There has been a ton of gloom and doom in here on marriage and relationships in here recently. Between Tom Demerly’s soliloquies on relationship woes and relationships not being worth it and the “Divorce and Triathletes” thread…
Hopefully there are some opposite stories that can balance it out.
So does anyone have any stories of success?
Let’s start with you, do you have one to tell?
The coolest married people I know are Francois and his wife. They’re really sweet together, almost makes me believe in marriage… ALMOST… :-p
My husband and I do all our triathlon/marathon training together. We recently trained for and completed our first Ironman and we are anxious to sign up for another because although the training is time consuming we were able to spend quality time together doing something we both love.
There are, Brian. I took up the sport four years ago. Last year my wife did her first, the Reebok Women’s Tri in San Diego. She’s hooked and has done four so far. The next one, in about three weeks, we’ll bring the kids along, too, and make a day out of it as it’s in a beautiful park with a lake and all.
She has a better understanding why I put so much training in. Hopefully she’ll understand enough when I start my IMFL training! But, at this point, the Tri experience has put new spark in our relationship of 13 years.
Actually I do…getting married in October. She doesn’t do tris but runs halfs and full marathons and works out. I’m not into tris as much and do adventure races. She runs as my support crew and loves doing it…During her races and long training runs I either run or ride beside her…carry her gu and water, take her to her races and drop her off at the start line and pick her up afterwards.
We’re each other’s biggest fans.
My husband and I have what I would call a successful triathlete marriage. We just celebrated our first anniversary on Sunday, but have been together for 5 years. He has done 4 Ironmans, and will be doing another this fall. I’m also pretty into my training and racing, but I think we have a great balance and enjoy doing a lot of other things. We also communicate very well - but that needs to take place in any marriage, not just one where triathlon is involved. We are able to train quite a bit together, whether it be by ourselves or with groups, and we help each other out when we know there is a goal one of us is going after. We also are able to talk some sense into one another when we lose perspective. I think a lot of it just comes down to realizing that this it is just a hobby, and to make sure that it is fun.
i suspect there are a bunch out there. But, these stories aren’t nearly as entertaining/sordid. who wants to read about a bunch of boring happy married people. Not me. And I’m happily married. I’d much rather hear about the trainwrecks and plane crashes.
Anyway, here’s my story: My wife, Jamie, a beautiful and brilliant research veterinarian, totally supports my tri habit. Although the money I spend sometimes annoys her (we’ve recently agreed that equity is crucial … so for every dollar I spend, she also ‘gets’ a dollar to spend; and vice versa).
Jamie, accompanied by our 3 dogs (Nixon, Missy and Seamus), cheers for me at almost every event (I hesitate to call them races). She can’t make my tri this weekend, and I’m bummed. And she’s disappointed.
We’ve been married almost 5 years (our anniversary is June 2 … I need to come up with A Plan). Together for 10.
Recently, she started running and exercising again, after a 1 year hiatus. I run with her whenever she runs, at her pace (which is very slow for me). So, my run ‘performance’ is suffering. But it’s no sacrifice.
She bought me my bike, an Eddy Merckx Team Sc, for my 30th birthday. I would have never bought such an extravagant bike for myself. She knows this. So she got it for me. Because I wanted it.
I recently got her a necklace from Tiffany. Because she liked how it sparkled. She would have never bought it for herself. That’s why I got it for her.
I can’t imagine my life without her. She makes me a better person. Whenever I read Tom D’s posts about his take on relationships, I’m briefly sad for him.
See, my story is boring. I’d be surprised if you made it to the end.
she hasn’t left me yet.
Boring…no…uplifting…yes.
I’m no relationship expert but I see a recurring theme in successful relationships. Whether a hobby is shared or individualistic…be it triathlons, fitness, bocce balls, etc…the other is passionate about that person being able to continue that hobby and supportive of it. Communicating the fact that this is important to the other is only important but crucial in preventing the other from being alienated and pushed to the side for a hobby.
My wife of 24 years, AKA “1st Tri in 05”, is a budding AG’r at age 44. She got her butt kicked by the WF course this year (bike crash, bee sting in the boob and cramps in the run) but has vowed to concur it next year. SHe already wants a new bike. Based upon her inspiring performance, our “Team Celebrex” has already recruited a new member. She is my training partner, my love and my buddy.
Ah yes, the dollar-for-dollar thing… A good plan. ANother way to do it is to each have a separate “account” that gets money deposited on each paycheck, in equal amounts, and you’re each free to spend that $$ as you wish, no questions asked.
Happy anniversary to you and Marty.
That’s what we’ll do. Separate accounts plus a joint.
Mine works great. I am the avid triathlete and my husband the supporter. I usually train while he is doing some house/garden project which is his hobby. He comes to most of my races and cheers for me. I try to do things like make sure we go out to eat somewhere cool if we travel to a race or make sure that he gets some of my post race meal, like if the post race pizza is only for competitors he usually gets mine. He brings his mountain bike to the tri’s and rides around and cheers for me at different points on the course. Everyone in our tri club loves seeing him out on the course. One year he got a jock strap as a end of the year club gift for being the “biggest supporter”. In return I try to be involved in his projects at home and in the garden. I would never put in a kitchen floor on my own but we had a fun time doing it together.
My take is that if you have different hobbies (or obsessions) be involved with what the other person is doing and really enjoy it instead of having it be a chore.
You believe in marriage SAC! As long as a girl is married, she can’t hunt you down and therefore, you like her!!
I’m very happily married. My wife does not do triathlons, but she has always been fairly active, first riding horses and now doing yoga. Scheduling is a lot more challenging than it was when I only ran marathons and we did not have a child, but remains more or less manageable as long as each of us knows what the other wants to do. In fact, we just sat down and planned out our family weekly schedule for the summer last weekend. I don’t spend a great deal of money on the sport, but also figure that my cycling is so lousy that I should spend time working on getting my biking legs before blowing a lot of money on a really fast bike and lots of aero things. Hopefully we will have a little more money if I ever get fast enough on the bike to justify spending more money on it, but, if not, there are a lot more important things to me than a faster bike.
31 years, June 29, she is a non-athlete, but enjoys the travel, bored by the events (not any tri’s yet), but loves meeting the people.
We like sharing the drive… she likes the results of the workouts and related increase in other physical activities, and just the positive attitude I get when I working out (also related to more sex).
Kids are almost completely out of the house but there is a lot of emotional support that goes all around with one in Falluja and two in college.
I consider myself luckier then I deserve. Another boring, happly married guy.
Jay
I have a fantastic marriage and a busy triathlon hobby. Here’s my secret:
(1) My wife loves it when I am in good shape. It is much better than the 225 lb slob I used to be. She is willing to cut me a little slack on training in exchange for my good health and fitness.
(2) I schedule 80% of my training for times that don’t affect the family. I am training by 5:00 am every morning except Sunday. On weekdays, I’m done by 7:00 am. I get the kids up, change diapers, get them dressed, cook breakfast, and take the older ones to school. She gets to sleep in till 8:00 or 9:00, which she LOVES. I train for 1.5 hours over lunch 2 days a week. My wife only works on Tuesdays, and she works till 8:30 pm. We have childcare that evening, so I ride until 8:30. The only time I really impact my family is Saturday mornings, but even then I’m back home by 10:30 or so.
(3) I have traded every other hobby in. I don’t golf. I don’t watch sports on TV. I don’t jack around on the computer at home. I also have almost no commute to speak of.
(4) When I am home, I focus on my family. I change diapers, I do dishes, I clean the house.
(5) I would jettison it, and anything else, if necessary to my marriage or my family, and my wife knows it.
(6) The only recurring complaint I get is during the 1-2 weeks leading up to my “A” races, when my wife says I am emotionally checked out (true).
“Married” is not something that you “are.” It’s something that you “do.” And you do it every day. It is a life pursuit. If you are not ready to make a radical, life-altering commitment, stay single. Triathlon is awesome, but it cannot be more important than the family if you want to stay married…
Relax2dmax and his wife seem great together. Jessie Stensland and I are also doing great…I just haven’t broken the news to her yet…
OK, I’ll relate. My wife and I have been married 16 years. She has never raced tri’s, running races, or any physical competitions. We do not like the same music, art, or movies. I have had a very restricted diet since we met, and she eats whatever she wants. I was an athlete in college when we met and worked out all the time, she smoked and partied all the time. Since our marriage, I took up running eventually progressing to marathons and then triathlons 9 years ago. I have competed in 3 IM’s and am training for IMMoo now. Just last year I splurged and bought a Litespeed. Many of the vacations we have taken have been to races (Vineman, Gulf Coast, Lake Placid, etc.).
Through all of this, she has been completely supportive. She watches my races, never complains about my training time, only occasionally mentions the ridiculous amount of money spent on “gadgets”, helps plan the vacations to races I have not yet done, and always plans meals around my “strange” diet. In return, I go antiqueing, I go to dog shows, I watch mindless action movies (her favorite), and I share the occasional bottle of wine with her. But there is no one in the world I would rather be with, not even my bike! 