I’m too close to what happened today to think clearly. My 10 yr old son was in a soccer game today. He has at times gotten frustrated when he almost scores and cries for a minute or two. He is a very emotional kid. The coach (he’s new) pulled him from the game when he saw him crying and told him to, “just go walk away, GO!” I saw this and started walking over there. My son tried to get back to the sideline where his team was and the coach yelled the same thing and chased him away again which made my son even more hysterical and frightened. I confronted the coach to ask him what he said to my son and he changed his story but the other kids told me what happened. I told him to never speak to my son like that again. He said to stay out of how he coaches. He didn’t even apologize to my son. I feel he over stepped his bounds as a coach. What do you think?
Someone’s has to make a man of the kid since Dad thinks crying is acceptable after minor setbacks.
Confused, How or when did you think he stepped over the line as a coach.
He may be a hard ass unfeeling coach, but seems like everything he did was within the bounds of a coach.
Of course it helps me think of kids not by age but grade. We are talking about a 5th grader, crying because he missed a kick. Something about that seems a bit off.
Pulling him out for crying was ok, borderline mean, but ok. Yelling at him the way he did and chasing him away was sooooo not ok; you need to talk again with him and demand an apology. If he doesn’t understand that that was wrong, he has no business being a coach of that team. Now, again, if you want support from the other parents, make them clear that your problem is what he did after he pulled him out, not the pulling him out of the game per se.
Discuss matters privately. Some coaches are tough which sounds like this guy and thats neither a bad or good thing. That is just his personality.
Confused, How or when did you think he stepped over the line as a coach.
He may be a hard ass unfeeling coach, but seems like everything he did was within the bounds of a coach.
Of course it helps me think of kids not by age but grade. We are talking about a 5th grader, crying because he missed a kick. Something about that seems a bit off.
He should’ve pulled him out and just let him be on the sidelines with the rest of the team; then, have a talk with the kid about how he shouldn’t cry for that, it is jus a game, he can do it, blahblahblah… all the “coach talk” he wants. But yelling and chasing away was not ok, was unprofessional.
Right, I’ve got no problem pulling him because he was crying. I’ve been working on that with him. It’s how he treated him after. I believe that yelling at a kid the way he did is the job of a parent. What if you all saw someone yell at your kid and scaring him/her further because he was out of control?
thanks
Oh, I forgot to mention that the coach was in a really bad mood too. He was inappropriate with the ref and the coach from the other team. We the parents were watching him over the game at times
I coach my kid’s toddler soccer team. I’m warming up to how to direct/mold but I would never yell. I pull ones that aren’t playing (or even crying) but would never tell at them. I would send to the side and then talk to privately or w a parent after the game about expectations and what not. Talk to him privately is what I would suggest.
With my kids always felt when the coach had my kids, they were his responsibility. As long as nothing illegal etc happened. it was within his bounds. Some parents yell at kids, some don’t different strokes for different folks. Some kids respond to that some don’t.
It’s your job as a parent to understand the coach and his style. If its not a good fit go elsewhere.
At one age, my kid would not have responded well to that treatment. Then she got to the point when down on herself, we all know what to expect. Pulled. sent to the far end of the bench. When she was back in control lets the coach know and if the coach agrees back in. Over time, she got more control, and rarely lets it bug her.
Point being its your job to protect your kid, its the coaches job to try and make the the best player they can be. If you think the coaches style of making them the best goes against your ways of protecting, then find a new coach.
The coach also may not have wanted the crying to take the focus away from the game for the other kids. I’d give him the benefit of the doubt and he may have been frustrated at the time and just reacted poorly. Also, if you confronted him in front of the other kids and during the game (or even right after it was over) without pulling the coach aside I’d say you also stepped over your bounds.
The thing is, if your son misses a kick and then cries but doesn’t rejoin the game he’s not helping out his team. Possibly not your coaching style but from your description I have to think I might do the same thing under those circumstances.
i spent a very frustrating year coaching my daughters 7-9 year old team. as a coach it was tough. i knew what they needed to do. getting them to do it was the hard part. i found myself yelling a lot, not mean yelling but constructive commands(wrong side of the field, use your left foot, pass it). one game we had someone start crying while on the field. she had gotten overwhelmed between were the ball was, she wanted to do and what we were telling her to do. the mother was mad that we were yelling. i think the father understood that it was the only way to get their attention to instruct them. even as she was crying coming off the field she was coming over to us, as we switched to kind voices to figure out what was wrong, so it’s not like she was scared of us. the last few games i tried to keep quiet and let them figure it out on their own. it was over a year ago and i still think about was i doing the right thing. everything that i said was helpful but i might not have been said in the right way.
If your son’s coach had said in a kind soothing voice “go away” would it have been better? i don’t think so. there was no coaching in his actions.
Oh, I forgot to mention that the coach was in a really bad mood too. He was inappropriate with the ref and the coach from the other team. We the parents were watching him over the game at times
I guess one of the other parents should step up then if you think he’s doing that bad of job.
My opinion is that what the coach did, was fine.
Tell you kid to suck it up for Christ sake. 10 and crying over something like that? Does your son have emotional issues? Maybe its your son that has the problem and not the coach. Not trying to be mean but that is just my thoughts.
Maybe your son crys about missed shots (inappropriate at his age IMHO) because you’re always getting involved in his affairs and dfnding him no matter what.
There could some background you aren’t aware of. Maybe the coach has discussed his crying with him and this was simply the last straw.
Also, if you confronted the coach in front of your son you just undermined the coaches authority and totally screwed the coach, your son and mayb the whole team.
I say this as someone who has coached kids’ soccer, currently teaches kids’ jiu jitsu (you want to some crying, you should watch kids do bjj). I’m also the father of a sensitive, compassionate and emotional (almost) 10yo.
I was like your son when I was growing up. I played baseball and I hated getting yelled at. I remember crying a few times after being yelled at from age 10-12. I was a good player but my mistakes always seem to get noticed by coaches. I took it personally. To this day I hate these men. My dad also used to yell at me at home which made me upset. Do you yell at your son? Sometimes an angry coach just reflects an angry father or something else negative in the boys life. It could also be from being bullied at school or having a dominant older sister or brother that makes them feel weak.
Is your son an extroverted talker or kind of shy? I was on the shy side. I’d never talk to my coaches and just sat on the bench hoping I’d get to play. I wasn’t the squeaky wheel kid that was always pestering the coaches to put me in a short stop or center. You know the cocky kids that are always beaking off at the refs or mixing it up with the other team? I’d say your son needs more of that attitude, but he has self-esteem issues. If he is good at soccer he needs to get better. Something in his life needs to make him feel better about himself. Perhaps you two need to spend some time together, or get closer to his coach. Right now your son probably sees his coach as just a mean angry man. Change the dynamic.
I’d like to hear the coach’s side of the story. Until then, I have to think you’ve overreacted to a pretty normal thing that happens in life.
It’s stories like this that continue my resolve never to coach kids under high school age. Poor coach having to deal with a game situation, crying kid on the field, crying kid on the sidelines, and the crying parents who didn’t like it. Such a thankless job to not get paid for (or, at best, paid very little for).
I’d like to hear the coach’s side of the story. Until then, I have to think you’ve overreacted to a pretty normal thing that happens in life.
Agreed. Could be we have an A-hole coach or overly sensitive kid and parent. Hard to tell without both sides of the story. My kids swim coach loses it now and then, my kid is ten…he deserves it ever time 
His coach is never belittling but will pull him out of the pool, sit him down and chew him a new one now and then.
Last week I went on a sleep over field trip with my kids school. ~20 boys in a single dorm room…I did my fair share of yelling and yes some of the kids were not used to it. But when you have 20 loud obnoxious little 10-11 yo monsters on occasion you have to cut one from the herd to contain control. I had to pull one kid out of his bunk and stick him in the “Counselors” room because he continued to try to make everyone else laugh. Once I did that they went to sleep. He also approached me and begged to go back to his bunk and promised to be quite.
I’m not much of a yeller, but “Harsh” actions ares sometimes needed when you’re dealing with a large group…especially of boys.
What I found completely odd was that we had probably 4-5 kids, 10-11 YO’s, that had only slept away from home a couple times. A few of these kids had a really hard time. One of them broke down in the middle of the night and wanted to go home but eventually made it thru. Don’t people do sleep overs anymore?
~Matt
Are you the mom or the dad?