Well, alot of us believe that being a few pounds lighter will make us better people or at least allow us to race a few minutes faster. With this in mind I have spent several years developing the following diet. I would like you to try it for free for 2 weeks and tell me whether it works or not. Follow the guidelines below EXACTLY and see the results for yourself. For Free (I retain all rights to this plan however)
THE PLAN - TriDork’s patented “SEX DIET”
set your alarm clock 1/2 hour LATER in the morning.
get up at the alarm and have a “quickie”, “dawn breaker” or whatever you call morning sex. (as long as you both get off, go to step 3)
shower quidkly and go to work (without breakfast, there will be no time to eat)
have a coffee and donut or whatever, for morning coffee break.
go home (or to the car or the park) for a “nooner” quick sex, with your partner, where you both get off.
back to work via the drive thru order whatever tickles your fancy.
go home and have a sensible dinner (just like all the other plans suggest). Then instead of watching TV with a bag of chips and a beer, go to bed for 3 hour romantic love making. Candles, massage oil, feathers, whatever. Kissing and cuddling, the whole shooting match. Both get off several times.
grab a (cigarette? and) shower
pass out in bed until the alarm goes off
repeat for 2 weeks.
If you don’t lose all the weight you want…Who cares!!!
Let me know how much weight you lose. Coming soon to a late night TV info-mercial near you.
go home and have a sensible dinner (just like all the other plans suggest). Then instead of watching TV with a bag of chips and a beer, go to bed for 3 hour romantic love making. Candles, massage oil, feathers, whatever. Kissing and cuddling, the whole shooting match. Both get off several times.
3 hours with kissing and cuddling? and with candles? what are you talking about? Who needs any of that? I’m ready to go to sleep without the cuddling in about 15 minutes tops. What more does any grown man need? Well, maybe some TV afterwards.
The cuddling and kissing, feathers etc is not for afterwards, it’s for BETWEEN the several times the PLAN requires you to get off after dinner.
Silly boy!
Everyone thinks they are good at sex, but it takes someone years to come up with such an ingeneous and thoroughly thought out plan. The evening workout is crucial for success with the plan. Getting off several times gives you endurance as well as burns additional calories. It also keeps you away from the beer and chips. It also gets you good and tired, so you sleep that extra 1/2 hour the next morning. Stroke of genius if you ask me.
Now stop talking about it. Get home and gettin’ jiggy!
It should work for singles, but you either need some date rape drug, a slut for a sister (if you live in a trailer park) or you will go blind before you get to your target weight.
You will however save money on massage oil, feathers, candles etc. Singles are not covered by the weight loss guarantee, nor does the optional healthcare coverage cover singles.
Your mileage may vary, pictures are for illustrative purposes only, contents may settle with shipping etc
I said it was possible for singles to do. Of course there are dangers. Muscle imbalances are one of the many drawbacks of being single, not just with THE PLAN.
I seem to recall talking about lopsidedness not being attractive. Single people utilizing my PLAN would of course get some degree of lopsidedness whitch is counter productive with regard to the PLAN.
Probably better to be a good looking top performing symmetrical fat person than a skinny asymmetrical person that limps quickly to the finish line, in my view.
Now tell me (in two weeks) how well it works and whether you become a shell of your former self, race incredibly faster or simply reach sublime happiness.
I recently tried that diet and it definitely helps lose weight but also sleep which is the problem. In order to get to sleep quickly I think they need to be a partner of at least 10yrs, by then they appreciate it is in their favour too. If it happens to be anew partner, once you start it is hard to stop, you end up late to work, the boss gets completely pissed, they can tell why you are so tired yet so happy, everyone can so its possible that this diet could ruin your career. That covers those in the office that don’t get any/much any more. Then there are the ones that are getting plenty, but there is never enough, so pretty soon you’ll be recognised as one of those that do and you’ll be getting all these other offers that you don’t need. Of course you should take some souvenirs on the photocopier and of course do the boss’ desk, all this extra curricular activity is going to cut down on those eating opportunities. However, this diet like the Atkins diet should only be used for a limited time before all the negative side effects accumulate and start to do some real damage to your life.
Other diets I have tried. Living in Taiwan for a while, just eat goats balls before each meal - it is guaranteed to reduce your appetite for the rest fo the day. As well if you find yourself become partial to these chewy bits there is always “stinky bean curd”. Apparently one of those aromas that will make you convulse but it is supposed to taste great (like some of those weird Indonesian tropical fruits). Let me tell you, it smells better that it tastes! This of course is good news in the appetite suppression stakes (not steaks and not on the BBQ). I also tried the “free food diet” for 6 weeks, where the object is to only eat food that you get for free. This was partly self imposed because I spent all my per diem money while on assignment in Silicon Valley on a new Specialized Stumpjumper. My girlfriend/fiance (now wife) said when I was hungry I should look at the bike - it didn’t help with the hunger or the sex cravings! Unfortunatelky this diet loses it’s effectiveness quickly as you develop mooching skills very quickly, well actually the hotel I stayed in included breakfast and “hospitality” evenings Monday through Thursday, which left me just 3 nights to get myself invited somewhere for dinner. Once of the benefits is that it will improve your charm and enhance your personality somewhat. If you can choose people who aren’t very good with their culinary skills (but not very bad either) it works well as they can see that you genuinely like what they cooked and the rest of the family will feel like you’ve done them a favour by making sure it’s all gone. Herein, lies the problem too much success breeds failure! You will start to put on weight, because you will eat like you may not get another meal tomorrow, it then becomes a problem when you do.
That’s what I like about this forum. Everyone feeds off one another and improves the ideas. That’s how progress is made. Good on ya! Exxcellent work. I might just incorporate that in the info-mercial when it comes out! :-0
