I’m sure parents of little kids have all sorts of things to add to the list.
But this weekend I was working in the garden and I think I said a combination of words that no other human has ever uttered. “God dammit dogs, for the last time, get out of there and stop eating all of the asparagus.”
Both of my dogs have decided they really like asparagus and have decided to just sit there and munch on it straight from my patch.
“munch on it straight from my patch.”
Now there’s something I never could have thought you would say.
“I like gardening”
Been a homeowner for 1.5 years and after spending most of last year clearing out brush in our backyard and chopping down dozens of trees we’re spending a lot of time this year on garden beds and I actually enjoy it. I still don’t know half the names of things we’re planting or how any of it will look in a year or two, but it’s actually been fun and there’s a lot of satisfaction in having a good-looking front yard and garden area.
I’m sure parents of little kids have all sorts of things to add to the list.//
I’ll start off the parents list:
Dont make me come up and get you!
If you dont eat your veggies, no desert!
One more word Mister, and you know what?
And a million more, and this last one:
I love you guys so much…
Don’t put your penis in your brother’s face.
No one wants to see your butt.
Sense a theme here? My two year old was running down the sidewalk yesterday yelling, “shake your booty”.
I have retiree medical. I’m not sure if it makes sense for me to quit and give that up.
Trying to figure out if I want to transfer internally or outright quit.
Don’t put your penis in your brother’s face.
No one wants to see your butt.
Sense a theme here? My two year old was running down the sidewalk yesterday yelling, “shake your booty”.
I figure parents go through a whole lot of, “do not put THAT, THERE”
“You have to finish your wildebeest soup before you can play with your excavatorâ€
“Yes, I’m pooping; no, I don’t need any helpâ€
“No bicycles in bedâ€
“Why are there boogers in your bellybuttonâ€
These all happened in the last 8 hours.
Worked really hard to seed a new lawn in the fall. Going great, mostly.
Something along the lines of:
“I’m going to kill that MF’ing squirrel. I’m going to risk a city fine to shoot a pellet up it’s MF’ing ass if it digs one more nut hole in our grass!”
Maybe a slingshot is a lower key option than laser sighted big scope high power pellet gun and military fatigues.
Don’t make me turn this car around!
Note: I don’t have kids.
Here’s one my buddy said, but, you will NEVER hear me say: “I cannot go out drinking tonight, I’m going to Zany Brainy.”
.
I said this last week: “Honey, Marley’s poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her.”
Marley eats wifie’s hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.
Here’s one my buddy said, but, you will NEVER hear me say: “I cannot go out drinking tonight, I’m going to Zany Brainy.”
I call bullshit.
Who says ‘cannot’ anymore?
I said this last week: “Honey, Marley’s poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her.”
Marley eats wifie’s hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.
I would have thought you would say “Hey Honey, I won a case today!”
Don’t make me turn this car around!
Note: I don’t have kids.
I can’t recall the exact words that narrated it, but I once threw a portable DVD player out the car window as I sped down the highway cuz I’d absolutely had enough of telling my 2 precious little brats to stop fighting over it. That fucking put a stop to that, as both of them and the wife pretty much all went uniformly silent in slack-jawed shock.
I said this last week: “Honey, Marley’s poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her.”
Marley eats wifie’s hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.
I would have thought you would say “Hey Honey, I won a case today!”
Oh, I get it! See, you’re implying I don’t win any cases!
You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!
I said this last week: “Honey, Marley’s poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her.”
Marley eats wifie’s hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.
I would have thought you would say “Hey Honey, I won a case today!”
Oh, I get it! See, you’re implying I don’t win any cases!
You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!
I thought that was kinda funny. Like Windy saying ‘honey, what do you think about Cuba for vacation this year’ or ‘the tap water tastes mighty fine today’.
“munch on it straight from my patch.”
Now there’s something I never could have thought you would say.
amen.
Just the other day I said “Please stop standing on your sister!”
I said this last week: “Honey, Marley’s poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her.”
Marley eats wifie’s hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.
I would have thought you would say “Hey Honey, I won a case today!”
Oh, I get it! See, you’re implying I don’t win any cases!
You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!
I thought that was kinda funny. Like Windy saying ‘honey, what do you think about Cuba for vacation this year’ or ‘the tap water tastes mighty fine today’.
Or CaptainCanada saying, “Honey, come to bed, I’ve decided to give the moose the night off.”
I said this last week: “Honey, Marley’s poo is stuck again. Please come here and pull it out of her.”
Marley eats wifie’s hair (if she can find it). Then it get stuck in her poo and hangs out her ass. It freaks her out, so, she runs around the back yard with a little turd flying around behind her, hanging from her ass by a long string of hair.
I would have thought you would say “Hey Honey, I won a case today!”
Oh, I get it! See, you’re implying I don’t win any cases!
You are so clever! You must be the smartest Canadian of them all!
I thought that was kinda funny. Like Windy saying ‘honey, what do you think about Cuba for vacation this year’ or ‘the tap water tastes mighty fine today’.
Or CaptainCanada saying, “Honey, come to bed, I’ve decided to give the moose the night off.”
Oh Moose jokes. Still hilarious after all these years. And you probably wonder why people don’t think conservatives are funny?