These are our demands

Triathlon Forum
1

We, the People of Slowtwitch, hereby demand:

$25 Sprint distance races
$45 Olympic distance races
$65 Half Iron distance races
$95 Iron distance races

For this princely sum in return we shall receive:

~Easy online registration
~Free, fully supported preview rides of the course for 1/2 and iron distance races
~Free parking close to the venue
~Designated rack space with no more than 10 bikes/rack
~A secure transition area but without those annoying people who want to see if your wristband/body marking matches the bike number - they should know who we are!

~A guaranteed wetsuit swim
~No waves or chop
~Marker buoys that never drift so as to make the course too long
~Paddlecraft, motorized on-water support, and tonnes of lifeguards that keep us on-course as well as safe even if we can’t swim
~FIN BUSTERS!!!
~Wetsuit strippers

~Closed roads with police roadblocks at any intersections with vehicular traffic
~Fully stocked aid stations every 10km with anything and everything imaginable
~Draft marshals that bust 100% of the cheaters, but leave me alone because that guy surged when I went to pass him and then he slowed down so I wasn’t able to drop back quickly enough.
~Rolling support that guarantees a 5min response to an on-road incident. Support should have tubes, tyres, tubulars, and wheels (Campy & Shimano) - in both 650c and 700c sizing, derailleurs, chains, brake and shift cables, spare levers (brake and shift), brake pads, saddles, bars, stems, seatposts, seatpost clamps - especially all the weird ones that are unique to the new breed of aero uberbikes, odd nuts and bolts, water bottle cages, helmets, sunglasses, first aid, and anything else that might be needed
~Marshals that ensure that everyone stays on course, fully barricading any opportunity to go off course or miss a turn

~Fully stocked aid stations every 2km
~Marshals that ensure that everyone stays on course, fully barricading any opportunity to go off course or miss a turn
~No selfish jerks clogging up the finisher’s chute
~Opportunity for my children/dog/grandmother/coworkers/entourage to cross the finish line with us and celebrate in our achievement

~AWESOME finisher’s medals, quality schwag in the race package, and professional photography throughout
~KONA slots (the only race that matters, right?)
~Chip timing with realtime results uploaded to the web
~Free post-race massage
~Top quality post-race food
~Cash prizes for AGers
~Lots of draw prizes, participant prizes, and donations from the local community
~Stuff for the kids/spouses to do

I’m sure others can add to this, but this is a decent starting point for a 1st time RD. Bear in mind that we expect this race to get better every year.

2

You missed an ice cold mug of beer at the finish but otherwise you are correct…not too much to ask is it?

Andrew

3

Let me get 500,000 participants, and I’ll make it happen!

4

As someone who does races purely on an “age group,competitive with myself” type of basis I concur on the race fee part. It seems even Olympic Distances now are extremely pricey. Does it really need to be almost $200 to do an Olympic in a place I’ve heard of before?

5

The content of the original post makes me think it’s all in pink. The replies make me think it’s not. Either way, nice post. I choose to see it in pink. It doesn’t make sense otherwise.

That being said, I am finding that the tri lifestyle is more expensive than I was expecting, and my imminent move to Long Island isn’t going to help. An Olympic that I was hoping to do is $175 and the HIM I might be capable of doing by October is $240 - almost the cost of my bike!

6

Don’t forget a 100% money-back guarantee if I’m not 100% satisfied with my race day experience. The customer is always right, right?

7

So, when are you starting your races as RD?

8

Also, we will be expecting replacement bicycles if a foreign carrier misplaces our bicycle before the race.

Don’t worry about shoes or wetsuit replacement, we’ll take care of that ourselves.

9

Care to share where you got that dope your on? :slight_smile:

CS

10

Khai, that’s a good start, but you forgot some important points:

  • Cheap accomodation that is close to the start/finish and guaranteed not to sell out before the race. Must be four star hotel or better and of course no fees for last minute room cancellations.
  • Cheap airfare, with no charges for bike boxes.
  • Race entry refunds, in full, in the event of illness, bad hair days or athlete’s favorite pro sports team unexpectedly making the playoffs.
11

Meebe youse Canucks kin git away wif those demand by scammin’ yer gubmint.

Ain’t ‘a gonna fly down here in the land of EXPENSIVE milk ‘n honey. An’ lawyers. An’ unions. An’ oil tycoons. An’ overpriced, underperforming software. An’… Lookee here ya red varmint. Just cause summa these here folk EEElected a sosherlist president, we ain’t a gonna be subserdizing yer little sport on da public’s dime.

12

I’ll take those prices for sprints and olys
and expect ONLY accurate course distances and timing.

no water, no gatorade, hell I’ll even lay my bike on the ground in transition.

13

I would laugh to take some of the absolute candy asses back to grass roots races in a time machine. They wouldn’t even toe up at the lake edge. Mass start swims…there was no such thing as a wave. Take 500 ass holes who think they are Mark Spitz and sprint for the turn buoy. Pick up your bike off the grass, the tree you laid it against or perhaps a doting girlfriend was holding it for you since there were no ropes. Hope you have good vision b/c the turns were spray painted on the road…not one single volunteer out on course. Freaking paper signs at corners with giant arrows on the bike…and I TOTALLY miss it. There would be 1/10th the amount of primadonnas around if races were still like this…oh the good old days. Finisher medals and t-shirts? Probably didn’t get my first t-shirt until Bud Light got into the game with USTS. Refreshments? Hope you have a big cooler in the car! Damn those were hands down the best racing days in my memories. It was adventurous, you never know what to expect, who you’d meet…each race was just an absolute HOOT!

The devil is in the details…if you want to have your balls sucked from the time you enter the transition area until leaving then expect to pay 2 bills for an oly. If you just want to experience a sport with other lovers of the game and can fend for yourself then I’m sure the RD’s would globally love to stop all the coddling and baby sitting to go back to the old days. Grab a truck full of cones and ropes, fresh batts for the megaphone and have some fun!

Khai I love the tone of your post…nice!

14

I would laugh to take some of the absolute candy asses back to grass roots races in a time machine. They wouldn’t even toe up at the lake edge. Mass start swims…there was no such thing as a wave. Take 500 ass holes who think they are Mark Spitz and sprint for the turn buoy. Pick up your bike off the grass, the tree you laid it against or perhaps a doting girlfriend was holding it for you since there were no ropes. Hope you have good vision b/c the turns were spray painted on the road…not one single volunteer out on course. Freaking paper signs at corners with giant arrows on the bike…and I TOTALLY miss it. There would be 1/10th the amount of primadonnas around if races were still like this…oh the good old days. Finisher medals and t-shirts? Probably didn’t get my first t-shirt until Bud Light got into the game with USTS. Refreshments? Hope you have a big cooler in the car! Damn those were hands down the best racing days in my memories. It was adventurous, you never know what to expect, who you’d meet…each race was just an absolute HOOT!

x2 and they only cost about $10 which you could pay when you rolled up to register that morning.BBQ and beer afterwards.

.

15

Best triathlon series ever was in Indianapolis at a place called Eagle Creek Park. I have not lived in Indy for over 20 years, but that was my first…~86-87. SO MUCH FUN. That race organizer was a man who ‘got it’. Holy smokes he was a riot. Pre race meeting on beach for 20 seconds. I wonder if they still race up there…that park was perfect for racing.

16

How have you guys forgotten about bathrooms? I want my own personal porta pottie, cleaned professionally between uses. MY USES.

I think it’s time for some underground unofficial smackdown races. Wiffcheese, I love the description of those races of lore. Perfect.

17

I told you stopping those meds wasn’t a good idea. Now you’ve gone all crazy and shit on us.

18

How have you guys forgotten about bathrooms? I want my own personal porta pottie, cleaned professionally between uses. MY USES.

I think it’s time for some underground unofficial smackdown races. Wiffcheese, I love the description of those races of lore. Perfect.

I guarantee you a bare bones race series would do well. Some of the pussies would do it just b/c it’s cheap and no doubt complain, but they would ask where to sign up on the way out for next years race. Fred Sommer has a bit of the attitude and I dig it. I am well on my way to being a 1 race a year kind of guy and it will probably be GFT. That bike course is brutal and basically says ‘you can TRY and suck my balls, if you dare’. I dig the way Fred switches up the routes too…he’s edgy.

I read where Fred is giving free entries to all past winners for the 20 year anniversary. I wish I could do it this year, but the knee rehab didn’t go as expected this year so 2011 hopefully.

19

If anything happens to me on the way to the race (i.e., lost baggage, “lost” hotel reservations, car accident, flight delays), I expect a representative of the race to help me out. If it’s in a country that does not speak my native language, I expect a translator to be available on call.

20

We, the People of Slowtwitch, hereby demand:

$95 Iron distance races (would you settle for an Iron-difficulty+ multisport event?)

For this princely sum in return we shall receive:

~Easy online registration
~Free, fully supported preview rides of the course for 1/2 and iron distance races
~Free parking close to the venue
~Designated rack space with no more than 10 bikes/rack
~A secure transition area but without those annoying people who want to see if your wristband/body marking matches the bike number - they should know who we are!

~No waves or chop - oh, this is a given!
~police roadblocks at intersections with vehicular traffic
~Fully stocked aid stations with just what you need, and nothing more
~Draft marshals that bust 100% of the cheaters, but leave me alone because that guy surged when I went to pass him and then he slowed down so I wasn’t able to drop back quickly enough. No need - believe me.
~Rolling support that guarantees a 5min response to an on-road incident. Support should have tubes, tyres, tubulars, and wheels (Campy & Shimano) - in both 650c and 700c sizing, derailleurs, chains, brake and shift cables, spare levers (brake and shift), brake pads, saddles, bars, stems, seatposts, seatpost clamps - especially all the weird ones that are unique to the new breed of aero uberbikes, odd nuts and bolts, water bottle cages, helmets, sunglasses, first aid, and anything else that might be needed. The RD is kinda round, and he was rolling for a while -does that count??

~Fully stocked aid stations every 3km
~barricading any opportunity to go off course or miss a turn
~No selfish jerks clogging up the finisher’s chute
~Opportunity for my children/dog/grandmother/coworkers/entourage to cross the finish line with us and celebrate in our achievement

~AWESOME finisher’s medals - and AG podium BIG HONKIN BEER STEINS
~Chip timing with realtime results uploaded to the web - howzabout live updates on ST?
~Free post-race massage - done.
~Top quality post-race food - done.
~Cash prizes for AGers - done.
~Stuff for the kids/spouses to do - roger that.

~you left out FREE BEER. Rookie.

I’m sure others can add to this, but this is a decent starting point for a 1st time RD. Bear in mind that we expect this race to get better every year.

At the risk of pimping yet again for tetsuoni - American Zofingen has pretty much all of the above (I deleted the stuff it doesn’t).