The Slowtwitch Weekly Jackass Award.

Triathlon Forum
1

Ok. . .I was going to start this thread last night, but got derailed by potty training duties. . .

First. . .I hereby nominate myself for “Slowtwitch Forum Jackass of the Day” for yesterday, 24 May 2004, for my holier-than-thou tone in one particular thread. . .

Feel free to nominate yourself, if you made a Jackass of yourself yesterday. . . In fact, I think we should instigate the “Slowtitch Daily Forum Jackass” award. . . Why, you ask? Because we all have days when we take ourselves just a little too seriously. . .Therefore, its entirely fitting to “lighten up, Frances” and laugh at ourselves. . .

My proposed rules for the daily JACKASS award. . .

Rules for Nomination for “Slowtwitch Forum Daily Jackass”:

  1. Forum members can only nominate themselves, NOT another Forum member, for the award. (Remember, the object is to laugh at ourselves. . .not others. And hey, we’ve all got opinions about who is a jackass on this forum, and, proverbially, they ALL stink!)

  2. To be eligible for nomination, forum members must have posted at least once in that 24 hour period. In order to deter “one-off”, anonymous, or aberrant troll jackassery, Forum members must also have a minimum of 25 post histories to be eligible for nomination. In other words, don’t create a new forum name, troll a thread full of jackassery, and expect to be considered for jackass of the day. This is not about “premeditated” jackassery. . .we all commit enough “negligent” jackassery without trying.

  3. Nominations for “Daily Jackass” must be based on DIRECT Forum posting activity for THAT DAY ONLY. In other words, you are not eligible for “Daily Jackass” for cleating a passing car or leaving a #2 sitting in the Bikesportmichigan commode, or for admitting that you did said actions to others on the forum. While those actions represent jackassery at its finest, they are not DIRECT forum activity, and therefore not “Slowtitch Forum Daily Jackass” eligible actions.

  4. Daily nominations are effective from 12:00 noon U.S. Pacific Standard and in effect until 7:00 AM Pacific Standard time. A moritorium on nominations will occur from 7:00 AM PST until 12:00 PST each day in order to keep the voting period clear of extraneous posts. (selection of time zone is completely arbitrary so I thought it appropriate to use our beloved moderator’s time zone)

  5. Nominations must be in the format: (Nominated (time), (date in DD MMM, YYYY). No extraneous information is necessary. . .keep this thread streamlined. We can all find your examples of jackassery for that day. Indeed, we are probably painfully aware of them already. Example: “Nominated 0830, 25 May 2004”

  6. Nomination need only be made once in each 24 hour period. If you make even more of a jackass of yourself, leave it to the voting forum members to determine the enormity of your accomplishment.

  7. Nominations may NOT be cancelled at any time. . .No retractions allowed, even if you edit the offending posts. If you’re going to be a jackass. . .BE a jackass. You can’t undo jackassery. You can’t cover it up. You can’t buy jackassery. You can’t bribe it away. Those actions only compound the jackassery.

Voting procedures for “Slowtwitch Forum Daily Jackass”:

  1. Voting for the “Daily Jackass” will commence promptly at 7:00 AM Pacific Standard time. Voting will be open for exactly 5 hours, ending promply at 12:00 Noon, Pacific Standard Time.

  2. Voting will be in the following format: “Vote, (Member Name), (DD MMM, YYYY)” Again, no extraneous information is necessary. Example: “Vote, Tribriguy, 25 May 2004”

  3. Only nominated members may be voted for the “Daily Jackass”. No “write in” votes will be accepted or tallied. (See nomination rule number 1)

  4. Nominees may NOT vote in the voting for “Slowtwitch Forum Daily Jackass.” Once nominated, you are at the mercy of fellow forum members to determine your fate.

  5. Votes will be tallied by at least three forum members daily. Once two forum members post tallys which agree on the winner, please refrain from more tally posts in order to streamline the thread. Although this may still result in more than 2 tally posts, due to lag time in posting the tallys, only the first two posts which agree on the winner will be considered.

  6. There will be no recount. Hey, its a daily poll. If you are incorrectly determined to be the “Daily Jackass” SO FREAKIN WHAT! You nominated yourself. Obviously you exhibited jackass qualities. Laugh already! NO RECOUNTS. NO VOTING CHALLENGES.

  7. ONE MORE TIME. . .All results of the “Daily JACKASS” are FINAL upon two tally posts agreeing. Move on to the current day! In fact, insisting that the tally is wrong or that you were wrongly named the “Daily Jackass” may make you eligible for the next day’s voting. Feel free to nominate yourself at will.

  8. Tally posts will have the following format: “Winner (Member Name), (XXX Votes), (DD MMM, YYYY)” This is a WINNER ONLY podium. Second place is the first loser and doesn’t count. . .don’t worry, you’ll get your shot, bucko! Example: “Winner, Tribriguy, 50 Votes, 25 May 2004”

  9. Mr. Tibbs will act as “President of the Forum” in casting the deciding vote in any tally involving a tie for first place. Please send him a PM requesting his determining vote, which will be posted to the thread. Mr. Tibbs votes are final. In the event that Mr. Tibbs cannot make the determination within 24 hours of voting closing and tallys posted, of the two tied members, the one with more overall Forum posts will be declared the winner for that day.

Annual “Slowtwitch Forum Daily Jackass” award:

This award goes to the member who is voted “Daily Jackass” the most times in each calender year, beginning and ending on 1 January of each year. What is your prize for being “Slowtwitch Forum Jackass of the Year?” Uhh. . .ask not what your forum can do for you, ask what you can do for your forum: This is about taking yourself a bit less seriously. . .Therefore:

The Slowtwitch Forum Member who, by virtue of having the most “Daily Jackass” awards, MUST submit a photo on a SEPARATE SLOWTITCH FORUM thread, of the member dressed in their triathlon racing attire, CONSPICUOUS donkey ears and tail attached, standing in a NON-TRIATHLON related public place, with at least 100 NON-TRIATHLON related people in attendance, and holding a minimum 30 x 24 sign with minimum 3 inch BLOCK lettering saying “I AM A JACKASS”. Member must be fully exposed in this position (no trenchcoat flashing allowed), for a minimum of 10 minutes, confirmed by a second party from their local tri-club/team, cycling club/team, or LBS/Tri-Shop employee.

So with all that said…

2

holy sh#t! you may be a jackass but you deserve recognition for reaching stratospheric heights in the pantheon of those who use slowtwitch as a means of procrastination and/or avoiding work/reality. you probably spent more time designing the st jackass awards system than the IGC has spent drafting a new iraqi constitution! feel free to consider this post as a self-nomination, although i like to think of myself as more of a dumbass than a jackass.

3

OK This is Cerveloguy and Francois . We are using Denewone’s computer to nominate ourselves ; )

4

And I thought when you mentioned you were overtrainiing I thought you meant biking swimming or runnning, not potty training. Keep working at it you’ll catch on soon.

5

Keep working at it you’ll catch on soon.

hee hee…can’t stop chuckling over here
.

6

Excellent post (although I think a weekly time frame might be better). However, please rephrase this “part”:

Member must be fully exposed in this position (no trenchcoat flashing allowed), for a minimum of 10 minutes

That’ll get you jail time in most areas of the US.

7

If a eunuch flashes…is that illegal? If so…why? He didnt show anything…

8

Excellent point. Some folks, although having superior jackass abilities, do not have the time to commit to full time jackassery that some of us have.

All in favor of making this a “Slowtwitch Forum Weekly Jackass”, nominated and voted on a weekly, vice 24 hour period, vote aye.

10 votes in favor will put the motion into the bylaws. . .

(Yes, I’m playing fast and loose with Roberts rules of order and standard procedures. . .In truth, I didn’t consult them, since that would imply that this is serious business. . .hey, this is all in good fun. . .If you are serious. . .keep on truckin. . .there’s nothing for you to see here.)

and although you bring up a good point, I leave it to the Jackass in question to determine the propriety of their public display of jackassery. To do otherwise would amount to “filing off the lawyer tabs” or “removing the required reflectors”. Hell, jail time would only confirm the opinion of the Forum that this member is, indeed, the biggest Jackass of us all.

9

I could be on the jury since I was the first to tell you to take a chillpill yesterday :slight_smile:

And how about today’s stage of the Giro? WOW, must have been spectacular and here I was working instead of at home watching it live on Eurosport… do I have my priorities wrong, man!

10

This is a fantastic idea. I’m all for the Weekly Jackass rather than daily. The shame need last longer than 24 hours, and besides, that’s a ton of voting.

11

I think it would be good for our collective soul to see people pitting themselves against each other over a weeks worth of posting. It’s inevitable you are going to be pointing out a higlight within the week. No amount of ‘nice’ posting can make up for the a big old transgression. Like the nominations rules so rightly say

“No retractions allowed, even if you edit the offending posts. If you’re going to be a jackass. . .BE a jackass. You can’t undo jackassery. You can’t cover it up. You can’t buy jackassery. You can’t bribe it away. Those actions only compound the jackassery.”

What day of the week would nominations be invited? The photos of the eventual winner would be something too - nothing short of genius.

Nick

12

I would recommend having the nom period run Sunday at 6:00 PM to Saturday at 11:59 (again, ALL PST). Voting would commence Sunday at 12:00 AM (0000 for those military time folks). and end at 5:59 PM Sunday. That’s 18 hours of voting, and nom moratorium (though certainly actions that would be nom worthy during that period could be nominated immediately). Voting would be tallied and everyone could see the results Sunday evening. . . Noms would be on a continuous basis throughout the week. . .

by my tally, that’s 2 votes so far, to make it a “Weekly” vice “Daily” award. . .

14

I think Sunday voting may not be the best because most people don’t work on Sunday’s, therefore they do not visit the site. It would be interesting to see the statistics of when people post or visit this forum. there is definitely more traffic during the week.

15

I agree - do it during the week. Like Matt says it has a Friday feeling to it. Get the nominations in early, vote all day, and you’ll have the weekend to savour the feelings of uberjackassery.

Nick

16

I vote weekly. Competition period from monday (6 am PCT) to Sunday midnight (PCT). Nominations any time during that period. Voting from after midnight Sunday (i.e. Monday) until noon Monday (PCT). Winner to be announced by 5 pm (PCT).

17

excellent idea - I vote weekly.

mp

18

I like weekly voting. Great idea, TriBri, and while you probably have to be the first Jackass winner, being the creator and all, this concept pretty much is anti-Jackass. Which leads me to my only qualm about the Jackass Award… occasionally there will be a big Jackass that he/she will not recognize the achievement, and thus will not self-nominate (the Ultimate Jackass). Of course I’m sure there will be plenty of others who will help the nomination process along…

19

Brings up a good point. Is there some other viable means for nomination other than self-nomination? Obviously we’d want to avoid nomination flame wars, so perhaps some sort of weeding out process could be involved. Self-nominations are always welcome, but to nominate another poster, the nom could be submitted to a “panel of elders” who would give the yay or nay to the nomination before it gets on the ballot. Such a panel would be made up of respected posters with varying viewpoints on anything from frankenbikes, to clinchers, to Iraq.

I know it’s all in good fun, but come on… self nomination???

20

If a eunuch flashes…is that illegal? If so…why? He didnt show anything… I hope that wasn’t the outcome of your freezing issue!!

21

Bumping it up, just to er, you know, keep things current…