My boss overheard me in the hall a minute ago talking to a runner about “leg shaving.” I was arguing that runners had no business shaving their legs until they could run a sub 20 minute, 5k, that that ought to be the standard announced in Runners World, just to clear up any confusion about it.
Then, my boss pokes his head out and says, “I’ve run several of these 5k races you are talking about under 20, in 19 minutes, or so, in my early forties, and never had to shave my legs,” he said, and continued, “just by getting ready for them using an occasional tread mill workout in the morning.”
Poppycock, I said, but sure as hell, I go look up the results, and he was right.
And, here, I had stepped on a nerve, a bit. He believes leg shaved men are secretly effeminant and should be crushed. He’s a former, highly competitive football quarterback, and an “equipment and training minimalist.” He once came into my office, and, on my desk, picked up “Going Long,” and said, “this is your problem, you read too much.” He wanted to know why the “guy was wearing what looked like just underwear trying to ride that bike, on the cover.”
He has some better quips, “what happened in your race?,” he will ask me. And I will come back with some funny story, and he will say, “that’s your problem, you think its all funny, out there, the sooner you quit thinking its funny out there, the better off you will be.”
Anyway, the idea of a man, shaving any male hair is an affront to mankind, for him. Guys who shave their legs, to him, should be picked off and run down like dogs, even if it kills you to try to do so.
Just set him out in a race or a competitive environment, with his Wilson racquetball shoes, and nature takes hold, like a front running Kentucky race horse.
But he has a goal, if you can believe this is, which is to beat “the leg shaved guys,” and “all the women.” Time is unimportant to him. He wears no watch. For him, they could just as well say, “we aren’t recording times, we are just going to see how many of you guys beat the women runners and dudes wearing tight shorts, with shaved legs.”
That would be fine with him.
He just wants to mow down guys who shave their legs and women. Therefore, it is not unusual for him to have this kind of post race discussion: “I did pretty well, but several women passed me. I think four of them passed me. I counted four, maybe five.”
This is where I come back with, “Well, they pass me all the time. You need to get used to that. That doesn’t bother me.” And he comes back with, “this is your problem, that should bother you.”
Or, “I beat some guy in one of those tight uniforms, you and your bike buddies wear, Booth.” Or, “there was one guy wearing a loud keychain, I really wanted to beat him, and did.”
Here’s a final irony. His wife now runs marathons, and I was checking with her about his running times, describing his race psychology, and she said, “oh, yeah, that’s him, but I try to beat all the guys, though.”