One week and counting. And the lucky ones who will be lining the roads of France over the next few weeks shouldn’t be the only ones who get to have fun. That’s why it’s time to roll out the 2004 Tour de France drinking game for those of us who are resigned to follow the battle for the Malliot Jaune on OLN. So, it doesn’t matter what your poison, raise a glass if… Phil describes the race as “hotting up” the race leaders as the “heads of state” or calls tar “bitumen.” Or he announces that a particular rider has a stage all locked up only for the rider to lose it at the line. Paul uses one of those wonderfully oxymoronic phrases like “absolute purgatory” or “total nothingness” Bob pronounces “de France” like “gay pants” Or over-gesticulates on camera.
Maybe drinking is the wrong game for the crowd around here. How about the TDF sprinting game. Ride along on a trainer or rollers in zones 1 and 2. Apply your rules for Phil, Paul, and Bob. . .but instead of drinking. . .do a 15 second out of the saddle sprint.
The non-Slowtwitch crowd would never know what hit them come late July and August when we hit the roads again!
Take a drink when Phil, reminisces about meeting obscure rider X, in weird location Y, after he won a stage in unheard-of race Z.
i.e. “”…and there’s big Bobby Jones, I remember in 1993 when he won Stage 6 of the Tour of Tibet. It was 76 degrees and partly cloudy, and an elevation gain of 3000ft. I spoke with him in a casino later that night, and he’ll be the first to tell you that you don’t shot craps with Buddhists!"
Paul- “well, it looks like something is brewing out on the road…”
in the real game ou’re supposed to take a drink whenever phil say joseba beloki, but i guess that won’t apply this year. maybe we could change the rules to iban mayo.
The true TdF game is played so that you do a shot every time Phil completely screws up someone’s name - either a mispronunciation or calls a rider the wrong name - both happen all of the time.
-Everyone drinks (or spins) when Phil or Paul points out that a rider is “in difficulty” or a rider on a descent is going to “take risks.”
As for the mis-pronunciation rule, good thing Kevin Livingston isn’t in the Tour. I could never figure out why Phil insisted on calling him “Living Stone,” but I recall recently seeing that some UK government official is named Kevin Livingstone, so maybe he had the pedaler of bikes and the peddler of policy confused…
Well, I did say “choose your poison.” So you can drink Aquafina for that matter. On the mountain stages, anytime either the devil or the shirtless crazies with the lone star flag and football helmets chase Lance and the boys… drink. Anytime Lance is said to be “dancing on the pedals”, drink. If Phil refers to any tiny Columbian climbing specialist as an “angel of the mountain”, drink
This bit had me laughing out loud…
“”…and there’s big Bobby Jones, I remember in 1993 when he won Stage 6 of the Tour of Tibet. It was 76 degrees and partly cloudy, and an elevation gain of 3000ft. I spoke with him in a casino later that night, and he’ll be the first to tell you that you don’t shot craps with Buddhists!"