What do you do when you’re accused of doing something you didn’t do, when you have no way to truly prove your innocence and the other person is covinced of your guilt?
This situation has cost me in more ways than one, but the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that someone thinks of me as a liar. I care about what this person and the people close to him/her think and I can’t bear to be thought of in that way, especially when I’m innocent.
Unfortunately, I feel like we’re at a point where the person doesn’t actually want to believe me now as he/she will feel guilty for some things done and said.
I really have the urge to explain everything in detail and to make my case(hopefully much better than the first time) but I feel like I won’t even be listened to and that things will only get worse.
Cut my losses and move on? A letter perhaps? Has this kind of thing happened to you?
I am still tring to get on some kind of even ground with my ex-wife. She has a lot of ideas in her head that just aren’t right. So for better or worse I still try. I guess it comes down to how many time you can stand to bang your head against the wall. If your up too it I say make your case again. But when your head has had it just cut your losses and run.
The best move would be to get on the Maury show, they’ll give you a lie detector test, and you can prove your innocence in front of a (likely) hostile crowd, and millions of viewers at home. Plus you’ll get a free trip to NYC. Make sure to dance around the stage a bit when you’re vindicated.
What do you do when you’re accused of doing something you didn’t do, when you have no way to truly prove your innocence and the other person is covinced of your guilt?
This situation has cost me in more ways than one, but the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that someone thinks of me as a liar. I care about what this person and the people close to him/her think and I can’t bear to be thought of in that way, especially when I’m innocent.
Unfortunately, I feel like we’re at a point where the person doesn’t actually want to believe me now as he/she will feel guilty for some things done and said.
I really have the urge to explain everything in detail and to make my case(hopefully much better than the first time) but I feel like I won’t even be listened to and that things will only get worse.
Cut my losses and move on? A letter perhaps? Has this kind of thing happened to you?
In the past I have been in a similar situation and can understand the pain and frustration that you are suffering. Being on the receiving end of unfounded accusations is a position that I would never want to be placed into again and is always a difficult situation to deal with. Especially when you can’t positively demonstrate your innocence.
From what you wrote the biggest problem would seem to be wrapped up in this statement:
Unfortunately, I feel like we’re at a point where the person doesn’t actually want to believe me now as he/she will feel guilty for some things done and said.
If the person you are dealing with doesn’t want to believe you, you have very little possibility of changing their mind no matter what you say or do related to this specific incident.
My word of advice is to stop trying to explain the situation in detail since often the more times an event is discussed, the more life is breathed into the event (whether the event is true or not) and to go on with your life living as in the same way that you always have. If what you have been accused of is out of character for you, through your actions and your lifestyle your character and integrity will be apparent and seen by all. If that is not enough to convince people of your guilt/innocence then there isn’t much else you can do.
This situation has cost me in more ways than one, but the thing that bothers me the most is the fact that someone thinks of me as a liar. I care about what this person and the people close to him/her think and I can’t bear to be thought of in that way, especially when I’m innocent.
I would try my best to tell the person that they have the situation wrong and that I would like to explain my side when, and if, they want to hear it. Then, leave it at that. As you said, they probably don’t want to hear it. All you can do is offer to explain. If they want to maintain the friendship, then they’ll come around eventually and you can explain the situation then.
If you can’t get the person to even listen to you long enough to make this offer, then write to them in an e-mail or a card. Simply say that they have it wrong and you would like to explain it to them when they’re ready. Don’t write the explanation out - that should be done in person. Just make the offer and see if they bite.
Then, move on. It’s hard to do, but there’s no sense hurting yourself over and over because of someone else’s actions. You can’t control them, so just worry about yourself. Good luck.
If you truly care about what this person thinks, that tells me that you must know them pretty well, and they you. When the heat of this moment subsides, perhaps they’ll see that what they assume you might have done, does not fit with your character.
If they truly know you, they’ll come to their senses. If not, you probably didn’t really know them as well as you thought, and it’s time to move on.
I would refer them back to my past actions, “When have I ever XXXXXX?” … if they can think of times other than the one accusation, then I have to realize they have precedence for their asumptions.
If they can’t name one, In my mind, they have to give me the benefit of the doubt. Whether they do or not is out of my control.
Tough situation, Jason. Just keep being the quality person you are, and at some point, they are going to have to come to grips that the accussed behavior does not seem to be something you would do.
Hmmm. Relationships with people and between people are complex because they involve sets of variables and factors both apparent and hidden. Finding some balance between the two is an art- one I have never mastered.
A person is in control of their own behavior and their own beliefs. The only person who can change it is them. If they are not somehow internally compelled to do so, by factors obvious or hidden, they won’t change their beliefs.
Perhaps the bottom line is sometimes you have to walk away- either permanently or temporarily.
Time does exert an influence on things sometimes, but not always.
It does take strength and temperance to be able to walk away from something. It’s hard. And it requires a certain wisdon to conceed some battles and wage others with vigor.
I recently had a situation similar (although a little different) and the way I handled it was to write my thoughts down in an email. At first glance this seems childish but it acheives a couple of things. First, it takes some emotion out and prevents (me) from getting frustrated and angry. It also keeps the tone more measured, although like here, you have to be careful with the words because people can read it wrong. It provided this person a chance to think out a response and reply when and how they wanted.
Once I wrote the note I stopped and walked away very frustrated that this person believed those things about me and was saying them to mutual friends (whom I still have) because they simply are not true and not who I am. In the end I lost them as a friend despite my best efforts to mend it and be proactive. It still frustrates me but, in the end, not much I can do because sometimes people have already decided and there really is no room for discussion.