So my best running buddy has developed a bothersome habit of always having to poop right when we get back to my house (we start all runs at my place). Ordinarily, not a big deal but he invites himself in, grabs my morning paper before I can, and procedes to crank out the mother load right in the bathroom that adjoins our kitchen, where my wife happens to be cooking breakfast at that very same time. I thought it was just bad timing the first few times, but it now occurs 3 x week and has been going on for the entire summer. I think my buddy really enjoys this bathroom of mine and would rather dump there than at his own place. So, needless to say, he absolutely wrecks the place & then bails, sometimes with my sports page in hand, leaving me to deal with the mess & my not so happy wife. I’ve tried to hint to him that this really isn’t too cool but he always acts like he will crap himself right there in my driveway if I don’t let him in. What can I do ? My wife is about to kill both me and my buddy and has even suggested that I quit running altogether. Help.
Start your runs at a local park, versus at your house.
Start your run at Paulo’s front yard.
Tell him to carry a sock…
Start your run at Paulo’s front yard.
That is one of the funniest posts I have ever read. Thanks for that
Jodi
for once I agree with Martin.
If he is a real friend, you should be able to tell him, “hey look, I don’t care, but my wife is about to kick me out if you drop a stink bomb again in our place, and BTW, leave my paper alone”.
I hate it when someone messes with my morning paper before I’ve had a chance to ruffle the pages myself.
If it really was urgent, he probably wouldn’t need the paper.
LMFAO
You poor b@stard.
Like others have said, start/finish your run somewhere else. Like a park with public loos or some place similar. That way you solve all your problems. No stink problem, no sports page theft and no wife agro.
Tell you friend to say away from too much fibre (or up the fibre so the problem is solved before he gets to your house).
Hide your paper, get a bigger toilet exhaust fan (complete with a make-up air path), get a wife with no sense of smell (my sister in law for example. Her husband smells worse than road-kill, but she can’t tell and she loves him all the same)
Get a prettier smelling training buddy. Maybe come home with some young tart from the gym and see if your wife really minds your current training buddy 
Just get creative.
Does you bathroom have carpet?
So, needless to say, he absolutely wrecks the place & then bails, sometimes with my sports page in hand, leaving me to deal with the mess & my not so happy wife. I’ve tried to hint to him that this really isn’t too cool but he always acts like he will crap himself right there in my driveway if I don’t let him in. What can I do ?
Mess? How broken is your toilet?
Why not insist that he light a match and spray some Lysol? Not too much to ask for letting him drop a load at your place 3 x a week. If that doesn’t “fix” the problem, then just tell him you’re tired of him stinking up your bathroom and kitchen, that your wife is about to kick your ass because of it, and if he doesn’t start pinching his loafs at home, you won’t be able to start your workouts from your house anymore. If he’s a good friend, he’ll understand.
Send him over to my house. My wife actually has a “no dumping in the bathroom by the kitchen” rule. She’d pull him out of there by the hair with his running shorts around his ankles then beat him with some kitchen utensil until he bleeds.
We actually had a similar situation with a friend who lived a couple miles away. We were on his regular running route and he’d stop by for a “visit” a couple times a month. My wife said we had to move to get more bedrooms but I really think these visits had at least a little to do with it. I do know that when we where house shopping she never looked at any houses on this guy’s running route . . .
Don’t under estimate how much this is pissing your wife off. You have to deal with it!
please see the Divorce Rate thread
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you can always get rid of the wife. That will stop the copmplaining.
Too many liberties. No one is allowed to take reading materials into the bathroom if they do not live in my place. It is time for this guy to start making deposits at Mickey Dee’s and not in your house.
These are all really good suggestions, but let’s be honest, texas was right; you should really just start your runs at Paulo’s front yard.
Either that, or you could feed your buddie those pills that make your bm’s smell like cinnamon rolls.
Start your run at Paulo’s front yard.
That is one of the funniest posts I have ever read. Thanks for that
Jodi
Agreed, that one made me laugh out loud here at the office. Well done!
"Send him over to my house. My wife actually has a “no dumping in the bathroom by the kitchen” rule. She’d pull him out of there by the hair with his running shorts around his ankles then beat him with some kitchen utensil until he bleeds. "
My nomination for post of the month!
Next time your running buddy comes over to visit, just hand him either a pair of old running socks - or a zip-lock w/ some toilet paper rolled up inside… As an added bonus, if your neighbor’s not awake yet, he can borrow their paper for a few minutes while he dashes into the bushes…
Good grief! Is he pounding McGriddle-flavored gels on the run? Taking a dump after a run is the last thing I have to do, so what’s his deal?
Don’t under estimate how much this is pissing your wife off. You have to deal with it!
If his wife is “ready to kill” this buddy, I think he should enlist her help.
If I were in her situation and my husband enlisted my help, I’d be more than happy to hide the newspaper while they’re on their run and breathe fire at the two of them when they entered the house. Then, he could tell his running buddy, “We’d better stop at a fast food restaurant before we get to my house if we want to avoid SaraJean’s wrath.”