At what i thought was a local p123 25lap criterium. Instead of the offical covering the rules, the announcer comes on to say hello to a few of the racers. Those hellos were extended to 3 national champions, 4 state champions and one member of the US olympic team.
Needless to say the race was brutal. Off the gun it was a balls out sprint. The whole race was relentless attacks and chases. The lead 3 man breakaway won by a margin of 2 minutes.
Im still shaking.
I’m impressed that you still started!
Or were you just boxed in at the startline and had no way to escape?
You need to learn the TriDork tricks for getting out of things. For example.
One time I was out for a 100km bike ride with a few buddies. We got swallowed by a bike store bunch and decided to get a tow as long as we could. We were charging along at top speed, with guys at the front taking about 8 minute turns. As they’d tire, they’d peel off and hide at the back. I was in about the 8th row and working huard just to stay in the bunch. When I got to the 3rd row, I knew I had to come up with something because there was NO way I could hold 8 minutes at terminal velocity.
Part 1. turn and look at the rear deraillieur several times (enough times to make sure everyone behind can see there might be a problem)
Part 2. Shift gears up and down (un-necessarily of course) and again stare at the RD.
Part 3. Unclip right foot and hit the RD a few times to “adjust it”
(Part 3 will slow you down just enough to let say 8-10 riders behind you, ride past.)
Part 4. Clip in again and ride, firmly hidden well away from facing the wind
Or how about, at the beginning of a tough hilly race. Cough loudly and repeatedly at the start line. Swig from a bottle of cough medicine. Look very sad. Then, when you get near a hill, take another swig and drop to the back, just slowly enough that you are at the back of the bunch at the top of the hill.
See? Old and cunning beats young and strong every time!
I’m impressed that you still started!
Or were you just boxed in at the startline and had no way to escape?
You need to learn the TriDork tricks for getting out of things. For example.
One time I was out for a 100km bike ride with a few buddies. We got swallowed by a bike store bunch and decided to get a tow as long as we could. We were charging along at top speed, with guys at the front taking about 8 minute turns. As they’d tire, they’d peel off and hide at the back. I was in about the 8th row and working huard just to stay in the bunch. When I got to the 3rd row, I knew I had to come up with something because there was NO way I could hold 8 minutes at terminal velocity.
Part 1. turn and look at the rear deraillieur several times (enough times to make sure everyone behind can see there might be a problem)
Part 2. Shift gears up and down (un-necessarily of course) and again stare at the RD.
Part 3. Unclip right foot and hit the RD a few times to “adjust it”
(Part 3 will slow you down just enough to let say 8-10 riders behind you, ride past.)
Part 4. Clip in again and ride, firmly hidden well away from facing the wind
Or how about, at the beginning of a tough hilly race. Cough loudly and repeatedly at the start line. Swig from a bottle of cough medicine. Look very sad. Then, when you get near a hill, take another swig and drop to the back, just slowly enough that you are at the back of the bunch at the top of the hill.
See? Old and cunning beats young and strong every time!
Quoted for preservation of some seriously good info. LOL! Very nice, tridork!
Dude were your knees knocking after?
;0)
Damn, dude, that’s what I do when I start getting passed by old chicks and guys on cyclocross bikes during an Ironman!
I’ve got a million of 'em. 
I can hold a wheel when my life depends on it,. but I can’t lead worth shit!
I need all the excuses I can come up with!
My mates call me a “wheel sucking whore”