Makes no sense to me.
My wife and I decided to follow a “logical consequence” type of discipline
Within in this framework spanking makes no sense to my wife and I
My son hits his sister, it is logical for him to be seperated from her and the family for a time period, then he needs to sit down with his sister and appologize and work out what would have been a better course of action.
I would add more but I am on the phone
I agree. I was spanked. With a belt, wooden spoon, amd switch. I have never spanked either of my kids. Hitting kids seems barbaric to me and demonstrates a lack of imagination for punishments.
It worked on me. Note: there’s a HUGE difference between spanking and beating/ abusing.
It’s better than no discipline at all, which is what a lot of parents are opting for. Again, I’m not advocating for abuse. I’m advocating for some sort of attempt at control and consequence of children.
I was spanked by both parents. They used hands, belts, wooden spoons, switches and hot wheels tracks. One time my dad used a piece of water hose. It seems like parents must have shared ideas, as others here have mentioned the same thing.
I do remember a few of those spankings pretty well. I do have a great relationship with my parents because they showed love to us.
I spanked my kids occasionally when they were little, but used my hand. I hit them hard enough that it would sting a little. At some point I realized that there were more effective means to discipline them and stopped. Some of the reason I stopped was because I questioned why I should teach them not to hit, and then hit them myself.
My kids are well mannered, respectful and are a joy to be around. I think I may have been the same way when I was young. That leads me to think that you can have good kids with or without spankings, and you can have bad kids with or without spankings.
I think one key is whether the parent uses discipline to teach the child or uses it out of anger. If the child doesn’t respect the parent, neither method will be as effective.
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I was spanked, usually hand or belt, and deserved it. I spanked my kids, hand only, just a few times and always just a swat or two never anything approaching abuse but enough to get their attention.
I was spanked as a kid…hand, spoon, belt, switch, etc. I can’t say that it ever worked. It made me fear my dad much more than teaching me to not repeat the action, which is why i probably repeate the action often. To make matters worse, my mom was incapable of positive parenting so most of the time we were sent to our rooms to wait on dad to get home. Then he would spank us. Sometime hours after the indescretion.
I have never spanked my stepchildren and my son is too young. I can only recall 1-2 times in eight years with my wife where she spanked one of her kids. It was one of those blowup events. But she admits that she lost her cool.
While I don’t have any issue with anyone spanking (your family, your rules), i tend to think that most who spank do so because they can’t personally deal with the situation so it is an easy out. Its much easier to parent from a place of punishment and discipline than love and positive reinforcement. Thats the parents fault, not the child’s.
i tend to think that most who spank do so because they can’t personally deal with the situation so it is an easy out. Its much easier to parent from a place of punishment and discipline than love and positive reinforcement. Thats the parents fault, not the child’s.
Agree.
I was spanked as a kid, I don’t think I was harmed.
My wife is against spanking, so we don’t. I think it takes more work to discipline kids without the threat of physical pain, more patience, more time, but that a parent can effectively discipline without corporal punishment.
Thinking about it logically, if it’s not ok to do it to your wife, or a child from another family, why is it ok with your own kids?
It worked on me. Note: there’s a HUGE difference between spanking and beating/ abusing.
It’s better than no discipline at all, which is what a lot of parents are opting for. Again, I’m not advocating for abuse. I’m advocating for some sort of attempt at control and consequence of children.
Also was spanked, only by hand. I usually deserved it, thinking back I did some really unfair things to my parents at times. Wasn’t ever so much though and I’ll admit sometimes it hurt probably more than was intended but it got the message across.
Can’t really say it’s a direct consequence but I do think I was raised much better than many others just based on behavioral habits and such. My parents let me know what was wrong and what was right and spanking was just a last resort and for very stupid things like one time when I started to threaten them in an argument. Definitely wouldn’t classify it as abuse as it was more of a quality beats quantity approach
As for if I’ll do it to any of my potential kids I really can’t say. I wouldn’t want to but sometimes it may be called for.
I was spanked as a kid, hand only. Never really hurt that much. My wife and I spanked a little (open hand only, on clothes, not bare skin) when the kids were really young, but soon found out that there were other punishments more effective, so we just stopped doing it pretty early on. I don’t really have a problem with spanking, as I don’t see an open handed swat on the butt as child abuse, but for us it just wasn’t that effective.
Spot
It’s a nice thought for people to want to only use positive reinforcement, logical discussion, etc to teach their kids proper behavior. However, as we’ve discussed in various other threads, a child’s brain is not the same as an adult’s. Sometimes it’s just more effective to have immediate negative reinforcement that conditions the child to know that action X yields a consequence that he doesn’t like. You don’t sit down and try to logically reason with your dog when he craps on the carpet, and while I’m not saying a child is equal to a dog, I am saying that sometimes similar teaching methods apply.
That said, there’s a line between spanking as an immediate consequence for bad behavior, and waiting much longer to give the spanking, or spanking because you lose your temper, or spanking/beating to the point of abuse.
People who have the black and white view that any type of physical discipline is automatically abuse are just as wrong as those who think they can beat their kids as much as they like.
**Thinking about it logically, if it’s not ok to do it to your wife, or a child from another family, why is it ok with your own kids? **
I, umm, sometimes spank my wife.
Agree 100 %. I really don’t understand how people can’t handle giving a simple spanking to show children what is acceptable. No wonder why there are so many kids that are disrespectful.
better yet, I dont understand how a parent can handle putting up with kids like that. Idiot kids usually means idiot parents. Usually, there is always the exception.
It worked on me. Note: there’s a HUGE difference between spanking and beating/ abusing.
It’s better than no discipline at all, which is what a lot of parents are opting for. Again, I’m not advocating for abuse. I’m advocating for some sort of attempt at control and consequence of children.
It’s a nice thought for people to want to only use positive reinforcement, logical discussion, etc to teach their kids proper behavior. However, as we’ve discussed in various other threads, a child’s brain is not the same as an adult’s. Sometimes it’s just more effective to have immediate negative reinforcement that conditions the child to know that action X yields a consequence that he doesn’t like. You don’t sit down and try to logically reason with your dog when he craps on the carpet, and while I’m not saying a child is equal to a dog, I am saying that sometimes similar teaching methods apply.
That said, there’s a line between spanking as an immediate consequence for bad behavior, and waiting much longer to give the spanking, or spanking because you lose your temper, or spanking/beating to the point of abuse.
People who have the black and white view that any type of physical discipline is automatically abuse are just as wrong as those who think they can beat their kids as much as they like.
Then its also ok to spank a mentally disabled adult? No reason not to using this reasoning.
It’s a nice thought for people to want to only use positive reinforcement, logical discussion, etc to teach their kids proper behavior. However, as we’ve discussed in various other threads, a child’s brain is not the same as an adult’s. Sometimes it’s just more effective to have immediate negative reinforcement that conditions the child to know that action X yields a consequence that he doesn’t like. You don’t sit down and try to logically reason with your dog when he craps on the carpet, and while I’m not saying a child is equal to a dog, I am saying that sometimes similar teaching methods apply.
That said, there’s a line between spanking as an immediate consequence for bad behavior, and waiting much longer to give the spanking, or spanking because you lose your temper, or spanking/beating to the point of abuse.
People who have the black and white view that any type of physical discipline is automatically abuse are just as wrong as those who think they can beat their kids as much as they like.
Then its also ok to spank a mentally disabled adult? No reason not to using this reasoning.
So in your view, a mentally disabled adult who will never grow or mature in his mental capacity is the same as a child who surely will?
It’s a nice thought for people to want to only use positive reinforcement, logical discussion, etc to teach their kids proper behavior. However, as we’ve discussed in various other threads, a child’s brain is not the same as an adult’s. Sometimes it’s just more effective to have immediate negative reinforcement that conditions the child to know that action X yields a consequence that he doesn’t like. You don’t sit down and try to logically reason with your dog when he craps on the carpet, and while I’m not saying a child is equal to a dog, I am saying that sometimes similar teaching methods apply.
The point I agree on here is that a child’s brain is different than an adult’s brain. This is true only because it is in a very real developmental phase. Literally everything that happens has a very strong impact on how and what the child learns.
The science is very clear, the single most successful way to modify behavior (by a wide margin) is through positive reinforcement. It has to be done correctly, which is where that system breaks down. The second most effective way to modify behavior is through negative reinforcement. Finally the least effective way is through punishment. When you start combining these methods, for instance a combination of negative and positive reinforcement, you can increase the effectiveness tremendously of your behavior modification program.
Spanking is not “negative reinforcement”. Spanking is punishment. Negative reinforcement is applying a negative (annoying, painful, etc) stimulus until the behavior you want occurs and then you take away the negative stimulus. A good example of this is playing loud and annoying music to get people to act a certain way and then turning the music off.
Punishment is exactly what it is. A person, child, animal acts in a bad manner and you correct it through punishment (in this case spanking). Punishment may or may not be meaningful. From a brain standpoint, it simply connects the punishment to something…maybe.
Bernie
So who here got a whack in school? I did once in 5th grade with the dreaded paddle. That was also the last time I fucked around in school.
So in your view, a mentally disabled adult who will never grow or mature in his mental capacity is the same as a child who surely will?
Slowguy
Thats the reality. A 25 yo adult that has the same mental capacity as a 4 yo has rhe exact same ability to learn from a spanking as the child. That has nothing to do withwhat the child will be able to do 20 years in the future.
It made me fear my dad much more than teaching me to not repeat the action
When it boils down to it isn’t this the crux of the argument against spanking? What is the reason for “Discipline”? Is it to simply punish or to teach? If it is to simply punish, something I’m afraid our culture is highly steeped in, then I suppose spanking is just as good of a tool as just about anything. OTOH however if you believe, as I do, that discipline is meant to teach, and thus not really discipline at all, then spanking serves little to that end because the child is focused on the spanking, fear etc rather then on the actual act and figuring out why that act is wrong, what other things they could do rather then that act etc etc etc.
“Natural consequences” is a great teacher if it is readily available. There is nothing like “Connecting the dots” of “That behavior leads to this result” that makes sense. This works both for the positive and the negative. For me the parents job is to attempt to not only allow the natural consequences but create an age appropriate environment that “Serves” those natural consequences.
I also tend to believe that many parents that spank do so out of their own frustration rather then out of an attempt to teach discipline. I just don’t see the “I’m doing this for your own good” as much as I see “I freakin’ pissed and I’m taking it out on you.” While certainly this isn’t always the case…it sure as hell was when I was a kid 
Spanking is easy, quick and ends the situation immediately. Pretty much every other appraoch is more difficult and is for the most part constantly on going. It’s a much more difficult way to parent.
~Matt
Everyone has their own experiences either as a child, a parent, or both to relate to. Here’s mine…
As a child I was spanked as punishment. It didn’t teach me to stop bad behavior, just learn where the limit was with my dad before the spanking would start. I kept pushing it, and elevated to whipping with a belt, sometimes on bare bottom. That sucked and I stopped the bad behavior but guess what, it didn’t make me obey him. There was never positive reinforcement, or any lessons of what was right and wrong or why. So it continued to escalate as I got older. Then one day he shoved me down the stairs and followed me into my bedroom. He took one more shot at me but HS wrestling paid off oven though I was about 80 pounds lighter. He ended up in a headlock and hip checked on his ass. I had my fist cocked to pound his face, but then let him up and told him to get out and never touch me again. About a year later, after who knows what set him off, he whacked me in the back of the head when I wasn’t looking. I got up and said that was it. He thought I was going to kill him, but all I did was walk into my room and pack. I moved into a friends house for about 2 months until he came crawling and begging me to come home (likely at my mothers insistence).
Fast forward to parenthood. Neither my wife nor I will ever beat our kids as punishment. I have spanked them when they were toddlers however. It was to get their attention and have them stop the tantrum they were throwing to listen to us. Then the actual punishment was given which was usually the loss of something (toys, snacks, etc). Timeouts worked as well. If we were ever in public and they threw a tantrum, we immediately left wherever we were at and headed home. The car ride was usually dead silence.
So is spanking a child OK. In my world it is but is not the punishment itself. The adult needs to get control of the situation and then give a rational punishment that fits the misbehavior. If the adult cannot keep calm and rationalize, then a timeout is the best thing until everything calms down and can be handled. Otherwise, it just becomes what happened to me as a kid. On the extreme end, it turns into Adrian Petersen’s kid - or worse, the kid that was beaten to death at another man’s hand.
BTW I now have a decent relationship with my dad. Not as good as my little brother that watched this all happen and avoided the same beatings. But I don’t respect him as a parent, never did, never will.