I respectfully think you should rethink this position. I understand the frustration - hell, I’ve lived it - but I was raised (a d subsequently taught honey’s kids): if you agree to something/join a team/volunteer/ etc., you need to see it through to at least that season’s conclusion.
I agree with the other poster about asking the coach what needs to happen for more playing time, then go impress upon your daughter that it’s on her to actually follow through. MAKE the coach be in a position where she CAN’T sit her.
Unfortunately, that’s all you can do. Help her in anyway that you and your wife can, but from there, sadly, it ends up being up to the coach’s whims and fancies.
If it truly sucks, maybe sit out any end of year banquets? I dunno - I’m not really sure there’s a good play here. Unless your wife wants to make a power move for the head voach’s position, but I think that might be a whole other discussion.
I told her from the beginning of the season that she should work hard and show them you deserve to start. Worst thing that can happen is you get better and show them what you’re made of. My wife will give her the option to return to swim, which she’s on pause from for volleyball now, if this continues after three games. I agree with that. But we will talk to the AD before making that decision, after three games if no changes have been made. She’s not as good as every starter but she’s not far off the mark, and she’s one of the tallest on the team, projected to be six feet even. It’d be a shame if she didn’t stick with it.
I agree there’s value in pushing through the suck. It’s not in her nature but it can be taught to some degree, I think.
I agree with having the conversations with the coach.
It should be with a positive spin, ie kid is motivated to play, what should she work on? Vs. you need to give her more playing time, and your own kid less. (Yeah, don’t do that)
Also, if your wife knows the coach as a former teammate, leverage that relationship if possible. You guys aren’t just disgruntled parents (yet).
My daughter’s volleyball experience from age 12-18 was up and down. Very team and coach dependent - I don’t miss some of the negative drama.
This is exactly what I did when my son was 12 and played travel soccer. He talked to the coach twice and not a lot changed. I was pushed by my wife and parents to talk to the coach, so I did. What I said was, “you told Little Ref to hustle more and be more aggressive. He doesn’t really understand what you mean because he thought he was doing those things. So if you would, when you see another player doing the things you are looking for, show him so he understands what you mean by hustle more and being more aggressive.”
I coached baseball when I was younger and it was the parents who wanted their kids to play certain positions and more playing time. I tried to give kids as much playing time as possible, but I was not as accommodating to the positions they wanted to play. If little Johnnie didn’t have a strong arm and not great at stopping the ball, I wasn’t going to make him a catcher. Some parents, many parents are blind to their kids actual abilities.
I do have a big problem with lower level athletic teams who do not rotate players in and out more. This is the age when they need to learn more and not worry so much about winning. It often happens, the kids with the most potential are getting the least opportunity.
This is her second year playing, second year she’s been eligible. They lost probably 2/3 of the games last year, playing a small handful of private Christian schools in the region. There is definitely a shift in the amount of rotations from last year, when it was relatively frequent, as compared to yesterday. The other team seemed to have gotten the memo about keeping every kid engaged and playing frequently. It was pretty jarring how little PT our non-starters got. No exaggeration, in three games played, our daughter subbed in to the front left, rotated to middle, rotated to front right, then back to the bench. That was her only time in any of three games. She never hit the ball once including to serve.
That’s not the way you do developmental youth sports.
This is the most important lesson most parents don’t get, lower levels are for development. This is exactly why I will never referee AAU sports, again.
I don’t see it so prevalent in the local schools around me with simply being out to win. With rotations, kids learning to play with so many different types of players and skill levels only helps their own skill set as they get older. Coaches who dedicate line ups with minimum individuals involved are only hurting the kids ability to grow with the sport looking for short-term gains.
I would argue all levels are for development at least up to 16-17 year olds. Adults place too much emphasis on “winning games”, when winning should be defined as developing as many kids as possible to their peak potential and creating life long lovers of sport.
I think the only place in youth sports for the “play only the best kids” mentality is maybe on National teams. Any other team, whether you call it elite, travel or whatever should have fairly equitable playing time to develop all kids.
I agree with this 100% and if my statements implied anything else, it was either poorly written or misinterpreted. I specifically said lower levels and I meant those below the varsity level.
Playing time in youth sports is one thing my town seems to get right. In the town sports, there are playing time requirements that are written into the by-laws for the different sports, and I’ve always been impressed that they league administrators and the coaches do a good job at sticking to them and being fair with playing time.
In the schools, all of the sports below varsity seem to do an equally good job at making sure there is a good balance in playing time. I think the coaches all recognize that it’s not a big town and if they drive kids away from a sport over things like playing time, there won’t be anyone left to play in subsequent years as the better players move up and then graduate. At the varsity level, playing time is more lopsided towards the better players, but I expect that at the varsity level, and the kids all seem to understand that. Some of the parents still don’t, but they tend to be in the minority. Even with the playing time being more uneven at that level, everyone on each time is still getting playing time.
Do they specialize in positions at that age? I imagine with her height she can really get good at outside hitting or middle blocking and get more playing time.
Even if the coach is playing favorites, you still need 6 players out there.
Yep. JV on down in the school athletics program should operate as purely developmental. Even if your standouts play most of the time there’s no reason the less talented athletes can’t play almost half. The bench is always a smaller number than the starters in the majority of team sports.
Are college or bigger club team recruiters or coaches coming to watch matches? If so, then the coaches have some motivation to put certain players out there for the visibility so they get looks at college or higher club programs.
I can’t speak from a 2025 perspective, but my experience with sports growing is that nepotism was rampant.
There is one saving grace: if someone’s kid is truly good enough to be successful in a sport (like D1 &/or pro some day), nepotism won’t stop that. Those athletes (I’ll admit, I was one) tend to be heads and shoulders above everyone else on the team.
My brother played against future Xavier hall of famer Gary Lumpkin in basketball in 5th grade. It was absolutely clear that one kid was great at basketball, and the other 9 were not.
It can certainly inconvenience someone with D1 talent though. I’d be willing to bet there were other potential quality QBs at Colorado that had to transfer / look elsewhere due to Prime’s kid getting the start.
Well, yeah…I wasn’t talking about ALL nepotism. I was thinking more along the lines of middle school volleyball team nepotism.
And who ever got bumped from Colorado because of Sanders, I’m going to guess that they were so much better than the coach’s son in high school that they weren’t sitting the bench.
I’d agree with you, talk to the coach about it. Don’t leave it completely up to your daughter. While important to teach your daughter to advocate for herself, kids still need help/support from their parents. Also raise it with the AD. Ask if they have attended the games and get his/her impression. You can’t be the only upset parent if things are really as you describe.