I’m considering moving up to Ironman distance next year and am trying to balance my life away from training with the long hours it will take to prepare. After my Ironman, I don’t want my next big personal test to be a divorce
To those of you that have gone long, or anyone else, how have you balanced the enormous time commitments of Ironman training with your commitments as husband/wife/father/mother/etc.?
Any specific tips or strategies to balance training and other commitments and obligations?
Does anyone know of a “support group”, a forum, or any other source of information for significant others coping with the obsessive triathletes in their lives?
Depends. Tell us a little more about your situation. Married how long? Kids? Job? Athletic background?
If you’re going to devote 15 - 25 hours per week to train for an Iron distance event you need to have an understanding family. Have you talked this over with your spouse? Do they understand your need/desire to do this? If this is a one-time event it might be fun to involve others in your quest (think support crew). If this is a new hobby that will continue for the years, you need to reach some common understanding.
Some of us train in the early morning before kids are awake. Some train in the evenings when kids are in bed. Most everyone here trains long on at least one weekend day, if not both.
Strategies for balancing training and the rest of your life? There have been lots of discussions on this forum about that subject. My advice, pay close to attention to others’ needs when not training.
As far as a “support group”, this forum is all you’ll ever need IMHO.
I’ve been monitoring your post to see what kind of answers you get. It’s been a few hours now and nothing. That might tell you something. Perhaps it means the answer is like, “if you have to ask, you can’t afford it.” If you have any question about whether or not your marriage or family life can handle it, it probably can’t? If you have any question about whether or not your finances can handle it, they probably can’t.
I’ve never gone long. I’m basically a cycling addict. But I made a commitment to my wife and I just content myself to be the best I can be within the constraints of that commitment.
Always keep in mind what things are really most important.
I started reading this forum around 2 years ago when I was going out with a first time ironman. (I was a lurker and have only just signed up tho…) Getting to know people other than my partner that did the sport, and reading forums such as this helped me to understand that some things go with the territory and some things just didn’t and were totally unecessary… We broke up 2 months after ironman, heh. Anyway, the thing we both acknowledge was that it was rather one sided, I supported 110% and got little support and understanding for the things that I wanted to do. Make sure you make the most of the times that you aren’t training, that you tell your partner/parents/friends that they are the best. Listen to how their day was, even if you have an injury that is effecting your ability to train and think straight. And remember to thank them for carrying your water bottles, helmet, and coming along and watching you race
Perhaps have a dig for old threads, there is certainly lots of talk about life/train balance etc.
I’m also considering moving up to IM in 2006 and have tentatively planned a few HIMs in the schedule (did my first this past year). My main concern is the impact on my home life. I do have the free time to train since we don’t open our office at our business until 10:30am, but my wife likes to run too and we have a 2-year-old. It’s going to be a juggle to keep everyone happy. Bottom line is that I foresee myself getting in 15hrs/week MAX., and I’ll just have to live with that, and finish an IM as best i can.
I recently have been coping with similar problems. Though much younger that most of you, and coping not with job issues but school, it is a similar scenario in that it occupies a large majority of my time. Though often older people remember their school days as times when things were so easy, which I accept may be a possibility, with the issue of balancing training with friendships it becomes complicated as well… Going to school very early (no time to train before) until 3:30, then attempting to train from 4-7 or 8, and finally homework and those kind of things, it certainly is a very full day, without even trying to cram in hanging out with friends, none of which have any interest at all in the sport of triathlon… To the OP, its just tough, if you really love the sport sacrifices will be made and hopefully everyone will understand…
I’m headed your way soon and a bit scared of my obsession with this sport and being able to put my school work first. I pretty much know what my school schedule is going to be and I’m already trying to figure out where I can squeeze in my workouts.
yep, friends are sooooo important too. I am currently getting reaquainted with weekend life after snowboarding trips away, and the friends I left behind in the weekends while I chased fresh pow!
Great question and one us people with families think a lot about. I just finished my second and last IM distance event. I have 3 kids under 6 and a wife that offers unwaivering and mostly undeserved support. IMO opinion the keys to success include: Support from your significant other (and your understanding that this will be tested) Flexibility in your training. (ie training later in the day on Sat so as not to miss kids soccer game) Many, many, many 4:00 am training sessions Realization that I will not be able to train 20 hours a week. 10-12 was the average for me. With that training, realization that I will not be setting any speed records Lots and Lots of small gestures of gratitude to the family (cards, flowers, etc.) Never under estimate the power of appreciation.
Good luck.
Ironman training is about the most self-centered activity there is. That is, if you do it right and put in the long hours that are required to guarantee a finish.
My recommendation is to sit down with your wife/husband and explain what you are doing and how many hours it will take. Get them on board verbally. Forget about emotional support. You need them to allow you to train without hounding you for not mowing the grass, etc.
Become an early riser and workout while everyone is sleeping. Get a trainer so that you can watch the kids while you train. Thus, allowing your spouse to get some personal time in.
Don’t make your family vacation a triathlon vacation. Make it a real vacation.
When you join the gym, make it a family membership. Let your kids splash around in the pool while you swim. (Assuming its safe to do that.)
The long group rides are the hard part. A popular start time is 8am Saturday. That’s tough. You will be gone half of the day. Make sure your spouse knows a week in advance what your training plans are. Be prepared to have to abort your group ride for a solo ride because you had to get your kids to a soccer game.
Tell your paster at your church that you are doing the ironman. You will be missing a lot of church.
I’ve made that balance. It can be done. But, you have to be flexible on your training commitments. I always get them in, but not always on the schedule I prefer. Family and kids come first.
I did Moo in 2004 because it was the year BEFORE we planned to adopt our daughter. IMMoo was my 7th Tri or so - but I rushed it because I wanted to get it in before the kid. I trained 6 days a week with a long run aon a weeknight and a long ride on the weekend. I swam on my lunch hour at the Univ. near my office (very lucky to have that opportunity!!!). My goal was just to finish. Really! But, I thought a 13 hour finish was within reason.
My wife was totally behind me and put up with so much of my constant obsession with nutrition, and heart rate, etc. It helps that she also races.
I think if I were to train for an IM again, I would have to tone down the enthusisam and the constant obsessive focus on training and racing and what I read today and how my workout went and what my pace was and…
That is not to even mention the little girl who will only let her Daddy take her out of her crib in the morning and, because Daddy works (while Mommy stays home) only gets to see her Daddy for about an hour in the AM and 2 or 3 hours in the evening. My present workouts cut into that time.
I will do an IM again. But it will be much more casual next time. 7 months of shortchanging my daughter is too long. Some can do it. Some can operate on less than 8 hours of sleep and can get out of bed before 6AM. Not me. Plus, I am relatively new Daddy. And I love it.
Right now I am planning two halfs for next year. An IM is just in another league as far as time and commitment go.
If you do not have kids, then there should not be any problem, as long as you hold up your end of the bargain/marriage. Don’t ignore things like dating, cleaning up, making time for friends, etc. Because it is already going to be a pain in the ass for your spouse when you are gone for 6 hours on a Sunday riding your bike and she has to mow the lawn before it rains etc.
I can sympathize with you as my gf is currently a student and studying/homework/group projects are tearing her away from practices. It sucks, but its a period of your life where I try to tell her that school has to be a priority. Yeah, we “old” folks like to remember that things were “easier” back then but really, its just that the grass is greener on the other side. Anyway, some things that work for me/I’ve changed a schedule/routine: this inculdes the 6:30am workout (for me, that’s early - but once you get used to it…) once you’re in a routine, your friends can accomodate around you and so can you. move closer to where you train. Specifically for me, I moved within walking distance of my gym where my club trains. (my former school) - or get a car if you don’t have one (the bus commute used to kill easily 2-3hrs a day home->work->gym->home) socialize with other triathletes. Honestly, I hang out with them so its much easier to organize things. sacrfice a workout once in a while to see friends/family. That 1day/week off, spend it with family. This goes hand in hand with the schedule - friend of mine always spends his day “off” having dinner with his parents. sleep deprivation - not my choice, but I noticed from another thread a lot of people here sleep <6hrs. get a coach/learn how to train efficiently. Honestly, last year I trained a lot less than previous years but I had a pretty good improvement even with my limited workouts. I realize that I won’t improve my running by only doing it twice a week, BUT, it was enough to keep me going AND it kept me injury free ← Time killer and can make you very grouchy/unsociable. **enjoy **training. If you have to think twice about getting up early, or going past that zone of comfort, maybe you should stop, go home, and call a friend.
It is very much dependent on what kind of time goal you wish to have. I just finished my first iron-distance race in September, and my goal was just to finish (16:28 was my time). I will say that I really did not train all that hard; Maybe about 7-8 hours per week max, sometimes even less. Actually, I think one week which was about 5 weeks before the big race, I completed the Full Vineman Aquabike in about 9:30, and that was probably my heaviest week to date. I would not say that any of my friends or family had felt “neglected”, given that my training volume was quite low. And I simply don’t swim, period. The only swimming I do is in triathlons.
When you say “enormous time commitment”, I am assuming that your goal is probably more ambitious than mine was, and you really want to do much better than “mere finishing”. I think that in general, for most triathletes of average fitness levels, they can train to “merely finish” an Ironman without completely altering their lives and alienating their friends and families.
My girlfriend has been very supportive in my training for Ironman, but I think she would feel very differently if my goal had been to qualify for Kona or something like that. I would have seen a whole lot less of her if that had been my goal. If you want to qualify for Kona, it’s possible that not all your close ones will be supportive in your necessary training volumes.
The information that is needed to reply to your question is 1) What is your current fitness as far as S/B/R and 2) What is your goal time? It would take very little training time for a current 1.5 hour swimmer, 7 hour biker, and 5 hour marathoner to simply “finish”. If your current fitness is comparable to the example I gave and you really want to go sub 12:00, then you have some work to do, thus necessitating more hours in training mode. You can get the 4:00 a.m. workouts in and the more extreme weekend session in w/out impacting regular life too much. Anything more, and you need to make choices. But then, what is your intention?
Monday Through Friday 4am-7am 15 available hours.
Saturday and Sunday 4am-10am 12 available hours.
27 Hours a week and still home by 10am on weekends. (buy a good light for your bike)
If your spouse is supportive, you’ll find yourself in bed early getting all the sleep you need. If not, stay up, keep the peace, and skip the workouts you need to for proper sleep/recovery.
…oh…and do all that mushy flowers crap someone else mentioned.
But most important…learn to be TOTALLY self sufficient on the bike. That means knowing what is necessary to drag your ass home after a total bonk. Fixing anything that goes wrong with your bike. Calling for rides when you are out training is a quick way to the dog house…
More importantly, WHEN are you planning on doing the training.
Here’s my #1 advice … train when it is convenient for OTHERS, not when it is convenient for YOU. Would it be easier and likely better for me to train in teh evenings from 4pm to 8pm, instead of 4AM? Oh heck yes. Would I still be married if I didn’t do that? maybe. Would I be the husband/father that I committed myself to be? No way.
Whatever decisions you make with your training, ask yourself how you would feel if your spouse made those exact same decisions.
Triathlon is a very selfish endeavor. Imagine how much better our spose’s lives would be if we took all the training hours and devoted them to “strengthening the relationship/family”? It certainly does give one pause as to what exactly is the most important thing in your life. I think what everyone tries to do is “minimalize the negative effect”. That’s how I explained it to my wife, “I know this is selfish, and I will do what I can to minimize the negative effect. I know you’ll keep me updated of the situation.” So far, it’s worked out really well. Not only am I “there” with the family during evening hours … but I’m “really there”, attentive, playful, not “there” while my mind is wishing it were somewhere else.
I don’t know how anyone can train with a family. I’m single and work full time. My day consists of train, eat, work, train, eat, work, train, eat, sleep.
The moment I meet someone I want to settle down with, training will take a back seat and this sport will assume hobby status.
There’s ‘training’ and there’s ‘training’. If you’re not going for a top AG slot or racing pro - treat the sport like a hobby and align your expectations accordingly. Ultimately, nobody but you cares if you’re an hour or so quicker or slower than the next guy. Train for enjoyment and have a life centred around the people/person you’ve chosen to be with. There should be no conflict.
We broke up 2 months after ironman, heh. Anyway, the thing we both acknowledge was that it was rather one sided, I supported 110% and got little support and understanding for the things that I wanted to do. Make sure you make the most of the times that you aren’t training, that you tell your partner/parents/friends that they are the best. Listen to how their day was, even if you have an injury that is effecting your ability to train and think straight. And remember to thank them for carrying your water bottles, helmet, and coming along and watching you race 