Okay, I have a training buddy who I talked into going out to IMLP with me. We have been training together since spring…and to not sound TO arrogant, I am much faster in all 3 events than he is. We decided to do Tin Man in Baraboo as a warm up to IMLP. My issue is that he gets really down on himself if we are riding, I will be at 135bpm to his 160+ bpm at the same speed…I am a stronger biker, running I will just run away from him…this is getting to him in a serious way.
Now, my quandary is that he gets a bit upset with himself - as he is on the exact same training program as I am - and is not performing at the same level I am fortunate to be at. What my idea is – is that at Tin Man I race with him, slow down and go his pace and let him see what he can do…and not beat him by my projected 1:30 in a 1/2IM distance.
So, do I go and play at Tin Man as a training day and go my pace as a tune up and to hell with him and his mental attitude. Do I go his pace and make him feel better about the long road to IMLP…What would you do? I would hate to see him loose his confidence before IMLP and go in thinking the worst.
I say race your own race. It is distracting to me to be pushing myself next to someone who is coasting, and I notice the same thing in people I train with who may be slower. He needs to only focus on performing to the best of his abilities that day, and not worrying about whether or not he is keeping you back, which will inevitably happen. Just be encouraging as you can be, but give him space when he needs it. That’s about all you can do, you can’t make him feel better about his performances.
How long has he been training in comparison to you? IMnsHO, fitness is cumulative over the years. What’s his background? It sounds like this will be his first IM distance race. You’ve done how many IM’s, three or four that I recall. If there is a significant difference in experience level, why are you two on the same plan?
For a spouse, yeah, I’d tow. For a buddy with a mental/macho problem comparing his fitness to others - no freakin’ way. He needs to suck it up and run his own race. “…to hell with him and his mental attitude.”
If you go his pace, he’ll probably get bummed out/upset with himself regardless knowing you’re ‘holding back.’ I don’t see any issue being on the same training plan, but he definetely needs to come to grips with the fact that all athletes aren’t created equal and/or aren’t at the same fitness level at the same time. Train within his own abilities, not yours…
Training buddies are important – it makes all these hours that much easier and more enjoyable. With your differences, you can swim together, run on a treadmill together and bike on a stationary together. Outdoor runs and rides are a lot harder to do. And, racing…forget it. You’ve got to do your own thing.
I ran next to my training buddy this morning on the treadmill. I did 10.2 miles. He did less than 8 miles. Perfectly reasonable and enjoyable for both of us. But, he would never expect me to hold back in a race with him…
Go your own race. I think timberwolf hit the nail on the head, it’s likely experience. I have a dear training buddy with whom I’ve shared countless hours in prep for IMNZ, IMCanada, Boulder Mtn Tour, and a few 50K trail runs. He’s amazingly strong and can crank out the wattage. Head to head I’m likely to go faster, only I’m also pushing the envelope of what I’m capable of and have had him come past me as I was blown and shuffling away a 15 minute lead in a half or more in a full. On those days were he stuck to his plan and executed the day, his was certainly the better race. We are not all created equal. Different genes and experience will play into who goes faster. The real question is who realized their ability, managed the variables, and executed their game plan. We’ve been training together 5 years now. The margin is next to nil. He’s enjoyed training with someone who would push him to strive for more. Nowadays, he’s doing more than his fair share of keeping me honest. I love it. Thankfully I still have some old tricks up my sleeve to snag the county line signs. Cherish your buddy, and soon enough you’ll hear, “on your left” on a race.
Ok, here’s my take, being “that guy”. I’m a team sprots athlete, who went to mtbing, adventure racing and running, and this year i’m going to Triathlon. I’ve got an awesome partner (Kona qualifier past two years). We train together nearly everyday. She is stonger than me. I know that for a fact, and granted i’ll have good days when she has bad days, but all in all i lack the cardio base that she has. I am training for a 1/2 IM and marathon this year and she is looking to again qualify for Kona. I workout with her when i can, and some days i just need to settle down and take a day off and rest my legs. Its ok. We are racing a bunch of the same races this year and i don’t have any problem with her beating me, in fact even in a sprint race she’ll have me by 7-10 minutes in the swim, right off the bat. The point being, race your race, train with your partner. It is up to him to decide when he is killing himself training with you. Sometimes i got a bit too hard for a given workout training with my partner, but in my opinion its better to have a partner and deviate slightly from your overall goal than to not have one at all and be bored and lonely all the time. IMHO, training partners make you faster, or at least make you get out there for more volume which makes you stonger. So back to the topic at hand. Race your own race, your partner knows your faster and stronger, and he should just hang in there in hopes to someday wait for you at the finish line.
If you go his pace, he’ll probably get bummed out/upset with himself regardless knowing you’re ‘holding back.’ I don’t see any issue being on the same training plan, but he definetely needs to come to grips with the fact that all athletes aren’t created equal and/or aren’t at the same fitness level at the same time. Train within his own abilities, not yours…
Best of luck with your decision and the races.
Berti
I think Berti has a good point here. I don’t know about you guys, but nothing pisses me off more than knowing I’m about to hurl, and knowing the guy next to me is holding back so I don’t feel bad… I have no problem with someone handing my ass to me fair and square, but don’t patronize me… Just a thought
For a number of years I ran races with my brother. He was much faster than me. We’d go to races together and we had this unspoken routine where we would hang out together until about 5 -10 minutes before the start then he would slip away up closer to the line. We’d meet up again after the finish.
Actually, now that I think about it I have gone through this ritual with every single person I have ever traveled to a race with . . .
But - I’m really glad none of these folks ever ran next to me for an entire race. I could not bare to have ruined their day.
I’d say you’re helping him by continuing to train and race with him, but to back off and to make him feel better about himself will only hurt him in the long run. You help him because it sounds like he’s spittin a lung trying to catch you. You go out and give it your best. Let him do the same, there’s the common ground. That’s how I’d pitch to him, lets go and give it our best shot. If he can’t handle it, if he’s just got to beat you, then I’d let him know the day he beats me, he’ll have earned it.
If you’re much faster, how are you satisfied doing all your training with him? You’re probably not pushing your own envelope if you do all the training together.
I meet faster people for days when I need to go hard and they are taking it easy, and go with slower people on days when I want to go easy (or have them draft off me on the bike the whole ride). On a run - jog together to the track, each does their own track workout, jog back.
I would think that “accompanying” a slower person would only damage their confidence even more. I would only do this during an event for someone who’s hit the wall or is injured or thinking of quitting the race.
Race your own race and let your buddy race his - his confidence will probably grow discovering that (like for all of us) there are some who are faster and some who are slower than him… and start comparing with himself only…
I agree with slowing down to help someone to complete the race…likely it’s the faster partner that blew up and the slower partner comes up from behind…the slower guy is now the fast one…some Karma thing going on here. I’ve seen a couple of friends fried on long bike rides, rode alongside them (in front does no good, they’re going so slow drafting isn’t an issue, and they can’t hold a wheel anyway) and did so until their spirits rise enough to be able to continue and at least finish the ride. I’ve never had to do this in a triathlon…but, I’ve got a few friends I’d do it for, and a few that would do it for me. That’s what friends are for. But, what to do for the race? Race as fast as you possibly can.
I had a very similar situation with a training buddy years ago, except I was the slow bugger.
Tell your friend to harden up. That’s what I did and now I’m much faster, but still nowhere my old training buddy.
I could kick his butt in a wetsuit, and even out of T1, but after that he’d pass me and I’d suffer. We were actually very good friends and I didn’t begrudge his better physique, equipment or times. He was merely inspiration for me to train better (not necessarily harder) and persevere.
My biking in particular is now much better than it used to be simply because I learned how to suffer. One day he challenged me to run at our agreed pace up a particularly long hill at the end of our lunch time 6km route. I would normally go hard all run, to give him SOME sort of workout and then drop off the back when we got to this hill. I’d then rumble up the hill and ease off to the finish about 1km away. He’d wait at the finish before we’d head to the gym. He’d be fresh and I’d be stuffed. On this particular day, I ran at our agreed pace all the way to the top. Sure I was stuffed, but not much more than usual an not nearly as much as I thought I’d be!!
I now have the ability to suffer when training and/or racing, particularly on hills and now end up going much faster for not much more pain. Without having to step up to the plate on that day, to stay with a faster training buddy, I would have stayed at my old and slower pace. He really helped me that day.
Maybe you could do the same for your partner. Not by showing him how much better you are but by being an axample of how going that little bit faster doesn’t reallyhurt that much more. He will improve and you will help him do it. The gap between your abilities will narrow and you can enjoy each others company even more.
In the past if I was using a race for a training venture, I would often pace a buddy. It’s not like he doesn’t know you are faster. However, that is when I was training/racing all the time so it is not like every race was an all out attempt to PR either. I’ve even been known to bandit a few road races (running) to pace buddies.
Next month I’m riding a road race to help another buddy. I think I can soften some guys up on the hills for him.
To me the partner serves two primary functions. 1. get you out the door and/or 2. get you faster. Some partner only do one or the other, some are lucky enough to have partners that fill both roles.
Maybe pacing the partner is your payback to him for all the times he got you out the door when you may not have went by yourself. Maybe you need the race more for yourself and your own training program, only you know.
That said, I suggest that you put the hammer down!