That’s true. If Susan Dell reads, and she probably does given the article about her last year(or at least they give her credit for reading), well that’s a couple hundred million more right there.
Next year’s announcement, after almost everyone cancels their subscription in disgust: “The average Triathlete Magazine reader has a net worth of $62.3 Million, owns a 47’ boat, and flies a private jet to their estate in Kona for the WTC championships. They own a home in the vicinity of each race locale, and have a full-time chef and personal coach.”
IMNA entries will then be raised to $5,000, The Holiday Inn will charge $1,500/night with a 14 might minimum, and you won’t be allowed on the course unless you are riding a Lightspeed Blade or custom Serotta. All entrants will have to purchase a $50,000 race shopping pass to be used to purchase things at the race venue, with no refunds for unused monies.
Race support will be purchased cafeteria style by each racer, and various support packages will be offered.
Level 1(Platinum): A swimmer will be provided for you to draft during the swim. Gourmet food, chilled bottled water, energy drinks of your choice, mixed to order, fruit platters, and energy bars at every rest stop. Full bike support, including tune-ups, will be provided. A personal valet will be provided to you on the run. This person will fetch food and beverages for you. A personal porta-potty will be available specifically for your use and transported via helicopter anywhere on the course. You will have a personal medical team assigned to you.
Level 2(Gold): Chilled bottled water, Gatorade, energy bars, and fruit will be provided. You will receive bike support if available. You will have access to the Reserved Porta-Potties. If you require medical assistance, the first IV is complimentary.
Level 3(Silver): Tap water in used bike bottles, watered down Gatorade, Gu(only gross flavors). Honey buckets will be located at miles 20 & 76 on the bike.
Level 4(Bronze): Dirty lake water, bring your own bottles, no Gatorade, expired Gu packets. Go in your shorts. IV’s are $100/each.
(I had much higher hopes for this, but that pesky work keeps interfering.)