I got invited to the bat mitzvah for the daughter of my best friend. I cannot attend. Neither I nor my friend are Jewish so no reference point there, and though I have known/do know many Jewish folks, I’ve somehow never managed to attend a bar or bat mitzvah.
If I was invited but cannot attend, am I supposed to still send a gift, like you do with a wedding? Should it be an actual gift? Is cash too gauche? What’s the socially acceptable price range for gift/cash for the daughter of an upper middle class family?
Oy Vey grasshopper. Not Jewish but have been to a few. Money is cool but is usually given in multiples of $18. That is a comfort number like good karma. I am sure others will kick in with better answers, but that is what my go to Neighborhood Jewish Grandma told me many years ago.
I got invited to the bat mitzvah for the daughter of my best friend. I cannot attend. Neither I nor my friend are Jewish so no reference point there, and though I have known/do know many Jewish folks, I’ve somehow never managed to attend a bar or bat mitzvah.
If I was invited but cannot attend, am I supposed to still send a gift, like you do with a wedding? Should it be an actual gift? Is cash too gauche? What’s the socially acceptable price range for gift/cash for the daughter of an upper middle class family?
Your friend isn’t jewish but daughter his having a bat mitzvah?
I would send a card with regrets and $108 in cash. Cash is a common gift in multiples of $18.
Your note should wish her a long and happy life.
This, except a lower $ figure is also ok, depending on your financial situation and how close you are to them. Giving cash in the form of a check is not considered crass or thoughtless in Jewish culture in the US.
I got invited to the bat mitzvah for the daughter of my best friend. I cannot attend. Neither I nor my friend are Jewish so no reference point there, and though I have known/do know many Jewish folks, I’ve somehow never managed to attend a bar or bat mitzvah.
If I was invited but cannot attend, am I supposed to still send a gift, like you do with a wedding? Should it be an actual gift? Is cash too gauche? What’s the socially acceptable price range for gift/cash for the daughter of an upper middle class family?
Your friend isn’t jewish but daughter his having a bat mitzvah?
Send a card with cash.
It’s a bit non-standard.
I was raised Lutheran. My friend was tangentially raised Congregationalist, now effectively atheist. My friend’s wife is Mexican-American, raised Roman Catholic in Texas, converted to Judaism in her 30’s. Now their elder daughter is having a bat mitzvah.
My buddy and his wife are smart, thoughtful people and I don’t doubt the sincerity of her conversion, but even after a few conversations I don’t really understand what motivated it, and I don’t fully understand how they are handling religion in the household in re: their children.
I do know that I love my buddy and his family and I’m grateful to have been included on the invite list even though I live a thousand miles away now, so I’d like to be a good friend and do what’s right and socially acceptable/expected in this situation.
My friend was tangentially raised Congregationalist, now effectively atheist. My friend’s wife is Mexican-American, raised Roman Catholic in Texas, converted to Judaism in her 30’s. Now their elder daughter is having a bat mitzvah.
Everyone saying card+cash, multiples of 18 are correct. But this sounds like a bat mitvah with a guest list not full of Jewish relatives, so no one else will know what to do either. Do what seems right, and if you know the girl well, feel free to do something more personal.
I got invited to the bat mitzvah for the daughter of my best friend. I cannot attend. Neither I nor my friend are Jewish so no reference point there, and though I have known/do know many Jewish folks, I’ve somehow never managed to attend a bar or bat mitzvah.
If I was invited but cannot attend, am I supposed to still send a gift, like you do with a wedding? Should it be an actual gift? Is cash too gauche? What’s the socially acceptable price range for gift/cash for the daughter of an upper middle class family?
Your friend isn’t jewish but daughter his having a bat mitzvah?
Send a card with cash.
It’s a bit non-standard.
I was raised Lutheran. My friend was tangentially raised Congregationalist, now effectively atheist. My friend’s wife is Mexican-American, raised Roman Catholic in Texas, converted to Judaism in her 30’s. Now their elder daughter is having a bat mitzvah.
My buddy and his wife are smart, thoughtful people and I don’t doubt the sincerity of her conversion, but even after a few conversations I don’t really understand what motivated it, and I don’t fully understand how they are handling religion in the household in re: their children.
I do know that I love my buddy and his family and I’m grateful to have been included on the invite list even though I live a thousand miles away now, so I’d like to be a good friend and do what’s right and socially acceptable/expected in this situation.
I wish you could go to the bar mitzvah. My kids and I attended one via zoom during Covid times, and it was really cool. I recall thinking the young woman had prepared for the event very well and conducted herself perfectly during it. I cannot recall the overall meaning of it, but it was inspiring. My kids and I were delighted by what we learned, and we felt inspired. It was a very thoughtful and cool event.
