. Before I was finally sent for a catscan, I was an emotional mess. Physical discomfot led to emotional discomfort which led to physical discomfort, etc. I had one final chapter to write in my masters thesis and it took me the entire 9 months. I thought of a life without being an athlete (I could barely walk by the end) and it seemed worthless to me. The pain left me too exhaused to do anything besides work…I walked away from most relationships besides those with my family.
The two saving graces: 1–finally getting that scan that said exactly what was wrong with me and 2) finding out that it was something that could be fixed with surgery. That neourosurgeon saved my back, but she saved my life, too.
If you are feeling depressed, especially if you have a history of drug/alcohol addiction, make sure that your medical providers know this. Chronic pain-induced depression is an easy path to a road you seem to have traveled before. The first question my neurosurgeon asked me after she agreed to do the surgery was if I had a history of addiction. I said no, but asked why–she responded that she’d clear her schedule and do the surgery ASAP.
Keep us posted on the results of your scan.
BTW…6 years later I am the proud mother of a three year old and have raced another ironman. My back is not 100%, but it is close enough that my heart and soul can be 100%.
I just realized that I suck at swimming so much, that this could be great for me
Actually, it really took me out of the fog a little. Proves to me that if I can go swim 9:30 at night, while depressed and fighting a cold, that I wont lose the motivation to keep going no matter what happens to me.
I am 48 and have been running and lifting for over 30 years. Over the last 18 years, I have had may running injuries. Surprisingly, I seldom get injuries from lifting. With me, depression always accompanies running injuries. In fact, the only reason I started biking and swimming was so that I could do something cardio at times when injuries prevented me from running. You will get better and run again. It just takes longer to heal as we get older. Good luck.
I just realized that I suck at swimming so much, that this could be great for me
Actually, it really took me out of the fog a little. Proves to me that if I can go swim 9:30 at night, while depressed and fighting a cold, that I wont lose the motivation to keep going no matter what happens to me.
Good. Keep swimming
I’m no doc,but I think you could be chemicaly depressed from not being able to run.
I had the same thing happen to me with my IT band ,docs said I’d never run again.
I was out 2 years,didn’t run a step.I was climbing the walls and very depressed.
Well, I’m running again ,faster than ever ,so don’t believe what “they” tell you.
If you want to ,I’m sure you’ll run when your body is ready.
Good luck, and keep swimming and biking to stay fit.
Second, I know what you are going through. I was seriously injured on July 25th and was jsut cleared to start training again yesterday (yippee). Take comfort in the fact that you are able to train at all, and try to shift your focus to the areas that you are not as strong in.
Don’t feel crazy for being depressed/anxious. This is really common. You are missing alot of endorphins if you have gone cold turkey from 40mpw and you need to find someway to replace them (don’t try the bottle again though as it does not help in anything but gaining weight).
Well,
I did the MRI. I haven’t met with the Dr. yet, that happens Thursday. My wife works in the Radiology dept at the hospital, so I have the results in advance.
It seems I don’t have a herniated disc…I have two
The S1/L5 we kinda knew about is 12mm putting pressure on the nerve. It is listed as “moderate” The other is L5/L4 is 4mm and is listed as “mild to moderate” I really dont know what this means yet. I have an appointment on Thursday afternoon to see what the Dr says. I am very nervous.
Any Doctors or patients out there that know what I should expect?
In your case just HTFU is not the answer. I think you need to look into talking to a sport psychologist, they can teach you effective strategies for coping with injury to reduce the feelings you are having. One of the greatest things I can tell you is to positively image yourself recovering. Some people have gone as far as to image their body repairing itself, image as their ligament heals and they take unassisted steps. Then they see themselves jog, run, sprint, and turn again. Sport Psychology is not one of those whacked out things anymore it can actually be very useful especially for someone like yourself who is injured.
I think it is interesting how when I am injured, I can’t even picture running or whatever without pain, it always seems like it will never go away, however, once the problem is under control it is hard to see how you could feel the way you did.
Irish, it sucks that you are hurt, but now at least you know what is wrong and it is something that can be fixed, that seems like a step in the right direction for you.
