Thought this might be a fun (hopefully positive) read for Jordan when he is able to get on slowtwitch.
I’ll start.
Rappstar is so fast that his clavicle and scapula are racing to see which heals first. Vegas odds are 2to1 for the clavicle, early next week!
That’s actually the reason why he got hit.
Rappstar is so fast: When the driver looked both ways before pulling out, he saw Rappstar a quarter-mile away down the road. Thinking it was safe to proceed, he pulled out, not knowing that Rappstar is so fast, he travels faster than the speed of light and was really a quarter-mile farther up the road than it looked, having already circled the globe 3 times in between the nano-second that the driver used to make the decision.
Rappstar is so fast that when he hit the car, he knocked into low earth orbit, which is why they couldn’t find it and think it’s a hit and run. It’s not, it was a hit and launch into orbit.
Remember when Mario Cipollini got caught on a motorway cycling his bike? He said he was so fast that this was the only kind of road good enough for him. Well, we need a Rappstar highway.
J.Rapp is so fast that CHPs is gonna hire him to wrangle in runaway Prius’.
Q.
Why did Rappstar cross the road ?
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A. Sorry, I got nothing but I hope I made you laugh 
Get better fast buddy!!
SRM has had to invent a new power meter for Jordan Rapp. It measures Kilowatts.
Jordan is so powerful, he stripped the splines on his crank and was the original inventor of powercranks.
Jordan is so fast that on the days he rides east we get an extra half hour of daylight.
Get well!
Rappstar is so fast that in a recent collision with a car it was assumed that the driver hit him and ran, but in fact the driver was knocked unconscious, and his Toyota just kept accelerating until it reached Mexico and he was unable to return to the united states.
Rappstar is so fast that the USAT is now considering restrictor plates for the Pro ranks. They are consulting with NASCAR on how to proceed.
Rappstar is so fast that he’s gone plaid.
Rappstar is so fast that he can’t wear a pad in his trisuit because the friction would catch it on fire.
Rappstar is so fast fellow triathletes have used him for motorbike pacing.
They found the truck that hit him where it landed after the collision, upside down in a ditch 100 yards away, nearly cut in half.
I keep thinking of new ones.
Rapp is so fast that he is only allowed to ride in the countryside as the sonic boom he creates is known to wake children, scare dogs, and give the elderly heart attacks.
Rappstar is so fast he broke the IMAZ course record.
Cann rappstar set a course record so fast that even he cannot break it?
No, he tried at IMAZ and broke it again anyway
Rappstar is so fast he broke the IMAZ course record.
Rappstar is so fast that he actually created his own gravity well on that road, causing the truck to be dragged into him from 3 miles away at 35 miles per hour. The truck never stood a chance…not so much a case of hit-and-run since the truck disintegrated on impact.
Rappster can bike fast enough around the world to actually draft off himself!
Rappstar is so fast the UCI banned him and not the Shiv.
Rappstar is so fast … just ask his wife!
Rapp is so fast that Toyota is consulting with him regarding their (alleged) accelerator problem 
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