Looking for ideas how to balance triathlon and family life a little better. I’ve been a single dad my whole triathlon career so I just went full out tri when I didn’t have my daughter. But now I live with my gf and her daughter, and I’ve been gaining tons of weight and skipping an absurd amount of training days just to keep the house together. Anyone have any advice how they keep plenty of training time and healthy eating? Or is a little fat and under trained the new normal?
I’m married with 2 kiddies (10yo and 7yo).
I tend to do most workouts either before they wake up in the morning, or after they’ve gone to bed. So before 7am, during the lunch break, or after 8-9pm. The weekend long ride is an exception, and they know I go out for a few hours at a time. The family is generally supportive and involved, and enjoy accompanying me to events where reasonable.
Reading this back I realise I am quite fortunate to have a tolerant family. Some are not so lucky.
The mrs carries on with her stuff when I’m doing a workout, and doesn’t mind as long as I don’t wake her up when I sneak downstairs, and I bring her a coffee in the mornings when she wakes.
As for healthy eating, we try to teach healthy habits by example. I’m no saint when it comes to diet, but most of the stuff that’s good for me is also good for them. So win-win. Nobody forces portion sizes, so eat as much or as little as needed.
Bottom line - kid/family time is exactly that, and absolutely takes precedence. A missed workout here or there doesn’t compare with missing time with the little’uns. And that’s OK.
This is my life since my kids were born (6 & 18months).
The healthy eating is up to you, my weight is 80% a result of my eating, exercise just makes my muscles nicer.
What matters more? Sounds like your people matter more than your training right now, and that’s okay. Acknowledging it is better than beating yourself up because you are missing training.
My littlest doesn’t sleep through the night yet, so I’m tired 99.9% of the time. Sometimes I use it as an excuse and sometimes I suck it up and work out anyways.
My recipe for success (although I’m in a slump ATM) - swim early. Like before everyone is up. I go twice a week and I’m home just as everyone is getting up for the day. I run with the dog (two jobs in one!) at least a few times per week. Either after supper or after the kids are in bed. Biking is easy in the winter - hop on the trainer and get it done. Long outside rides are a thing of the past (for now) and I’m sort of okay with that. Sometimes I leave work early on a nice day and ride before I have to pick the kids up from daycare/school.
I’ll be checking in to see if anyone has the magic solution - it’s not easy but I really miss being fit.
My advice would be to plan as much as possible, both meals and workout time. I asked the same question just after my son was born and generally found the “Family comes first” advice to be un-helpful, but the sad fact is it’s true. After 10 months of being a dad, it has become the new normal to not be super competitive and triathlon focused.
In general, you always have control over what you put in your mouth, so cut out the junk and you’ll keep some fat off. Then focus on getting the critical workouts in and cutting the dead-time (set up, driving to workouts, etc.). If your GF is into healthy eating, try cooking and meal prepping so you don’t have surprises in your diet.
Best of luck to you.
It is hard, but can be done . . . it is a matter of choices. Our kids are now 18, 16, and 14. I believe I have done 19 IMs SINCE they have been born (I work a lot, coach kids, spend time with family, etc.) I have written on this topic many times at www.IronmanLawyer.com If you are interested, start at The Door and read the articles in that series. You can also search training and family (“training family” without quote marks). After all these years I am still adjusting how I put all the pieces together.
Also see The Dilemma and links.
Good luck!!
I’m married with a 10yo daughter. I started endurance sports about the time she was born. One thing that I try to do is to communicate what my workout goals for the week are with my wife. We discuss when the best time for the long workouts are, and if there is anything out of the ordinary she is needed from me. I have also started taking my daughter on my daily runs. She will scooter or bike next to (ok, ahead of) me.
Good luck.
I’m married with 2 kiddies (10yo and 7yo).
I tend to do most workouts either before they wake up in the morning, or after they’ve gone to bed. So before 7am, during the lunch break, or after 8-9pm. The weekend long ride is an exception, and they know I go out for a few hours at a time. The family is generally supportive and involved, and enjoy accompanying me to events where reasonable.
Reading this back I realise I am quite fortunate to have a tolerant family. Some are not so lucky.
The mrs carries on with her stuff when I’m doing a workout, and doesn’t mind as long as I don’t wake her up when I sneak downstairs, and I bring her a coffee in the mornings when she wakes.
As for healthy eating, we try to teach healthy habits by example. I’m no saint when it comes to diet, but most of the stuff that’s good for me is also good for them. So win-win. Nobody forces portion sizes, so eat as much or as little as needed.
Bottom line - kid/family time is exactly that, and absolutely takes precedence. A missed workout here or there doesn’t compare with missing time with the little’uns. And that’s OK.
This is me, except only one kiddo. Only downside is the wife used to do this stuff too, and now is a little jealous that I get to ride and tri and she doesn’t. Not that she can’t, but just does not have the time to put into making it worthwhile. She needs more sleep than I do, so when I get up at 430, I’m good to go, where she would be worn out by dinner if she tried to pull that off.
I am 27, me and my wife do not have a super young child in our home but we adopted her niece about 8 months ago. It was a major change in both our lives. I consider myself a decent racer and attempt to be competitive as possible. Typical training week is about 11.5 hours and last week I reached a bit over 16 for the first time this year. I work 60 miles away which equates to a 75-90min drive with traffic. A typical training day is something along the lines of 4:30am wake up. first workout start at 5:15 after a strong shot of espresso, done by 6:30-7, out the door for work and arrive by 830. Off at 5 and head home for second workout. start by 7 done by 830-9 and leaves 45minutes for family time! Its hard but for the time being my goal is to be as competitive as possible and luckily my wife is beyond supportive of the goals I have set. For eating the best advice I had ever heard was along the lines of…
If it comes in a wrapper or out of a drive thru window don’t eat it, if you cannot identify what part of the animal it came from don’t eat it, if it comes in a metal can don’t drink it. If it came from the ground eat it, if you can identify the part of the animal it came from eat it, and always drink water. Obviously there is acceptations to that rule but as a whole I think its pretty sound,
Check out the book Fast Track Triathlete by Matt Dixon. It’s geared towards long course racing but I think it applies to all distances. Lots of great info.
married here with a 2yr old and a newborn… right now and for the next few months i decided to take a break from TRI, but i can tell you that all of my PR’s came after my first daughter was born. i have a particular situation as my wife also trains so it was extra difficult bc we both want to train, so a few tips:
- prepare a schedule! this is the best advice i got… we would prepare a by-weekly schedule and post it in the fridge… so we both knew whose mornings are whose and who is running long! (my wife stopped doing TRIs but still runs marathons and bikes a lot).
- get a running stroller… this actually allows you to put on some strength training together with your run and helps you be more flexible with the schedule: if my wife had a longer run or bike on a sunday i would do my long ride on saturday, and a 8-10 mile run with the kiddo in the stroller… (she would generally fall asleep after a couple of miles…)
- break your long sessions: one trick my coach used was to break my long run in two shorter runs on mondays, so i would do a longer, 11-13 mile run in the AM and a shorter 6 mile run in the PM… that way i freed up one day of the weekend where i would only do the short stroller run i mentioned before.
- whenever possible i would squeeze a swim during my lunch break… i am lucky i have a pool around the corner from the office…
hope this helps!
Father of twin 3 year old boys here.
Scheduling is the most critical part. I let my wife know what days I’m training and around what time I’m starting and will be finished. She is supportive of my hobby so that goes a long way.
Along the same lines, keep track of your days and when you have free time. My best time to train is at nighttime. I get the boys ready for bed and my wife takes it from there while I hit the bike or the treadmill.
Be honest with yourself also. I’ll say I’m too busy to workout some days and it’s just because I was too lazy to get in the work. However, some days I am truly too busy.
Fast Track Triathlete or Time Crunched Triathlete.
Also, you need to be with someone that understands that a person is a person and not a parent only. If that’s true, they will gladly swap time with you. You have work and time with kids or work at home, and they do. One watches kid while other does something. Then you swap. They don’t have to be an athlete, they could just be grabbing coffee or a drink with the girls out.
My wife and I have kids and share this view and it works out. We still go on date nights together, we both have 1:1 time with the kids, and we both have personal time.
Especially time once kids are in bed. If you have younger kids, no reason a kid under middle school age should have a bedtime after 8:30. It’s BS the parents who let their kids tear ass around till 10PM. Then when they’re older, they have homework or friends anyway. Perfect time to crank out 90min on the trainer. Most Americans watch TV or sit on their smart device at night anyway.
You also need a long-term compromise in your head. Sure, there are age grouper IM folks and successful bike racers with kids and family and jobs…but, we don’t see what goes on behind the scenes with a spouse/parent blowing 20hrs a week on training. Just know ahead you can’t do it all.
I’ll likely upgrade my bike racing category pretty quick, but peak out at a 3. I don’t have time for anything other than that.
You’d be amazed what you can do with a focused 5-8 hours a week. Focused though, not farting around on eternal slow ass group rides with 3 coffee stops. Getting your zones and TSS in and getting out.
As a single parent its not about choices. Two kids under 6, everything is a single pint of failure to the plan and the choice.
Thanks for all the helpful advice. Keep it coming. Great to get a lot of heads together as I’m sure I’m not the only one stuck in this slump. One thing that has been working I should say is I have a YMCA family membership and we do that for swimming, kids splash around in the small pool, I do laps. Which now is the one thing I’m doing well. But it’s the only thing I have been doing. Def willing to hear suggestions. I’ve never been good about planning workouts but I’ll sit down tonight with the boss and see if her and I can’t work out a schedule.
My wife and I have three kids (5, 6 and 9) and we both do this. This is our second year of Tri, and 4th year of running…She’s got a funky 7 days on/7 days off schedule, so she’s a little more relaxed about getting things in. I’m a little more competitive.
We take advantage of our local YMCA’s child care and use that to go to spin classes, masters swims and our local tri group meets there for spin/swims.
I swim/bike/run during my lunch break at work. I get about 30 minutes a day doing this.
We both get up early and when the weather is nice, get our runs in before 6:30a–and when it’s really light out, get some biking in.
On the weekend, we switch off. Often, she will run x miles in one direction…I’ll wait a little bit, load the kids in the minivan and go meet here somewhere…and I’ll run back while she takes the kids. It’s fun, it works and we both get “our” time.
My experience is fairly similar to that of others above. Two kids, 5 and 2. My wife runs (just did her first marathon), so we have to balance our training needs. Now that her major race is past, I get first dibs on training time. When she was working toward the marathon, and I was in offseason, she got first dibs.
I tend to do my workouts before work and before the kids get up. That means they often don’t see me until after school, but they know what I’m doing and they’re all about it. On weekends, it’s a lot harder to figure things out, mostly because there are a bunch of other activities competing for my attention. My wife and I talk about the training needs every week, which is a big help. The kids come watch the races, which also helps, because they get to see and be a part of the rewards of training.
I hope you get it figured out in a manner that works for you.
I’m married with 2 kiddies (10yo and 7yo).
I tend to do most workouts either before they wake up in the morning, or after they’ve gone to bed. So before 7am, during the lunch break, or after 8-9pm. The weekend long ride is an exception, and they know I go out for a few hours at a time. The family is generally supportive and involved, and enjoy accompanying me to events where reasonable.
Reading this back I realise I am quite fortunate to have a tolerant family. Some are not so lucky.
The mrs carries on with her stuff when I’m doing a workout, and doesn’t mind as long as I don’t wake her up when I sneak downstairs, and I bring her a coffee in the mornings when she wakes.
As for healthy eating, we try to teach healthy habits by example. I’m no saint when it comes to diet, but most of the stuff that’s good for me is also good for them. So win-win. Nobody forces portion sizes, so eat as much or as little as needed.
Bottom line - kid/family time is exactly that, and absolutely takes precedence. A missed workout here or there doesn’t compare with missing time with the little’uns. And that’s OK.
Exact same here.
I would use the word “supportive†about my wife loosely though. It’s more like she is ok with it. She is glad I have a hobby I am passionate about, and staying healthy, but like you eluded to, those long weekend run/rides can be a challenge. Especially during my kids sports season.
You just got to stay open and willing to switch things around and know when it makes more sense to skip a session and or cut it short because more meaningful life events, like a kids game, recital, etc take precedent.
I should say my family is supportive they just don’t understand. It’s a lot of “well can we get pizza today and we’ll eat healthy tomorrow” and “Just one more store then we’ll go home” followed by “sorry I didn’t think it would take that long” so there’s some figuring out to be done. Especially in the Massachusetts cold.
Married, two kids, 18 months and 4 years.
I pretty much threw in the tri-towel when the first was born, there is no time to train for all three events at this stage. Decided to become a one sport guy. Running seemed the easiest as it was my background and its quickest. Did great (one major race a year) until number two was born, after the initial newborn stage I got planter fascitis and I couldn’t run. Got into gravel biking and winter fat biking and I’m hooked.
At this point I set my goal as 4-5 hours of training a week, few days running, few days biking. I will do one or two races a year but I don’t race them seriously. I always have this itch to train really hard, but at this point with the kids so young and you want to focus on family, just staying in shape is all you can do.
Also be ready to bike or run in the dark after bedtime or before wake-up. If you can, utilize the lunch hour.
It’s tough and no easy answers. I’ve been trying to get to bed as early as possible and wake up early for workouts. Unfortunately, your social life suffers.