My wife and I have three kids (5, 6 and 9) and we both do this. This is our second year of Tri, and 4th year of running…She’s got a funky 7 days on/7 days off schedule, so she’s a little more relaxed about getting things in. I’m a little more competitive.
We take advantage of our local YMCA’s child care and use that to go to spin classes, masters swims and our local tri group meets there for spin/swims.
I swim/bike/run during my lunch break at work. I get about 30 minutes a day doing this.
We both get up early and when the weather is nice, get our runs in before 6:30a–and when it’s really light out, get some biking in.
On the weekend, we switch off. Often, she will run x miles in one direction…I’ll wait a little bit, load the kids in the minivan and go meet here somewhere…and I’ll run back while she takes the kids. It’s fun, it works and we both get “our” time.
My experience is fairly similar to that of others above. Two kids, 5 and 2. My wife runs (just did her first marathon), so we have to balance our training needs. Now that her major race is past, I get first dibs on training time. When she was working toward the marathon, and I was in offseason, she got first dibs.
I tend to do my workouts before work and before the kids get up. That means they often don’t see me until after school, but they know what I’m doing and they’re all about it. On weekends, it’s a lot harder to figure things out, mostly because there are a bunch of other activities competing for my attention. My wife and I talk about the training needs every week, which is a big help. The kids come watch the races, which also helps, because they get to see and be a part of the rewards of training.
I hope you get it figured out in a manner that works for you.
I tend to do most workouts either before they wake up in the morning, or after they’ve gone to bed. So before 7am, during the lunch break, or after 8-9pm. The weekend long ride is an exception, and they know I go out for a few hours at a time. The family is generally supportive and involved, and enjoy accompanying me to events where reasonable.
Reading this back I realise I am quite fortunate to have a tolerant family. Some are not so lucky.
The mrs carries on with her stuff when I’m doing a workout, and doesn’t mind as long as I don’t wake her up when I sneak downstairs, and I bring her a coffee in the mornings when she wakes.
As for healthy eating, we try to teach healthy habits by example. I’m no saint when it comes to diet, but most of the stuff that’s good for me is also good for them. So win-win. Nobody forces portion sizes, so eat as much or as little as needed.
Bottom line - kid/family time is exactly that, and absolutely takes precedence. A missed workout here or there doesn’t compare with missing time with the little’uns. And that’s OK.
Exact same here.
I would use the word “supportive†about my wife loosely though. It’s more like she is ok with it. She is glad I have a hobby I am passionate about, and staying healthy, but like you eluded to, those long weekend run/rides can be a challenge. Especially during my kids sports season.
You just got to stay open and willing to switch things around and know when it makes more sense to skip a session and or cut it short because more meaningful life events, like a kids game, recital, etc take precedent.
I should say my family is supportive they just don’t understand. It’s a lot of “well can we get pizza today and we’ll eat healthy tomorrow” and “Just one more store then we’ll go home” followed by “sorry I didn’t think it would take that long” so there’s some figuring out to be done. Especially in the Massachusetts cold.
I pretty much threw in the tri-towel when the first was born, there is no time to train for all three events at this stage. Decided to become a one sport guy. Running seemed the easiest as it was my background and its quickest. Did great (one major race a year) until number two was born, after the initial newborn stage I got planter fascitis and I couldn’t run. Got into gravel biking and winter fat biking and I’m hooked.
At this point I set my goal as 4-5 hours of training a week, few days running, few days biking. I will do one or two races a year but I don’t race them seriously. I always have this itch to train really hard, but at this point with the kids so young and you want to focus on family, just staying in shape is all you can do.
Also be ready to bike or run in the dark after bedtime or before wake-up. If you can, utilize the lunch hour.
It’s tough and no easy answers. I’ve been trying to get to bed as early as possible and wake up early for workouts. Unfortunately, your social life suffers.
Same here. Our gym has child care so I can take my 3 kids anytime I want to workout so no one can complain. Additionally, getting the wife involved/working out helps a ton too. As far as eating, me and my wife have very similar goals but if I want to eat something specific I buy it and make it…she is usually very happy when I do the cooking.
I should say my family is supportive they just don’t understand. It’s a lot of “well can we get pizza today and we’ll eat healthy tomorrow” and “Just one more store then we’ll go home” followed by “sorry I didn’t think it would take that long” so there’s some figuring out to be done. Especially in the Massachusetts cold.
Planning will definitely help with the meals issues. My wife plans the week’s menu before shopping on Saturday. Yes, bumps happen but rarely. This way you know what you are eating and how long it takes to prepare. Also plan who is cooking. Plus, you can plan for leftovers for lunch! More eating healthy that way.
How do you plan your workouts? Last year I had a coach and I really enjoyed not having to think about what I was going to be doing … I just did it. This year, the $$ is not there, so I am having to plan more. Like many others, I do most of my workouts early in the am. Would do them late at night, but then I don’t sleep well. Besides, by 8:30 we are both tired (we both have to be at work about 7am)
Before I joined the Master’s swim, I made sure my wife was ok with the times it would meet. I work hard at being present with her and/or our son. I also try hard to do other things around the house – sweep, dishes, pick-up, make the yogurt, etc. Anything I can get done to help I try to do.
I am not sure what you mean by the family does not understand. What do they not understand?
I’m glad to see so many people in here have a good balance!
I do feel parents have gone too far in the direction of letting the kids do too many activities, parents blowing every second on kids or work, and leaving no time for each other and the individual.
If you neglect either the spousal relationship OR each individual being a person, you run into big trouble. The first and obvious sign is always resentment.
Buy a treadmill if you don’t have one. Run a 5k a most mornings before you go to work and on the weekend. Its amazing how easy it is to fit in a 20+/- minute run once you get into the mind-set.
45 minutes to an hour (one TV show) on the bike 4 or 5 days a week should also be pretty doable if you have an indoor trainer. If not, get one.
The swim is the challenge as it take a lot more time to get to the pool, change, swim, etc.
So consider duathlon or just accept your swim will suck.
It’s tricky finding a balance. It’s all about efficiency and planning and learning good habits. But above all else: This is only a hobby -The partner and kids must come first otherwise they’ll eventually get pissed off and you might end up as someone with nobody at home anymore…
It’s easy enough though. It’s just what you get used to. When you’ve got one kid you think you’re super busy and stretched. When you have 2 kids you think you’re super busy and stretched and having one was easy. When you’ve got 3 that becomes the new normal. When one goes on a sleepover so you only have 2 in the house it’s like a holiday. Add in a job, 3 hours commuting etc… it all becomes possible.
I’ve got a wife and 3 young kids. I somehow manage to get about 10-12 hours a week in. Learn to love getting up at 5am. It’s summer soon so this is the best time of day anyway. Knock out a workout before work, go for a run in lunchtime or a nap in the car. And then do another workout in the evening (if you can, but be careful with this one as the evenings you’re needed to chat and hang out). Grabbing a 3 hour ride on a weekend shouldn’t be a problem. The wife needs to be flexible with you too. Remind her that this stops you being fat & useless like most of the world.
Plan ahead to know what you want to do that day, but be flexible. 2 of my kids are massively into their own sports so on top of all my activities I have to drive them around and sit by pools, tracks etc. I make sure i’ve done my session beforehand and then i use this as forced rest time, sat there with tired legs, eating shedloads… Sometimes i have to miss my workouts but i get another chance sooner or later. I almost pissed my wife off doing an IM last year when i’d push my luck by coming home from work after a 1.5 hour drive, so lots of time to dream about jumping on the trainer, and go straight into a workout instead of hanging out and chatting and having dinner - this had to be curtailed… Actually it’s more about us running around endlessly for the kids that reduces me/wife time, my workouts fit in around the edges pretty well.
Another trick is it’s always good to have a drink and a stash of energy bars nearby so that when you get hangry you aren’t snappy and an arsehole, you can keep your sugar levels up.
Good luck. It’s not so hard. There’s lots of hours in the day. Maybe your girl and the kid will get into it and you can oneday run/bike/swim with them. It least you can be giving a good example, better than being a fatty, beer drinking, TV watcher.
I’ve got 2 teenagers heavily into sports so almost everyday after work is shuttling them around. In another couple of weeks it’s AAU basketball and away tournaments almost every weekend until June. All my workouts are done before work. Usually get up between 3-4am and I’m usually done with everything before 5:30. Only days I’m a bit later is when I swim. Long bikes on Saturday are also done early. Usually completed by 6-7 am. Really long rides are done by 9am which still gives me the day to spend with the family. Sunday I take the day off to do whatever everyone else wants to do. Plus it allows me to go out with my wife on Saturday nights since I don’t have to be up at the crack of dawn to workout.
I’ve found my body adapts to 5-6 hrs of sleep a night pretty well. Plus with early morning runs & rides, there is almost no traffic. I actually find it safer.
During the week, I just have to fit it all in in the morning before others are awake, which means I’m often getting up at 430am. Nights are for family. On occasion, I’m able to sneak out of work at lunchtime to get a swim in.
On weekends, my wife gives me Saturday morning on my own (long ride, short run), and I give her Sunday morning on her own, to do whatever she wants. I’ll sometimes run on Sundays before my son wakes up.
During peak IM training, my wife and I agree on 2-3 nights a week when I will crash early, and she can plan around that and get her own stuff done. That seems to be working. I couldn’t maintain this schedule if I didn’t get in a couple early bedtimes a week.
When time is short, it’s typically the swims that I sacrifice.
We had our first son 21 months ago. Since then I’ve been training about half as much as I used to, fitting it in wherever I can. My race times are slower than pre-kids, but I’m OK with that because my life has changed for the better by having a son and I’m still having fun out there on the course. I pretty much train as much as my wife will let me, trading training time for watching the kid while she goes on hikes. I work full-time, so I have to be sensitive to my wife’s freetime when I’m home and it seems to work out OK. Unless you are a pro, you just have to remember that you do tris for fun.
Others will disagree but I don’t think that there should be any balance early on. I have a 2 and 4 year old and at this point they are always priority 1a and 1b, my marriage is priority 2 and my income is priority 3, and finally my personal stuff is a distant 4th. I rarely ever sacrifice them for me, and at this point in their development I don’t think it’s fair to.
So what do I do? I get time before they are awake. They wake up at 6:15am like clockwork so I get up at 4:15. On weekends I get a little bit of time while they’re awake because they spend that time with mom, and then with me when it’s mom’s turn. A 2nd workout comes at lunch while I’m at work so long as it does not endanger my work status. And that’s how I balance it.
Maybe this will change when they’re older, but at this point circumstances don’t allow that. And taking time from them for me would be unfair to them.
Married, two kids (4 & 2). I did IMMT last year (I don’t recommend it). Like others I utilize early mornings and less so evenings when they go to sleep. I also have the luxury of working from home a few days a week so I can sneak in some training then. The key for me was a running stroller. After work I would run the kids to a nearby park. Take a break in the middle with the kiddos and then run back. Intervals into the wind with a running stroller are a good time (insert sarcasm here). My wife works out but nothing tri or running related. She is understanding but I always try to make her aware of longer workouts, or days I need some time. Communication and planning are key. I do most of my bikes on the trainer as its just easier for the family. I have a play area in the basement next to where I ride. I really only do the longer stuff on the roads. Now that I’ve switched over to Oly’s and the occasional Half it is easier. The key for me was always deferring to the family. Only pushing to do a workout when I really needed to. Its possible for sure, just requires more planning and understanding from all parties.
The very best part of IMMT for me was seeing my kids. They were actually disappointed they couldn’t come on the run in the stroller with me!
Have 2 girls under the age of 5 and a wife that puts up with tri. For me the biggest factor is being able to put my training outside of normal hours that don’t impact anything with the family.
Most days that means gym or trainer at 430/5am, then off to work and home around 4pm. Every evening is full family time. Weekends are early hours training usually with a post workout breakfast with the family as everyone wakes up or a gym session during afternoon naps for everyone else.
Basically I have to try to impact family life as little as possible 90 percent of the time so that the 10 percent that it does isn’t overly selfish
Often, she will run x miles in one direction…I’ll wait a little bit, load the kids in the minivan and go meet here somewhere…and I’ll run back while she takes the kids. It’s fun, it works and we both get “our” time.