I just need some perspective on this. Personally I don’t expect my non-tri friends to care at all about what it is I do. Most of them have never come to a race ever. This kind of bugs me but I’m not sure it should----need some perspective. I don’t talk about my training or racing with them becuase they are not interested. What are people’s thoughts on this topic? Do your non-tri friends come to races? Do you talk training with them? Do they seem to care about your tri life? What is a fair expectation?
I don’t think it should bug you. From my own experience, people just don’t understand why we do it. Training for tris is a very selfish thing. It takes the majority of my free time. I am just happy that my friends and family accept that and don’t try to change me. In return, I don’t try to sell them my lifestyle. That could end in some resentment on both sides.
I don’t talk about training a whole lot. It is usually hard enough to make plans with them without saying things like: well I can’t be there until 8 because I swim until 7" MY friends are used to it by now. I have a non tri GF that come and watch me race IM! But I don’t talk a whole lot about training, I learned that way back. I also learned to not commit to things like baseball games saying “i’ll meet you there, I need ti run first” That doesn’t go so well… some are supportive, some are NOT.
Some of my friends have found that it is a lot of fun to be a spectator at a tri. I purposely invite them to spectate at one of my tris if the scenery/spectating is especially good and if there are other sightseeing activities in the area that they can go do afterwards. Some of my non-athletic friends have really had a great time.
ooooh yeaaaah… I remember non-tri friends. Huh… wonder what happened to 'em.
Interesting post. I try to limit the training chat with the non-tri friends. I know they just get sick of it, and think of me as one dimensional. That said, I won’t avoid the topic altogether. I mean, if they ask me about my weekend, I might casually mention that I went for a ride or run. If they really want to hear more about it, they’ll ask, right? As for non-tri friends attending races, that depends on where the race is. None of them really go out of their way to attend a race, but if it’s convenient, they might check it out. My family is the exception. They rock! They attend all the big races (marathons, IMs), and none of them are triathletes.
put yourself in their shoes. let’s say that one of your friends hunts, and you do not. Will he talk about hunting with you? Will you go sit in a tree stand and watch him hunt? What if he says “sorry, can’t go get loaded tonight, I have to get up to hunt at 3 AM” Are you upset? Do you care about his hunting? If you don’t care about it, then you’re even. If you do care, but your frineds don’t, you need new friends, as it is not “triathlon” that they don’t care about, but rather you
Are you interested enough in your friednds’ hobbies, to say, attend a crafts fair where they sell their quilts? No? Well triathlons are even more boring than crafts fairs if you’re not a triathlete, AND they last longer, too.
Most of my groups of friends are based around my 3 main hobbies - triathlon, fishing, woodworking. The 3 rarely interact with each other, and my other hobbies are of only moderate interest to the other groups. Thats the way it should be. The exception to this is friends I’ve had since childhood, we’re always interested in everything the others are doing.
I just need some perspective on this. Personally I don’t expect my non-tri friends to care at all about what it is I do. Most of them have never come to a race ever. This kind of bugs me but I’m not sure it should----need some perspective. I don’t talk about my training or racing with them becuase they are not interested. What are people’s thoughts on this topic? Do your non-tri friends come to races? Do you talk training with them? Do they seem to care about your tri life? What is a fair expectation?
So…you don’t expect your friends to care, but it bugs you that they don’t show up for your races? That seems strange. You already know they’re not interested, so why would you want to subject them to a day of waiting around to see you for a few brief minutes in a very non-spectator-friendly sport?
It sounds like your non-tri friends are non-active in general. My non-tri friends are all active, and I don’t expect them to come to my races. Just accept that they’re into different things than you, or look for new friends.
my friends will come to my ‘A’ race but not the shorter ones. Hell, I don’t think that there is a lot that they do I would be willing to get up at the crack of dawn on a sunday to watch them do. Of coarse, they are never doing anything at the crack of dawn on a sunday…
They are about as interested in hearing about my tri as I am in hearing of their softball league. The flip-side is that they are genuinely impressed with what they know of tri, much in the same way I am awed that they can hit and throw accurately. I got into running (then eventually tri) because I am an uncoordinated klutz who cannot hit, throw, catch or kick a ball with any semblance of accuracy. As friends, we can appreciate the talents of each other, but there isn’t a lot of discussion/participation that goes into it. I can’t imagine ever being disappointed because they don’t want to come watch me.
What do they like…they all admire how skinny I can stay and eat like I do, but then think Im crazy to get up at 5 to workout and then fit a swim into the noon hour-Personally, if they don’t do it, they don’t understand and I don’t talk to them much about it. I do however get upset when the coworker complains about how they want to have a nice body and how I am “so lucky” I tell them that it comes with work and if they wanted it, they could get it too-then when they realize what I mean, they call me crazy again:)
Some of my really good non-tri friends love to come to the races as a group and watch hot tri guys (and they keep my fiance company who finds my races boring). I don’t talk about training with them except occassionally when we are out to say I can’t drink tonight because I have to get up at 4:30 to do a long workout. They ask what long workout means and they conclude yet again that I’m nuts. That’s about the extent of any conversation about my training. My friends are great and supportive but I’m also super supportive of some the nutty and bizarre things they’ve gotten involved in. It’s a two way street.
After years of doing this I have lost touch with almost all non-tri friends (especially since I started doing IMs). On any day there is a choice of tri related socializing I can do that combine training and socializing (things like open water swim & BBQ, a run & brunch, a spin & pot luck). There’s just no time left in the week for non family and non tri related socializing.
The only non-tri, non family friends I still socialize with are a group of ultramarathon runners that I do long trail runs with.
Just talk to us. We are all you need. We understand.
My friends completely embrace the idea, and come to my races all the time. They even set up shop at IMLP and people would come up to them with food orders thinking they were vendors. They come to all of my big races and treat me like Vincent Chase from ‘Entourage’ on the rare night I go out. Since I don’t drink, they’ll usually clear a spot so I have a seat and then immediately come back with water or Diet Coke.
2 weeks before Ironman Florida, one even offered to carry me on his back so I wouldn’t ruin my taper walking around.
If your friends don’t care about what you care about, what good are they? I don’t talk training with them, they’ll just bring it up to see how i’m doing, but you should expect your friends to show interest in what interests you. That’s my perspective.
My non-tri friends are pretty cool about it. They’re curious and even ask questions about training, races, etc. A few have even come to watch races. Some think I’m a god, some think I’m nuts.
Who needs friends when you have those beautiful mountains??
You must get some nice mountain runs in.
My friends have come to some of my races and not come to other races. I’m fine either way, but especially more appreciative if they do come to any of the races (be it some local 5k or a big IM event). But the big thing I keep in mind is that no matter what happens, my friends have been there for me during far more important times than triathlon. I’m just thankful that when other things in my life weren’t going well that I had the people around to keep me going. So even though they may never go to my A-race, I hold no resentment towards my friends at all. To put things in perspective, if one of my friends was an accomplished flower gardener, I don’t know how intereseted I would be in attending their flower expo…
As with most of you on these forums, my biggest rule with my friends is to not talk about training or my races when I’m hanging out.
Balance and Diversity in life rules!!!
They think I am strange because I shave my legs.