It has been brought to my attention that my name has become associated with slow, fat, buffet-hogging, marathon-walking, cutoff-fearing, medal-worshipping Triathletes! Everyone on this board is an Elitist pig! I am so mad that I am going to get me one of them celebrity slots over in Hawaii at the real Ironman and give all y’all the finger when I hear Oprah…you are an Ironman. Now get over your badselves.
Oprah
You rock girl. Can I be your agent for your appearance at Kona 2006. I promise I’ll only charge you 2% of the endorsement money you’ll be pocketing from Nike 
You go girl! I’d rather see Oprah at Kona showing millions of people that one can do anything they put their mind to than this Bachelor fellow. And if it takes well into the night, that’s okay, more time to dance to “Love Shack” at the finish line.
Sure thing…and here’s one for everyone else in the audience today (all those around the finish at IMH) so much for it being a status symbol anymore…yawwnnn.
I hear Oprah…you are an Ironman
This is known as auditory hallucinations. It is one of the symptoms of schizophrenia and could be managed by medication. My wife could provide you with a clinical assessment and if required a prescription. Alternatively, she could provide you with cognitive therapy on a once a week basis. Unlike Anxiety Disorders that may typically require 10-12 sessions, your condition would probably require a significantly longer duration.
Oh Oprah, Miss Oprah,
No, you got us all wrong. We worship you and your minion Dr. Phil with unswerving devotion.
Why, you’ve empowered an entire generation with the excuses they need to rationalize any and all behavior. Make no mistake, we got the power, and it came from you! (And Dr. Phil too…).
And those cars you (oh, I mean, GM’s ad agency…)gave away, Wow, what a selfless act of philanthropy. Incredible.
Yes, no question. Whatever you say goes. I am always amazed at your ability to tell me exactly what I want (and need oh so badly) to hear to justify my bizarre and highly codeified behavior.
You and Dr. Phil are right… It really is all about me!! Down with elitists! (except you two of course). Sistah got the power!
Oh Tommy boy,
The way you write just sends shivers down my spine but don’t tell Stedman (he might have to kick your white ass). Now what size P3 can ya hook a sister up with?
Oprah
Stop replying to yourself 
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Well Oprah,
Didn’t you call me recently and offer me all kinds of physical favors if I let you ride a QR Caliente?
Hmmm?
Herbert
QR/Litespeed
Didn’t you call me recently and offer me all kinds of physical favors if I let you ride a QR Caliente?
The question, Herbert, is whether or not you kept up your end of the bargain.
Can I have a car?
Let me assure you that no such favor was granted.
Herbert
Yes she did. But then she found that they are made in Taiwan - so she decided to go for a Cannondale Ironman 2000.
Did you enjoy the lunch at Matt Boutte’s office today?
How she got into Kona a second year baffles me
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