So two weeks ago the 12yo again broke the rules, nuked her room, stole her mom’s jewelry and clothing and ruined some of it, and again broke the rule about not taking food to the bedroom. She lost all screens for a week. On the day we let her earn them back, we sat her down and told her the rules remain: don’t go in our room and take things without asking, and do not under any circumstance whatsoever take food into your room, any kind, any amount, at all, ever. The consequence for doing so would be a month of no screens of any kind, at a minimum. She repeated it back verbatim, said she understands, went upstairs and cried for a half hour.
Today her mom and I got back from work while her grandmother stayed with them here at the house overnight. I went up into her room, absolutely trashed, empty fruit snack cups with syrup on her bedside table and floor, and five individual snack size cookie wrappers stuffed in her bedside table drawer. So tonight I have to tell her she’s triggered the monthlong screen ban.
I honestly wonder if this I is the wrong approach for a kid like this. I told her if she’s hungry she can eat what she wants so long as it’s in the kitchen, so it’s not about food shame or anything like that. She just does what she wants regardless of the consequence. This will be the first time we’ve gone nuclear and I’m not backing off. I think we owe it to her to teach her accountability and consequence and how much easier her life can be if she just respects basic rules, but so far nothing’s worked.
It’s emotionally draining to be around her and pretend I enjoy her company, and it’s even worse feeling that way about a child.