This thread got me motivated enough to ride over to the local. I’d been thinking about a high school and neighbourhood friend who took his life at 24. Curiosity led me to discover he had a grave two rows over from my grandparents, so I just went down to pay respects.
I saw one gentleman sitting on the grass in front of a grave reading a book. On the way out I saw three 20’ish looking adults (m+2f) with a dog sitting at another. I noted one particularly large area that is so immaculately kept and all the tombstones are grandiose. All European sounding names - seems very important to them. Wonder if the cemetery has a min requirement in this area as all look fancy. One in the lower left had an electric guitar inscribed on it. 31yo father of four who was referred to as a ‘cool daddy’.
I am with the others here who want to be cremated. I don’t want my wife and/or kids to feel like they have to visit the place where I’m buried. A few weeks back we went to visit my mother-in-law for a couple of days over Memorial Day weekend. They went to the graves of my father-in-law, my wife’s godfather, and a few other relatives. They went back with a brush and water, and some flowers to clean them up.
On the way out of town I reminded my wife that I wanted to be cremated and for her to throw my ashes somewhere that I enjoyed going (river, woods, whatever). I also told her that if I died in a car accident, that I didn’t want one of those roadside markers. My words were “Don’t remember where I died, but where I lived”.
Also, I don’t want them to feel guilty for not maintaining the marker and/or grave. I am probably a burden on them some while alive, so I don’t want to be a burden on them after I’m gone.
I read a story about a young girl who had a severe diagnosis concerning her jawbone. Part of the treatment was to remove the diseased bone and replace it with cadaver bone. I’m not familiar with how that is done, but maybe that is another way your remains could be used to help others.
Within the cemetery I often run past, and just inside the fence, there is one very large family marker that says “Hurry”; I’m not sure if it’s meant as encouragement or a warning
Daughter has directive to do as she pleases with my ashes… Which includes the garbage disposal.
As it suits her, she is to leave them somewhere that she likes to visit, as opposed to feeling obligated to go.
I have suggested either buried in the sand, or in the water of a particular Oahu N Shore beach. We have many great memories there, and she c/s/would make more.
