My Aunt and my Mother-in-law are both 86. Earlier this year my Aunt was put in an assisted living because she can’t take care of herself and she was showing signs of dementia. Her situation has worsened to the point where she is going to have to be moved from assisted living to a dementia ward. Physically she is healthy, mentally not. She could easily live for another 5 - 10 years in a vegetative state. My cousins, her children, are paying for her care. I have visited my Aunt. She is in a “nice” facility. I am not sure what the monthly cost is but I am sure it is expensive.
My mother-in-law got to the point where she could not live by herself anymore. We moved her in with us. She is a very nice woman but has no short term memory. Due to years of smoking she has COPD. She uses a walker to get around but gets tired easily. She generally sleeps 15 hours a day. She too could easily live another 5 - 10 years with us. We have the room, but her care is a full time job. You can’t believe all the pills she takes on a daily basis, nor the cost. Medicare does not pay for a dentist visit. She just got a cap. Had to pay cash. She could not afford it so she is on a payment plan. If she wasn’t living with us she could not have afforded the dentist.
Fortunately for us my wife’s degree is in Gerontology. She navigates the medical maze for her mom daily but she still has two children to care for too.
All of us in the forum will eventually have to deal with parents, siblings, spouses, friends that will experience dementia, assisted living or end of life issues. I’ve made it clear to my family that I would rather be put on an ice floe and sent out to sea rather than live like the examples above. Anyone else have experience with taking care of the elderly? It’s an experience there is no training for.
Anyone else have experience with taking care of the elderly? It’s an experience there is no training for.
My mother has her masters in gerontology. A while back she took care of her brother as he died from cancer. She has since stated in no uncertain terms that if/when the time comes for her she will not go thru all that, period. She will seek out someone and or someway to go out gracefully.
Cold and calloused as it sounds I personally don’t believe we are meant to live under those conditions. I’m pretty much certain I would not want to.
For that reason alone I think we need to have a much deeper discussion surrounding assisted suicide and how that plays a role in EOL care. We are fast approaching the point where our ability to keep a body alive outstrips our ability to pay for it, on many levels we are way past that. Furthermore we have not figured out a way to keep the mind alive and the quality of life reasonable during the same period and I think we are quite a ways away from being able to do that.
I don’t think most people want to “Live” in a comatose state for 4-5 years and then die.
My mom and dad are both 86 and my mom is suffering from mid stage alzheimer’s. So far my dad is looking after her at home and they are coping well but my brother and I are waiting on the sidelines for when/if she deteriates more and/or dad can’t cope.
I just lost a 90 yr old uncle two weeks ago. He was in a old age home for two years and almost a vegetable in the end. My cousins have handled his passing quite well, even as a final blessing in some ways. One of them even commented that she lost her dad two years ago when he first went into the home because he was not the same man at that point.
You can be lucky in life in lucky in death. I hope to live a long life but die suddenly when its time. The thought of suffering or becoming a vegetable is scarey.
Grandparents are 92. Grandmother has dementia. My mom comes from a family of 9. My grandparents wanted to live at home, and they’re fortunate enough financially that they can do that. They have a nurse during the day and the 5 kids that live nearby rotate evenings/helping them get to bed.
It makes me realize what an amazing mom I have: she works full time, is taking a class, has a teenager at home (I’m in grad school, I have another brother who just graduated and is a professional rock climber, and then there’s the HS’er), and manages her schedule to be at my grandparents 1-2 nights a week. She’s my role model.
I’ve made it clear to my family that I would rather be put on an ice floe and sent out to sea rather than live like the examples above. .
I’m planning on doing myself in. No kids, I’m going to enjoy life then one day and then stick the steel in my mouth. Something I’ve been preparing myself for decades. Our bodies and brains weren’t meant to live as long as we do.