Don’t give up showers.
if I can do it in street clothes or naked . . .
I sure don’t like the pit!! You made me smile!! Good advice too. Thanks!
Thanks so much. Appt made with my doc. I will get the tests and see. I would like to give back. I know it would feel good to help others. Hope your wife is doing okay.
You sound like you have been through a lot!!! Talk about being blind sided!! Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and friends who really care which also reflects well on you as a person. Thanks for being so open. It was helpful. You made me cry too. I was making a great effort at keeping it in until I got to “4. Forgive yourself.” It sent me over the edge.
I so appreciate the honesty and advice. I would love to be a thousand miles from here but I am stuck here for now. But I will start with small steps. Figuring out what is me will help. If I can figure that out.
I am glad you answered. I hope you got the tears under control. I have just about got myself under control so I can at least open my door and face the world. And look at how far you have come in just 7 short weeks!!! I think you are awesome!!
Thanks so much for the help.
Thanks Lorenzo. Maybe I am. But the idea of triathlons excites me. People say that when I talk to them about triathlon, explaining it to them if they don’t know, I get this big smile and my whole face lights up. I just love it. I would hate to think I am done with it.
I do like the idea of getting back to basics though too. Something with no “finish” is a very interesting thought. Hard to fail at something that has no end… You may be on to something there.
Good luck with the singing and stump tossing!
Last year I did the whole career counselling/interest survey thing… Nothing jumped out at me.
Finding out who you are and what you like to do has little to nothing to do with your job. In a perfect world your job would be the same as what you like to do, however that isn’t necessary. In many cases “Your job” becomes merely a vehicle to get you to the place you want to be.
In the past I got through things by just putting my head down and working hard. Crazy hard.
Yes, and now on some levels, you may be asking yourself, “Why the hell am I doing this”.
For me what started to happen was that I would “Push thru” everything to get to the other side…which merely led to “More to push thru” and the cycle continued. Eventually I realized that all that awaited me was more “Pushing thru” and I started to lose the battle of even starting to “push”.
I spend a lot of time worrying about what is right for everyone else.
Which, again for me, was a large part of the reason I just “Pushed thru”. I pushed thru because society said I Was supposed to be successful and being successful meant I was supposed to work hard. I “Pushed thru” because “Society” said responsible men work hard. I pushed thru, and pushed thru and pushed thru and in many cases all because of what I felt others expected of me.
I agree with you… easy to say… Insanely difficult to do.
Find a GOOD therapist, not a “Here sit on this couch…what do you see in this picture” therapist. A good therapist will simply help lead you to what more than likely you already know, but just can’t put your finger on and help explain how and why you behave the way you do and give tools and insight on how you might change.
Find a person you connect with and are comfortable with, I think that is the first step.
Good luck with your journey Matt!!
Thanks.
~Matt
I didn’t catch that you were female until the last paragraph…but upon seeing that and re-reading, and if it’s a correct interpretation that you were 40 10 years ago and are 50-ish now…your ‘hormones’ can be medically normal as your Doc says, but that does NOT mean they are not a major factor. Peri-menopause/Menopause is no simple matter, regardless of how relatively normal your bloodwork is. There are significant symptoms and challenges that are going to occur regardless of your fitness, your attitude, etc. and HRT isn’t necessarily a solution. I’m not female, but my wife is…and her experience has many similarities to yours. Perhaps not quite as extreme in the ups and the downs, but all quite familiar. Your doctor is surely right that depression is a factor…but it’s not entirely something that can readily be defeated with drugs - and particularly not with drugs and no cognitive therapy…in fact if you had to choose just one or the other, therapy is going to do a lot more. You are not a fraud, not a failure. You can overcome this - you need to be patient, kind to yourself, do your best at the things that intellectually you know will help (exercise, eating right, making a conscious effort to enjoy life as much as possible, be social) and don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go perfectly all the time or things don’t progress as rapidly as you might like. There’s nothing wrong or shameful about walking rather than running (literally, and figuratively).
I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you maybe don’t have as strong a support network of peers (meaning, women your age who have, are, or will be dealing with these same issues) as you perhaps could. Maybe seeking that out somehow would help…men, and younger/fit women can sympathize with you but they can’t really empathize. One pathway to getting some social support might be to utilize your athletic background to help people who are having similar trouble but don’t have the knowledge of exercise and fitness that you do - eg. how about mentoring some aspiring exercisers, whether at work or friends. Believe it or not, your accomplishments are beyond the imagination of most people - in sharing some of that you might make more progress in returning to where you want to be.
Also, sounds from your description that your treatment has been in the form of a GP or similar prescribing meds, which done by itself is a waste of time - if your medical insurance includes a cognitive therapy benefit, USE IT. If it doesn’t, it may still be worth it to pay for it - the alternative is clearly no fun at the moment.
Hang in there!
Do you take any other medications that you would normally assume are unrelated? For example, I took Lipitor for cholesterol a few years ago and it definitely had a negative impact on my ability to concentrate and motivate.
Try something that involves fitness but not competition.
I took up bike touring where I would bike 4-5 hours per day at a nice pace, then camp outdoors. It does wonders to be outside 24 hours per day and you can just enjoy the nature without worrying about pace, time, training logs etc. I did a few weekends of that, one day out then camp and the next day back home and I was hooked.
I started exercising for fun, no watch, no logs, no HR monitors during the week and then on my bike on the weekends. I then did some longer tours on my weeks off and it was just what I needed to get back into shape and appreciating just having the health to be out there.
I need to just HTFU I guess.
In all seriousness, that is the last thing I would do.
What has always worked for me throughout my entire life, is being around other people and doing things for them. It has never failed me. I consider myself a little unstable at times ( insert wife laughing sound effect ) and I have learned that helping others, no mater how small or insignificant it might seem, is the key for me. You see, with me, I need to get out of my own head. I can’t think myself out of feeling bad. I need to move my feet. I need to open my mouth. I can turn sunshine into shit if I’m in the wrong mood. That’s just me. I need others to set me back onto the right path.
I can’t tell you how many workouts started out great only to end up as a long “hike” or a “leisure” ride. So what? At least I was out there. I used to beat myself up about that. Not any more. life is too short. I’m grateful I’m alive every day and I try to act that way. Some days you eat the bear and some days the bear eats you. So what? Tomorrow’s sun will rise somewhere. Why not over me?
I don’t mean to make it sound so simple I’m just sharing what works for me. What Dawn and Jen said is great too and I would get the medical stuff checked out first.
You know, some days I just don’t feel that great. That’s too bad. I guess I’m human. I push through those days with the thought that tomorrow might be better. That’s when I HTFU. Good luck to you and I know if you have done an Ironman you can do just about anything. You will pull though this.