Something light hearted and non-political. My wife’s best friend was a woman her age (62) that had been widowed for 3 year. When my wife was strickened she visited her and we became a little more acquainted. We knew each other, but just in passing at races or when she stopped by. I never gave her a second thought. When my wife passed away she provided a sounding board. Jump to 3 months later and … We have benefits. Since this is my first time as an adult, and an older adult at that, a few funny observations.
She wore her bra under her pajamas when she came down to watch TV with me. When I asked why she said they don’t look like they used to. My response: Gravity gets everyone. Do you really think I don’t know what a 62 year old woman’s body looks like?
She washed her girly bits before coming to bed. My response: Seriously?
Saturday she came over and we discussed last weekend and decided it was not a mistake, and that we should make arrangement to continue. I’ll see where this goes, but I told her enough with the bra and wash cloth bath.
I do not want to offend but that stands out to me. And it is not comfortable for some reason. Not sure why. But then I have been married 50 years and have never been in your situation.
You know your own timeline. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.
My dad, when he was going to go on his first date after my mother passed, he actually asked me and my brother, if it was OK with us if he did. What the hell was I going to say, no? The first woman he went out with chased him and we did not like her at all. He ended up having a long-term relationship with our neighbor that we had known since childhood. Her husband died a few years before my mother. We were very happy that they got to spend time together. They had known each other for 40 years as neighbors.
This is the only thing I’d quibble with. You may not care about those things, but she might. Women have enough body issues without having the man they’re seeing tell them what to do about it. Good for making sure she knows it’s not something you care about, but I wouldn’t tell her not to do something that makes her feel comfortable.
Won’t lie, that was my first reaction too, but then I realized I don’t know the guy personally or his relationship so didn’t say anything. None of my business.
Decades of study, poring through the ancient manuscripts, reading witness accounts of weird and terrifying rituals, pulling victims from the brink of destruction and hearing their firsthand accounts of sickening torture and abuse,…one is bound to learn a thing or two.
Also, as a gentleman, you might want to follow that protocol?
Besides, a gentle wipe-down of yourself, with some warm water, a nicely scented soap, and maybe a tiny spray of “smell-well” down under can really enhance the experience
When I was around 10, my best friend’s mom was diagnosed with lung cancer and died a few short months later. It absolutely destroyed my friend’s dad. He went from the sole bread winner, not really home much, not really an involved parent, to suddenly raising 10 and 13 year old boys. He probably hadn’t even cooked a dinner in years before his wife got sick.
I vividly remember going to their house a few weeks after the death, walking by his closed bedroom door, and just hearing… heart wrenching, uncontrollable sobbing. My friend said bluntly “he does that a lot now”.
Fast forward a few months and he met someone new. A few months after that, they married. It was really, really hard on the kids and everyone in their circle was quite shocked. But, 30 years later they are still together. It took nearly half of those years for my friend to reconcile with his dad and recognize his dad’s wife as a member of their family.
Like you said, grief is a bastard. We all think we know how we would feel, or react, to that kind of loss, and what is “normal” behavior. I would argue most of us really have no idea and I hope we don’t have to find out.
I don’t want to speak for you, so I will speak to you.
If I recall, your wife’s massive stroke was August or September? In my mind, that was the day you lost your person. Your life with her changed in that moment, and grief and loss ruled. The cruel finality of her not surviving was devastating, yet I suspect somehow freeing from the pain of that day months ago.
I am glad you are able to find some companionship and hopefully peace in this current moment.
I have always thought that moving forward is a critical part of life. It is key to dealing with grief, challenges, obstacles. It does not mean that you forget the past, that will always be part of you.
Congrats Jack. You are entitled to some love/fun/joy/companionship in your life. If nothing else, insert overwrought rock lyric here:
“Well there’s a rose in a fisted glove And the eagle flies with the dove”
Since we are going there, don’t trust him on this. The ingredients of “smell-well” sprays are chosen, well, for the smell, among other things, but definitely not for the taste. Acetone, ethyl acetate, ethyl alcohol, resins, benzaldehyde…
Warm water, yes. Gentle soap, maybe. But boys and girls, DO NOT spray smelly stuff anywhere you might be hoping her/his mouth might go during the course of a convivial evening.
