I moved in with my wife about a month ago. She has two cats. One is old (19) and has peed on the bed (at night, once on her side and once on mine) twice since we moved in together. Wife says it happens when he is stressed. She insists on letting the cat sleep on the bed. I said if it happens again, we need to put an end to this. She thinks the cat will die in 1-2 years and doesn’t want him to be lonely if he has to sleep in another room or isn’t allowed on the bed.
Thoughts?
I moved in with my wife about a month ago.
?
I moved in with my wife about a month ago.
?
Newlyweds.
How drunk are you right now?
Prozac. Seriously. Not pink.
Edit: the prozac is for the cat.
If this were a long-standing marriage, I’d insist that you get priority over the cat. But, so soon after getting married you may not want to push the issue too hard, too soon. Cat diapers are a fair compromise.
I moved in with my wife about a month ago.
?
Newlyweds.
How drunk are you right now?
And this is the first time the cat’s met him? What is he a mail order husband?
If this were a long-standing marriage, I’d insist that you get priority over the cat. But, so soon after getting married you may not want to push the issue too hard, too soon. Cat diapers are a fair compromise.
I moved in with my wife after we married. She owns a house, I don’t, so it seemed logical. Her house is also closer to my work so it made sense. Most of the time we spent together was at my house, not hers (her elderly mother just moved out and into a care home) so the cats are just getting to know me. The stress isn’t from me either so much, but from New Years (house full of family members, little kids and cat getting no attention, and then the other night my wife had influenza so she slept in another room. The cat was locked out and was stressed about it.
So those are the reasons for the cats stress apparently. Its not like he utterly can’t control himself.
Just wondering if others have dealt with this type of thing. The Red Pill guy in me says I shouldn’t put up with it. Period. Like I said, I told her if it happens again, then we need to find a permanent solution to this problem. At the same time, she has had the cat for 19 years and so I want to show some sympathy.
I’m interested in your use of the words “red pill guy in me.†What do you mean by it?
I just looked it up and dictionary.com says “Online, red pill is especially used among anti-feminist and white supremacist groups to refer to “waking up†to the truth that women and liberal politics are oppressing men and white people.â€
Are you using “red pill guy in me†to suggest you just woke up to the truth about the oppressive nature of cats? Or the oppressive nature of cat pee?
I’m interested in your use of the words “red pill guy in me.†What do you mean by it?
I just looked it up and dictionary.com says “Online, red pill is especially used among anti-feminist and white supremacist groups to refer to “waking up†to the truth that women and liberal politics are oppressing men and white people.â€
Are you using “red pill guy in me†to suggest you just woke up to the truth about the oppressive nature of cats? Or the oppressive nature of cat pee?
It comes from the Matrix originally. Not a white supremacist, or anti-feminist. Just believe in a man having some authority in a relationship. Even 50/50 is fine if the other person can compromise fairly, reasonably. Not interested in becoming a beta (push over) that does nothing about a cat pissing on his bed. Do you want a definition of “beta†too?
I’m interested in your use of the words “red pill guy in me.†What do you mean by it?
I just looked it up and dictionary.com says “Online, red pill is especially used among anti-feminist and white supremacist groups to refer to “waking up†to the truth that women and liberal politics are oppressing men and white people.â€
Are you using “red pill guy in me†to suggest you just woke up to the truth about the oppressive nature of cats? Or the oppressive nature of cat pee?
It comes from the Matrix originally. Not a white supremacist, or anti-feminist. Just believe in a man having some authority in a relationship. Even 50/50 is fine if the other person can compromise fairly, reasonably. Not interested in becoming a beta (push over) that does nothing about a cat pissing on his bed. Do you want a definition of “beta†too?
I’m big time alpha. I’ll tell you a few hacks if you want.
Prozac really helps. Mostly stopped our stressed cat from peeing on everything.
Otherwise, if you can’t handle a little cat pee, don’t even think about having kids.
This is a not atypical behaviour of a cat under stress. The source of the stress, unfortunately, is you: cats are tribal and territorial, and you’ve invaded both. He needs time to adjust to you - your presence, and your unique set of smells, which are completely alien to him.
Not sure what the US equivalent is, but in the UK we have Feliway, which is an odourless pheromone that comes in a thing that plugs into a wall socket. Very good for calming stressed cats.
Booting him off the bed will very likely make the problem worse, I’m afraid.
Just believe in a man having some authority in a relationship. Even 50/50 is fine if the other person can compromise fairly, reasonably.
Generous of you.
tri_kid wrote:
Barks&Purrs wrote:
I’m interested in your use of the words “red pill guy in me.†What do you mean by it?
I just looked it up and dictionary.com says “Online, red pill is especially used among anti-feminist and white supremacist groups to refer to “waking up†to the truth that women and liberal politics are oppressing men and white people.â€
Are you using “red pill guy in me†to suggest you just woke up to the truth about the oppressive nature of cats? Or the oppressive nature of cat pee?
It comes from the Matrix originally. Not a white supremacist, or anti-feminist. Just believe in a man having some authority in a relationship. Even 50/50 is fine if the other person can compromise fairly, reasonably. Not interested in becoming a beta (push over) that does nothing about a cat pissing on his bed. Do you want a definition of “beta†too?
I’m big time alpha. I’ll tell you a few hacks if you want.
I feel like I haven’t told you lately that I adore you. I adore you.
I think the cat has sniffed out a misogynist attitude and is responding appropriately.
Just believe in a man having some authority in a relationship. Even 50/50 is fine if the other person can compromise fairly, reasonably.
Generous of you.
I think its fair to say MOST women want an assertive man in a relationship. Seems some don’t, or are just really triggered by men who might have watched a Joe Rogan or Rich Cooper podcast. I’m coming from a very controlling relationship (with a Japanese woman) that was very resistant to compromise and used no common sense. So, just trying to be more assertive with my new partner. Its not like I’m planning or talking about the cats inevitable death with her. I actually thought I was going to get some good pet/relationship advice on here, but it seems some people are more interested in attacking falsely perceived male misogyny.
Happy wife happy life. Also 20 yo cat. Give it a break. Your wife grew up with this cat so you cannot win this one.
Not interested in becoming a beta (push over) that does nothing about a cat pissing on his bed.
You mean her bed, right? Suck it up and buy a new mattress when the cat dies. You’re already getting a free house out of the deal.
I think its fair to say MOST women want an assertive man in a relationship.
You have bigger problems than cat pee.
Seems some don’t, or are just really triggered by men who might have watched a Joe Rogan or Rich Cooper podcast.
Isn’t everyone who’s not Joe Rogan trigged by Joe Rogan?
For those who are curious: can you succinctly explain the “mens rights movement” as espoused by Cooper so we can all understand your perspective?
So, just trying to be more assertive with my new partner.
Have you mentioned this yet to your next ex-wife?
It seems some people are more interested in attacking falsely perceived male misogyny.
If I had to guess, others here are doing the same thing I did and responding to what you wrote.
As others have said, cat’s peeing while stressed or pissed or whatever is relatively common.
To be blunt though, I know plenty of people that have had this problem and they were never able to stop the cat from peeing on the bed, clothes, etc… and cat piss is not like a little baby’s as someone said above. It smells horrible, very concentrated and will ruin stuff. People have to eventually get rid of the cat or make them outdoor cats if they can’t stop it.
Try prozac as suggested. Put a waterproof liner on your mattress asap so you don’t ruin your mattress. Also consider making it an outdoor cat if that is a possibility.
But like was suggested, unfortunately this is baggage she brought into a new marriage, so you can’t go to hard on this and may just have to manage through it, instead of insisting on getting rid of it or whatever. That won’t fly. Your wife has likely had that cat a LOT longer than she has known you.
Also, cats can live up to 20 years, so this may be an issue a lot longer than you think.
This is a not atypical behaviour of a cat under stress. The source of the stress, unfortunately, is you: cats are tribal and territorial, and you’ve invaded both. He needs time to adjust to you - your presence, and your unique set of smells, which are completely alien to him.
Not sure what the US equivalent is, but in the UK we have Feliway, which is an odourless pheromone that comes in a thing that plugs into a wall socket. Very good for calming stressed cats.
Booting him off the bed will very likely make the problem worse, I’m afraid.
We have Feliway in the US as well. It comes as a plug in. We used it when we bought the new house years ago and the cat at the time had never been anywhere but the old house. Results varied. It did calm the cat, but it also caused it to not acclimate to the new surroundings, and instead hide in a corner and sleep. After a few days we turned it off.