I just sent you a PM - email me back now.
Did you get a hold of him???
No yet. 
He’s no longer online. I’m PM’ing anyway.
Hopefully he’s just passed out and sleeping it off. Thanks.
Holy Crap!! It sounds like you’ve been through a lot, even without an awful disease. Please do your loved ones a favor and keep living. To me, you’re a screen name and I have no idea what you have to suffer with everyday, but if you’re still well enough to train for a Ironman, I think you’ve got a way to go before suicide is even a remote option. I don’t know about God (especially as an agnostic) but I think that you’ve got to put everything into living. There may be a huge gap between what we are struggling toward and what we achieve, but it is the struggle that gives us dignity and freedom. Maybe there is more dignity in choosing to continue the struggle against reality when you are faced with your mortality as you have been. Too late for me to make much sense, though that’s often the case, so I’ll stop. I hope things look better tomorrow.
Kevin
P.S. Though I hate to reccomend books to strangers (seems pompus) I really liked Albert Camus “The Plague” really well written and though slightly different from what I believe, he makes a lot of good arguments.
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Ditto that!!!
Holy shit I just woke up to read this, I wish I saw it sooner. My hope is that you shook off some meds and are able to address some of these concerns with a clearer mind. I don’t know you, have never met you, and maybe I never will, but ask someone for a little help getting through these tough times. There are many people that would be willing to help you, I am sure of that.
I can’t even begin to tell you how many times you have brought a smile to my face.
First thought: Judging by the time of the post, you are tired. Get some sleep.
Second thought: Kick my butt at Lake Placid this year, as usual.
Third thought: None of us know when our time will be up. Enjoy every day. Life is a gift.
Sorry, I wish I had something more profound to offer.
don’t give up
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You’ve done a 10:15 IM!?! It takes a lot of gumption to finish an IM. And doing an IM in 10:15 is even sweeter. You need to share some of your secrets. Perhaps you could post the “Record10Carbon tip-`O-the-week.” That would be great.
Chip - Hang tough. As Art says - you just never know how things will unfold any day. Life is weird. People who are “terminally ill” live for ages. “Healthy” people drop dead randomly. Every day is sweet – even the bad ones. Anyway, check in with us today. And go for a ride – sometimes you need to sweat these things out.
'wolf
I also vote for don’t give up. Things can seem very grim, but they do improve. Take my word for it.
Also, continue to do what you’ve done and lean on your friends here on Slowtwitch. We’ll do our best to keep you company on the forum here.
Never give up, never give in, stop and rest when you have to, but keep moving. The only easy day was yesterday.
I follow the biotech industry as I do some investing there. All I can tell you is hang in there and do anything you can to keep stalling. The breakthroughs are coming fast and soon they will knock the “big C” on its ass.
Wow, I had no clue…well, I’m relatively new to being active here, so…but man, hang on and hang in. The body is a strange thing, and the mind even more so. Not to get too philosophical but it is amazing how strong the mind can make the body even in the face of something like cancer. The advances in technology in medicine nowadays makes it even more paramount that one be strong…a cure could indeed be around the corner, you know?
And if it’s not…well, we all have to deal with our mortality. My father died when I was 12 and he was not yet 35, of cancer. In many ways I feel that every day since my 35th birthday I’ve lived on borrowed time…yeah, it’s a fatalistic viewpoint and it’s not something I dwell on much—kind of a “reality check” when things seemingly get out of control at work or in my personal life. It stops me and makes me think things could be much worse. After all, life causes death to us all at some point.
No one, not you, not me, not anyone, really and truly knows what tomorrow will bring, or even the next minute for that matter. What we can control is how we react to our surroundings. Easy to say, hard to pull of sometimes, especially in light of what you are dealing with. But it sounds like you’re still very strong physically, and to pull of a 10:15 IM you’ve got to be incredibly strong mentally. Stay that way.
You can beat this. Don’t let go without a major league, all-out, no holds barred brawl.
Chip,
I just “met” you last week. And while I didn’t take you up on your offer, it meant a lot to me. A complete stranger was willing to help me out of a jam. You’re still making the world a better place. Don’t stop.
Benjamin
My only advice is that if you are going to wrap up your book, as opposed to having some other “natural” force end it for you, leave softly. A bullet ain’t the way to go. I’d probably go to the mountains, or some part of the Pacific Crest Trail, and just start walking without food or something of that nature. Maybe just start swimming out into the ocean if it were my love, like Gary Hall Jr. talked about doing, only he always turned back. Anyhow, I’m not advocating anything drastic here, just saying that even in death it’s cool to be graceful. Plus, such a method (fasting/walking in the mountains) would allow for some lucidity to come your way.
Chip, if you do something stupid I swear I’ll hang a Doo Rachee derailleur on my brand new Yaqui. And she’ll never forgive you for it!
Seriously bro, I hope this dark period passes quickly and that you’ll be back to your normal self really soon.
K
I’d probably go to the mountains, or some part of the Pacific Crest Trail, and just start walking without food or something of that nature. Maybe just start swimming out into the ocean if it were my love, like Gary Hall Jr. talked about doing, only he always turned back. Anyhow, I’m not advocating anything drastic here, just saying that even in death it’s cool to be graceful. Plus, such a method (fasting/walking in the mountains) would allow for some lucidity to come your way.
Huh? Are you insane?
This is pretty much the most inconsiderate advice on the whole thread (for Record and all others who think about suicide).
Please don’t do this on the trails or the bodies of water that I frequently use!
It scared the shit out of me the last time someone did something like this and I had to stumble over the corps (not to speak of the smell)!
Don’t advocate such BS!
P.S.: Mr. Hall should go up to the Red Triangle if he wants to end it like this (at least the sharks will have a feast).
Chip,
I spent a good chunk of afternoon trying to find the cell phone number that you sent me before last year’s Tinman with no success.
I’ve been here before, and it sucks. The End is not the end; people remember after all hope has gone, and their suffering is real. Live for other people.
If for no other reason, keep living to ride, to feel the wind, and to run over cow crap compressed on the road.
If I find out you’re not with us I’m going to be both pissed and broken.
My ride leaves at 8:30 tomorrow. I will pray as I push the pedals.
Caleb