Talking to your kids about Sex

The Coffee Shop
1

Once you’ve had the mandatory sex ed talk with your kids explaining the basics of procreation, have you had further talks?

We’ve never talked to our kids about how great sex can be, because we don’t want them having it, even though we know they will.

We’ve talked about rape and that No means No.

We’ve talked about disease and protection but never about what to expect when you have sex.

Never talked about positions, or oral sex either.

I can’t believe that I am alone here. But I think this needs to be addressed. So have any of you had this kind of talk with your kids? I’ve got two girls and it sounds chickenshit but I think my wife needs to talk to them only to lessen their embarrassment.

2

"Never talked about positions, or oral sex either. "

Isn’t that was online porn is for? Joking of course. But no we haven’t made it this far down the “sex talk” list either. Not sure how to broach this part of the topic, my kids are 15 and 16, neither is sexually active yet…thankfully.

3

I only answer matter-of-factly what is asked. Without hesitation. I really doubt my daughter will ever ask me what the best positions are, but I would tell her it depends on the individual.

4

I’m not a parent yet, but have thought about the future, and reflected on when I was younger.

When I was younger, my parents sat my sister and I down with an anatomy book that was actually pretty good. It had transparent layers with all of the human body systems, and overlaid it was the entire body, then you could flip pages and take of the respiratory system, or the circulatory system, and of course the reproductive systems.
We pretty much flipped though, talked about all of the systems, and then that was that. It was a pretty good way of covering the scientific basics of it, but as I got older I did realize that never was there a talk about any of the emotional, psychological, or peer-pressure related aspects.

Luckily my sister and I both had morally sound friends and acquaintances, and read the news and good books, so consent has always been a, “Well duh,” thing to me.

Looking into the future though, when it’s my turn to do the teaching, I’m torn.

My wife and I lead a middle school small group at church, and hearing and seeing what even fifth graders are exposed to on a daily basis, the sex talk almost has to happen frighteningly early, unless you want your children’s formative ideas of sex to be based on the thoughts, bragging, and media influences of their peers. Do I want to give an early elementary school aged child the sex talk? Not entirely, but I’d almost certainly rather do that than for my child to be hearing what I’ve genuinely heard in a first grade classroom over the past few years (as a class volunteer).

As far as the topics you mentioned, I’ll definitely approach, in this order, the mechanics of sex from a scientific perspective, as well as consent. It is never to early to learn consent. As they grow older, I’ll reinforce consent, and then have a talk about how people don’t talk about the emotional side that comes with it.

I also don’t know, and would pose the question to any parents here-

I don’t want to give my children the, “Go for it! Get all the girls in school!” mentality, nor do I want to shame them and make them feel like the most terrible person in the world when they were to choose to. So how would you go about discussing protection and resources?

What a tricky world we live in at times…

To be fair I also overthink everything…

5

Nothing is off the table in the Duffy household and all aspects of sex have been, and will continue to be, discussed in the most open and honest way possible.

This has included things such as what women generally like and don’t like, consent, hygiene, and yes, oral sex.

Another option is to just let kids get all their info from watching German scat porn online.

6

I assume most guys over the age of 40 received their first position lessons through a well worn magazine in a treehouse somewhere or from a grainy oft-duplicated 70’s porn.

7

I assume most guys over the age of 40 received their first position lessons through a well worn magazine in a treehouse somewhere or from a grainy oft-duplicated 70’s porn.

Bingo. And as easy as it would be to sit my kids down in front of some porn I want the Mrs. and I to play the part of responsible adults and do this right.

8

I assume most guys over the age of 40 received their first position lessons through a well worn magazine in a treehouse somewhere or from a grainy oft-duplicated 70’s porn.

Bingo. And as easy as it would be to sit my kids down in front of some porn I want the Mrs. and I to play the part of responsible adults and do this right.

So it kind of reads, your going to perform in front of your kids?

I had girls, always thought the wife took care of it. But since I was the one that basically got all 3 on the pill do to bad cramps (my wife, oh yeah I had the same issue as a kid, thats when I went on the pill… well uhm maybe you should have said something sooner) So I pretty much think now they got nothing.

But since one will be a senior in H.S. and the other 2 are off in college with a 6yr running boyfriend and a 2yr running boyfriend, maybe they can teach dad something. LOL

9

I assume most guys over the age of 40 received their first position lessons through a well worn magazine in a treehouse somewhere or from a grainy oft-duplicated 70’s porn.

Bingo. And as easy as it would be to sit my kids down in front of some porn I want the Mrs. and I to play the part of responsible adults and do this right.

So it kind of reads, your going to perform in front of your kids?

I had girls, always thought the wife took care of it. But since I was the one that basically got all 3 on the pill do to bad cramps (my wife, oh yeah I had the same issue as a kid, thats when I went on the pill… well uhm maybe you should have said something sooner) So I pretty much think now they got nothing.

But since one will be a senior in H.S. and the other 2 are off in college with a 6yr running boyfriend and a 2yr running boyfriend, maybe they can teach dad something. LOL

Here’s to hoping this is the most jacked up LR post I read all day.

10

I couldn’t do it. We talked with our girls openly about sex, rape, behavior, birth control, etc, but never discussed actually enjoying sex. Not saying I was right but there was no friggin way I was having that conversation with two teenage girls. Some things they’ll have to sort out on their own.

I will say, as another point in this thread, that the easy access to online porn is not healthy for teenagers. Boys get the wrong ideas and the expectations placed on girls is unreasonable. (and vice versa). And, there is no reasonable way to prevent the access. Porn (other than Playboy mags) didn’t get to me until I was almost out of high school. Now middle-schoolers and even grade schoolers are accessing it constantly.

As another aside, I have endless examples of parents with boys (usually the Moms) telling me just how wonderful little Jimmy is at home and he’s such a good soul. Then, little Jimmy and his buddies spend their unsupervised time at my house, where all the girls are gathered, and act like fucking asswipes. Consistently. I wish these Moms could see their little Jimmy’s in the real world so maybe they’d teach them some basic respect for girls. I’ve had my moments with their little Jimmy’s, but if they’d stop pretending their little boy is a perfect human, my life would be much easier. The Moms don’t say the same about their daughters, just their little boys. Drives me nuts.

11

I just showed the kids episodes from Game of Thrones.

12

I assume most guys over the age of 40 received their first position lessons through a well worn magazine in a treehouse somewhere or from a grainy oft-duplicated 70’s porn.

Bingo. And as easy as it would be to sit my kids down in front of some porn I want the Mrs. and I to play the part of responsible adults and do this right.

**So it kind of reads, your going to perform in front of your kids? **

I had girls, always thought the wife took care of it. But since I was the one that basically got all 3 on the pill do to bad cramps (my wife, oh yeah I had the same issue as a kid, thats when I went on the pill… well uhm maybe you should have said something sooner) So I pretty much think now they got nothing.

But since one will be a senior in H.S. and the other 2 are off in college with a 6yr running boyfriend and a 2yr running boyfriend, maybe they can teach dad something. LOL

You mean like sex ed class in Monty Python…?

https://i.imgur.com/MgKnIuS.gif?noredirect

http://www.rockymusic.org/img/videopreviews/MeaningOfLife-SexEducation.jpg

https://www.bexleytimes.co.uk/polopoly_fs/1.607272.1282736526!/image/2765887246.jpg_gen/derivatives/landscape_630/2765887246.jpg

13

I just showed the kids episodes from Game of Thrones.

Hopefully not a Jamie and Cersai scene!

14

I just showed the kids episodes from Game of Thrones.

Hopefully not a Jamie and Cersai scene!

That was my first mistake.

15

I couldn’t do it. We talked with our girls openly about sex, rape, behavior, birth control, etc, but never discussed actually enjoying sex. Not saying I was right but there was no friggin way I was having that conversation with two teenage girls. Some things they’ll have to sort out on their own.

I will say, as another point in this thread, that the easy access to online porn is not healthy for teenagers. Boys get the wrong ideas and the expectations placed on girls is unreasonable. (and vice versa). And, there is no reasonable way to prevent the access. Porn (other than Playboy mags) didn’t get to me until I was almost out of high school. Now middle-schoolers and even grade schoolers are accessing it constantly.

As another aside, I have endless examples of parents with boys (usually the Moms) telling me just how wonderful little Jimmy is at home and he’s such a good soul. Then, little Jimmy and his buddies spend their unsupervised time at my house, where all the girls are gathered, and act like fucking asswipes. Consistently. I wish these Moms could see their little Jimmy’s in the real world so maybe they’d teach them some basic respect for girls. I’ve had my moments with their little Jimmy’s, but if they’d stop pretending their little boy is a perfect human, my life would be much easier. The Moms don’t say the same about their daughters, just their little boys. Drives me nuts.

I have discussed this with my daughter without getting into what is best and who likes what discussions. I have pointed out, sex is not evil, sex can be fun and sex is a very important component when dating and considering a future partner. The last thing you want is to be with someone who does not mesh with you sexually for a long time and marriage is a huge commitment and should not be taken lightly or have the ability to get out of easily. It was awkward at first but now it’s a pretty easy discussion. Normally though, my wife talks about most of this stuff with her.

16

Oh sh*t, seriously, how did you know? That treehouse was pretty well hidden.

17

Oh sh*t, seriously, how did you know? That treehouse was pretty well hidden.

I grew up in a small college town. Around age 11 or 12, one of the kids who was more clever than I figured out that when the frat boys left for the summer they threw all their magazines in the trash. Pretty soon we were all rifling trash cans at night, much to the bewilderment of the raccoons!

18

I was in D’Kid’s room one day delivering her laundry and I spotted a condom on the floor

I tactfully asked her about it

“Sorry, Dad. But if it makes you feel better, I *never *want to see another one of those ever again”

19

Don’t recall there ever being a talk about enjoyment but I do recall as I was preparing to leave for my first semester of college my step-mom took me to the local college where there was a “sex and disease prevention” seminar going on. Nothing scared me as an 18 year old more than seeing huge blown-up photos of crystalized herpes warts on wangs and vagges on a 60’ screen in an auditorium.

20

I have to do a human reproduction unit, including anatomy and child births, in high school biology. The number of innocent/ awkward/ curiosity questions I get from students is often overwhelming. It’s clear that we don’t want to check their search history. I do my best to answer the questions from a science perspective and to maintain a mature environment. They really want to be educated in this area and are quite adamant that they don’t want to talk to their parents. Most parents don’t want their teenagers interested in sex and most kids don’t want to think about their parents having sex. It’s an odd society we’ve developed.