My sister has two kids–a four year old boy and a two year old girl. My father is retired and watches them during the day while my sister is at work. One day over the summer, my father had to come over for whatever reason during the day and brought both kids with him. My wife was home, so she entertained the kids while my father was busy. My wife has two hairless rats (she got these without giving me a chance to say “no” first) and the kids were really interested in them, so she let them pet them. My wife told me that my nephew refused to accept that they were naturally hairless and kept asking why she cut their hair.
Anyway, my sister texted me that night and told me that when she picked the kids up that evening, my nephew told her this story: “John’s mom has two rats but they don’t have any hair because she cut it. She knit them clothes so they don’t get cold.” We have no idea why he thinks that my wife is my mom (I’ve tried to explain to him many times now that his mom and I have the same mom and that I’m married to my wife, but he completely ignores me when I tell him.), where he got the idea that my wife cuts the rats hair (We’ve tried explaining that they were born hairless, but that too falls on def ears.), or why he thinks my wife knitted them clothes (They are rats. They have no clothes.).
One day my 13 year old walked to daycare to pick up the 5 year old. One of the other kids there had a real problem pronouncing “k” sounds–he substitued “t” sounds. My older one overheard one of the teachers saying “Kyle–tell Miss Kim why you don’t have a cat at home.” To which Kyle replied “Because I’m allergic to titties,” at which point both teachers crack up.
I was laying on the floor watching tv and ms veganerd came over and gave me a passionate kiss. My son 2 1/2 walks over and gets right in our faces and says ” mamma do that to me too”
A few years ago, we had two twins under the age of 1 in our home as foster children. Our son was around 10 at the time. The two twins cried ALL the time - I mean all the time. Long story short, my wife’s mother became very ill and we could no longer keep the twins in our home because my wife had to begin caring for her dying mother, so we had to place them with another foster family.
So, we’re in the pediatricians office one day and a woman is sitting there with two sick kids who were crying uncontrollably. My son walks over to her, gives her this serious look and said “M’am, we had two like that. We took em back!”.
The lady looks at us with this strange gaze and we just smile at her and nod our head yes.
Friend was watching a game downstairs and spills his drink, “ah, f***”. Boy goes running upstairs. Comes back down and says, “mommy told me to tell you not to say that f***ing word again.”