Requiem for an Out of the Wilderness Moderate Conservative, Diddling Your Chakras, and Bailouts for Drug Dealers

Sitting it out these days, I have tried to reach for the “Please Make Some F@#king Sense of All This” button of the world plight that has landed in President Obama’s lap. I find myself, not buoyant like some giddy Slowtwitch bicycle seat sniffer, but confident that the oval office guy in shirt sleeves may be able to pull this one off. The Brother in Chief is intelligent and swings more and more towards the middle that my ignored instinct of giving him the ballot bubble may prove more perceptive (the instinct, not the ignoring thereof) than I knew at the time.

Shit, I don’t buy the rescue plan deficit spending on STDs and Pell grants as the panacea for our economic ills, but I think this is more of a reflection on the running of the House presently. BTW, they are equally matched by the leadership on the other side of the Capital, you know the mealy mouthed bespectacled Mormon out of Nevada. ( The charlatans who decried the light weight W are the same ones who back the likes of Reid, Pelosi, Frank, Boxer, and at the state level, Blago.) But you know, President Obama has me believing he’s got it goin on and will have less problems with Boehner and the other button, down accountant looking f#$kers, than he will the primary owners of the 9% Congressional approval rating. The guy stayed true to his campaign promise of closing GITMO, but at the same time realized he is now sitting at the adult table, and has the temerity to finesse the idea of “enhance interrogation techniques” and what to do with the really bad guys. I think he will determine there aint no habib in habeas corpus as it applies to some of these fanatical bastards and will do the right thing to ensure our security, I is hoping.

The bailout is troubling and that’s got me back searching for my ass wondering which way is North. Between W and Bama, we are looking at 2 trillion dollars of taxpayer money being spent and I am having a hard time connecting that to the saving of the 212,000 jobs we lost in January alone. It will just take China to stick their chopsticks perpendicular in our T-bill rice to take our dollar problems to real crisis. All of this and we have the Goracle testifying in front of Congress about melting ice caps and the end of our species in the middle of a freaking ice storm.

I subscribe to the sun will shine tomorrow, my glass is still half full with a very hoppy IPA, and we can all play with ours, or others, chakras like nobodies business. I am worried though for the people who really need a bail out as people aren’t buying as much weed, Larry Flynt’s business is way down, and guys like Paul Blart the Mall Cop are suffering with all the businesses being shuttered (go rob the f&%king mall bank, there’s no money there!). But if you wrap yourself up in healthy discussion of fellatio and anal sex (ah, Anne Hathaway) the recession will be over before we know it.

Aloha

You know everything is not an anecdote. You have to discriminate. You choose things that are funny or mildly amusing or interesting. You’re a miracle! Your stories have NONE of that. They’re not even amusing ACCIDENTALLY! “Honey, I’d like you to meet Del Griffith, he’s got some amusing anecodotes for you. Oh and here’s a gun so you can blow your brains out. You’ll thank me for it.” I could tolerate any insurance seminar. For days I could sit there and listen to them go on and on with a big smile on my face. They’d say, “How can you stand it?” I’d say, “'Cause I’ve been with Del Griffith. I can take ANYTHING.” You know what they’d say? They’d say, “I know what you mean. The shower curtain ring guy. Woah.” It’s like going on a date with a Chatty Cathy doll. I expect you have a little string on your chest, you know, that I pull out and have to snap back. Except I wouldn’t pull it out and snap it back - you would. Agh! Agh! Agh! Agh! And by the way, you know, when you’re telling these little stories? Here’s a good idea - have a POINT. It makes it SO much more interesting for the listener!

Lay off the inhalants.