Strange denizens of air travel

[Trieatalot]

I was flying from SFO to Munich for work. Fortunately I was working for a company that let us travel in business class on international flights. I was sitting behind an English speaking lady in the aisle seat and a non-English speaking gentleman in the window seat. They were not traveling together.

It became apparent after we took off that the gentleman was going to do his best to maximize his business class seat investment. He was quite enamored with the little bag of comfort items that are given out (cheap pair of socks, toothbrush, paste, ear plugs). I saw him snag the bag from his seatmate when she got up to go to bathroom. I don’t think she ever noticed. Before the flight even took off, he downed 2 glasses of champagne and 2 glasses of orange juice and gestured for another round.

When it was time for dinner, he grabbed three of those little cups of nuts and the FA had to ask him to take only one until everyone had been served. Since I do not believe he spoke English, I think he was Chinese or Taiwanese, the FA was not able to convince him, so she gave up. I got my nuts, so I did not really care and this was becoming entertaining. Next, he kept reaching over his seatmate with his empty wine glass anytime the FA approached his row. I lost track of how many refills he had.

After dinner when everyone was getting ready to get some shut-eye, the lady in front of me hit the FA call button. The FA came over and they had a hushed conversation. I could see her seatmate was very interested in what was being said. A few minutes later, the FA returned and gave the lady a small package. The lady got up and went back to the bathroom.

The gentleman hit the FA call button and was quite excited. Since there was a language barrier, a lot of hand gestures and pointing ensued. The FA was really struggling to understand what he wanted. Think charades at 30,000 feet. Finally, the lady came back to her seat. More charades commenced with the lady in the middle of it. I think the FA finally was able to understand the gentleman also wanted whatever the package was that she had given to the lady. The FA kept shaking her head and I could hear her that he really didn’t want it, but he was very insistent. He seemed to feel whatever another business class passenger got, he should also.

The FA left and came back with a similar package. The gentleman grabbed it and tore it open. My year was made when I saw him pull out a feminine napkin. He turned it over in his hands and seemed to be somewhat bewildered. He looked over at the lady who simply shrugged. He finally smiled and removed the sticky tape strip and wait for it… placed it over his eyes like a sleep mask.

The entire section got to enjoy the sight of this gentleman sleeping with a maxi-pad taped to his face.

[renorider]

The FA left and came back with a similar package. The gentleman grabbed it and tore it open. My year was made when I saw him pull out a feminine napkin. He turned it over in his hands and seemed to be somewhat bewildered. He looked over at the lady who simply shrugged. He finally smiled and removed the sticky tape strip and wait for it… placed it over his eyes like a sleep mask.

The entire section got to enjoy the sight of this gentleman sleeping with a maxi-pad taped to his face.

That’s gold!

[Brian_in_MA]

You win the thread. That is awesome!

[travelmama]

I travel a lot for leisure and have experienced and seen a lot of what has already been posted. Many years ago I was sitting midway in economy and there was a group of smelly Hasidic Jewish men sitting in the back. We were traveling from JFK to Brusselsand the entire time they were loudly going at it as if they were all alone. Flight attendants could not quiet them down so I got up and told them to shut the fuck up, which they did. Same scenario while traveling from Basel to Bodrum, only the group were drunkards.
Three weeks ago on a flight from France to Madagascar, the guy sitting next to me quickly scarfed down everything one his tray but the tray itself. I gave him my food and it too, was gone in a flash. Same happened on the return with a different dude. I understand flying can be stressful for many but airplane food is great enough to take off the edge.

[globetrotterjon]

Surprised there aren’t more entries to this thread. Having traveled hundreds of thousands of miles for work over the past 30 years, I have a few memorable moments…but I’ll give you two in which I got to play a role - perhaps I was the strange denizen?

1999, flying from Washington to Baku on Lufthansa, we had just settled into the dinner service when the dreaded “Is there a doctor on board?” announcement is made. I see a young blonde woman a few rows ahead of me raise her hand and make her way to the back of the plane with a flight attendant. A few minutes later, a follow up call comes “Is there anyone on board who speaks Russian?” As a Russian speaker, I raise my hand and am escorted back to the crew area where there’s an older Azerbaijani woman lying back on a bed in the crew rest area (pretty nice actually). The German doctor has me ask a few questions in Russian and I translate the responses in English. Long story short, the woman was suffering from a really bad case of heartburn and indigestion. I go back to my seat…of course my meal is long gone and there’s no replacement in the offing. The flight crew took my address - I’m thinking I’m going to get a nice flight voucher or upgrade coupon. Apparently, the value of my assistance was four nice apples from Harry and David. I hope the doctor did better!

2000, flying from Ashagabt, Turkmenistan, we depart at the usual 0330 takeoff time on Lufthansa again. This time I’m flying out with a small number of US Marines who had come out to survey the Embassy for a security guard detachment. All of us had eaten in one of the few decent restaurants before the flight. One of the younger enlisted men had made an interesting selection at a restaurant in a former Soviet landlocked desert country - lobster. A few hours into the flight, he came to rue that decision, having spiked a high fever and puked his guts out in the lav. Again, a doctor is called and again it’s.a young, attractive German doctor (maybe this is their version of the air Marshalls?). She pulls out the impressive Lufthansa med kit and, assessing the young man’s condition - high fever, inability to hold anything in his stomach, quickly concludes the answer is an acetomenophin suppository. I will never forget the look of utter humor on the commanding seargant’s face as he’s trying to explain to the young Marine that what he’s holding in his hand is not, in fact, a “big ass Tylenol” but that he’s going to have to shove this where the sun don’t shine. The look of utter horror on the young Marine’s face was probably only compounded by the fact he was looking at the best looking woman he had seen in the past month in Turkmenistan.

There’s about Frankfurt Airport - it’s the international aviation equivalent of a Greyhound terminal. I’ve seen some of the weirdest stuff there - even after they finally shut down the ubiquitous Dr. Mueller sex shops - what is it that somehow makes the urbane international traveler decide that the airport is THE place to pick up porn?

[Helltrack]

2 parter.

Arrive at ORD late, have a tight connection, but possible to make. Friendly stranger in front of me, already confirmed he missed his connection, was waived ahead by a couple elderly folks to deplane. He says, no go ahead. I loudly announce, some of us have connections to make. “Yeah, but it’s the nice thing to do”. I abhor Minnesota Nice. GTFOOW it reminded me of the portlandia bit of cars at an intersection.

I intentionally traveled light, underseat bag only. No gate checked, etc.

Get past the asshole, rush to make the connection. Pushback. Announcement from the captain, all 3 lavs are inop. We are on the poop plane, folks (my editorial).

Queue the Curb theme.

We’re now at 40 minutes, no movement. Need to get another gate designated.

I appreciate any Ts and Ps in this trying time.

[flock]

Flying back from Mexico I get seated next to this giant Mexican dude. 6’5”” 350 or so. He has on headphones so I can’t really hear what music is playing but he is singing along to Mexican music in this high pitched, tiny tim voice that no way matches his size.

I nudged him and motioned towards his headphones and he just smiled at me and kept on singing. This went on for 20-30 minutes and then he just stopped. Thank goodness.

[Dilbert]

This is going to be different.

Lt. from my ANG squadron. Turns out he’s got an FAA PPL also. Cool let’s split the cost on a clapped out old Cessna 172.

Left the tow bar on. Left the fuel caps off. I was the adult in the partnership and took care of it. We finally departed, me at the controls. I’m flying an unfamiliar to him route. He pulled out a paper chart. We all and I mean all use iPads and Foreflight. He hasn’t got one because he “hates Apple”. He took controls at some point. Still paper chart open. Flying with his knees like a soccer mom in a minivan with a latte in one hand and texting with the other. He’s not from the PNW but has lived and flown there a few years. He has no idea where we are. Our course is changing by 10-20 degrees and altitude by several hundred feet. Nothing dangerous, but sloppy flying is a deviation that might someday kill you.

Finally I gave him the landing and he absolutely craters us into the runway. C172 is a very forgiving plane so nothing broke but JFC if that was a different type we’d be filing out an accident report.