For those of you who used your Timex GPS and heart rate monitor, the “Ironman Watch,” yesterday, and experienced a significant “heart rate warp” and distance “glitch,” the Timex people need you to contact them immediately.
It wasn’t from interference from “power lines.”
Apparently, an object has dragged off the Timex satellite from its orbital path, along with many of its users it was tracking below.
A rash of “Ironman” users experienced some problems late yesterday afternoon and night, during exercising, after seing “bright white lights moving across their horizon,” in Arizona, Arkansas, and Texas. If, at your last known reading, your HR got stuck on 15 BPM during your run, you blacked out, and, after you woke up, your distance meter showed you traveled 55,000,000 miles, this message is for you. In addition, all users should check the back of their right elbows and search for a small surgically, implanted golden pin-like rod.
The Timex people told me that, to get the watch and strap to return back to normal functioning, you will need to have the small rod surgically removed at a hospital, at their expense, or you can do it yourself, but it can get kind of nasty. Otherwise they can’t guarantee that this won’t continue to happen to you, again. Claim forms can be found at http://www.timex-ironman-abductees.com/faqs/how_to_remove_ufo_emitter.html