Philosophical Pontification...(a disapointing off topic observation)

Triathlon Forum
1

Am I imagining things, or are people becoming more selfish?

It just seems like people are becoming more and more me-istic. Even my best friend is turning into a self-absorbed, boring, selfish, blob. It’s a horrible thing to say, but even worse, it’s a horrible reality. This is a person who has decided to not watch any tv, look at any periodicals of any sort because she feels that the world’s negativity effects her too deeply and she doesn’t want to be bothered with it. I’m sure she has no idea that 20 thousand people just lost their lives in the sunami.

She showed up late to my birthday party because she was having drinks with her boyfriend, and didn’t call on Christmas. Meanwhile, I designed and hand knit her a specialty wrap that was uniquely made just for her. The joke is on me (so get over it, right? yes, I’m getting over it, but still feel jipped by her rude behavior, especially since I’ve always gone out of my way for her and have been there no matter what. guess it’s time for me to change my ways and wake up, huh).

but, her aside, it just seems like people are becoming more into themselves, care less about what others think and feel, and generally act in selfish ways. I see it when I’m driving–it’s like people want to run you off the road because they have a more important destination than everyone else. I saw when I was shopping this season. I see it at the grocery store, and unfortunately, I see it in my own family.

Perhaps I’ve had on rose colored glasses and have not realized that it’s always been this way (the Bible does say there is nothing new under the sun), but I’ll tell you, I don’t like it.

Am I crazy (that’s an argument in and of itself–hahaha), or do you feel what I’m talking about here? What do you think?

kittycat

PS- I’m beginning to feel that I should not be so generous…that the joke is on me. I’m always one to bring 4 or 5 bottles of wine to a party in order to contribute to everyone having a good time. Or, give really nice gifts, and think of other’s feelings. Perhaps it’s the generous people that get the shaft.

2

I agree with you completely. I understand that people have to do what is best for themselves, but there is a fine line that people have crossed between doing what is best for themselves and completely selfish. I hardly see anyone doing anything generous these days without knowing the end result will benefit themselves more. It’s all too sad and frustrating to those who are constantly surrounded by it.

3

“I’m always one to bring 4 or 5 bottles of wine to a party…”

You’re invited.

Oh yes, I’ve noticed the selfishness ratcheting up and up big time over the last few years. I’ve always systematically avoided ego-bound people but have seen the trend creeping into the lives of friends who were previously pretty much free of it. It’s a damn shame because they become a bore - and I think that’s because they’re missing the ability to “lose themselves”.

Anyway, for what it’s worth just watch that it doesn’t change you - I have noticed that one of the first symptoms is becoming overly concerned about selfishness in others, letting that change your behavior, and eventually a “if I can’t beat 'em I might as well join 'em” surrender.

Best,

4

So is this a result of the “Must succeed, must win” expectations from work or a paradigm shift in “family values” (if you could call them that) or both?

5

ok, so I do notice it, but you don’t think I should change my genorosity? I agree with that for the most part–but I think I need to “wake up” with some people.

The truth is I do enjoy being generous…maybe that in itself is actually selfish of me, because i do like to see joy in others when they recieve a nice gift from me, etc. So, I do get something from my own generosity…

However, perhaps it’s my own expectation of gratitude from others (such as my “best friend” not even sending a thank you note when I spent nearly 6 weeks making her gift…not to mention the 150.00 it cost in materials alone) that is my own undoing.

Or, better yet, I think this friend of mine needs to move down on the priority pole…especially since looking back I see things now–for example, when my husband’s Dad died in a car crash she didn’t send a card, or anything (and her mother was the head at a bigtime local flower shop). Also, she was right there when I got the news from my husband. When my Dad died, she was in Miami Florida. When she came back and heard the news, she didn’t even call me for weeks later. I think it boils down to selfishness. Now that it’s gotten to the point where I feel hurt by it, I need to reconsider my friendship with her. It can’t be all me anymore…

But, with others–say strangers–I’m going to work on keeping patience. I’ll tell you though, the selfishness I see is sometimes gross and horrible. It’s a good thing I stay home alot, or it could eventually become jading.

kittycat

6

Live the way you want to live. Let others do the same. If you have no expectations of others you’ll find that quite often you’ll be pleasantly suprised. If you have high expectations of others, you’ll often be disappointed.

I’m not trying to be a jerk, but it sounds like you’re expecting to be “paid back” for being nice to others and you’re getting frustrated. Take pride and see the reward in your behavior.

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I could not agree more. Seems Internet friends are the new best friends…we have low expectations of eachother and are free to tell our fears to…as we dont have to look at you when we tell you.

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"This is a person who has decided to not watch any tv, look at any periodicals of any sort because she feels that the world’s negativity effects her too deeply and she doesn’t want to be bothered with it. "

Selfish or overwhelmed? I’m not commenting about the other points you raised - i.e. your father’s death. But I too find myself too deeply affected by the constant negativity of the media and feel like I have to withdrawal or else I will just end up in a very deep depression. Part of it is my perfectionist streak - I want to make everything perfect in the world and get very frustrated/depressed when I realize I can’t. However, I am away of the disaster from the earthquake because someone posted a topic about it here and I did take the time to read more about. My prayers go out to all the people affected by this disaster.

9

I agree with the poster who said that the only thing the media thinks is news is negative. I try to ignore it all, too. There is nothing I can do about it, and I don’t want it on my head. When we were growing wheat in Kansas in 1860, life was good. Even though I didn’t know about the Tsunami.

If you do things for reciprocation, don’t bother. Also, that is the thing about friendships, or any relationship–you don’t always get out of them what you want at a particular point in time. It is the long term that you have to look at, like the stock market. You need to know when to get out of a stock, and out of a relationship.

Aren’t you the girl who can’t get along with your mother? Just kidding.

P.S. Bringing 4-5 bottles of wine to a party is grand-standing. Is this maybe an example of doing too much, and then being disappointed in the “pay-back”. You don’t think you do it for the pay back, but maybe you want people to think you are a “super” girl? Just throwing that out for future counseling sessions–not trying to insult you, honest.

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“The truth is I do enjoy being generous…”

This really IS one of the great pleasures in life - don’t feel guilty about it! Feeling pleasure from stuff like that is not a sign of selfishness - in my view, it’s a sign that life is a lot sweeter than we generally give it credit for. And you may not always get it back directly, but it does seem to have an uncanny way of coming back somehow. It sounds like mystic mumbo-jumbo but I’ve found it to be true nonetheless.

As for dumping your friend - well, you described her as your best friend and in my world that is unconditional love territory unless the change in her is really drastic and totally hopeless, otherwise patience is in order. Talk to her, tell her the changes you’re noticing are not working. And I’m not just spinning a pretty tale here either - my own best and lifelong friend made some tragically wrong and VERY selfish mistakes in his early twenties that led to heroin addiction and a prison sentence for the bank robberies that supported his habit. I still love him. He’s still my best friend. Wait a minute, don’t take advice from me - I’m an idiot :-). Actually, even though the hardest, it’s been one of the most satisfying and meaningful relationships of my life, and I’m proud of sticking with it.

Best - hope it works out,

11

This is really a tough one. It is possible that your friend and you have grown apart, or simply that she does not value your relationship the way you value it. However, I have trouble generalizing versus being specific when it comes to people. Typically, I like people on an individual basis, but hate them as a group. That said, if I do not like you specifically, I will have little or nothing to do with you, while if I do like you, I will do just about anything I can for you.

I know a lot of people who are very self-centered, and I try not to associate with them too much. However, in our increasingly disconnected world, I think that many of us are starting to act towards live humans the same way we do towards computer opponents, anonymous people we see online, etc.

Regarding the news, I keep abreast of what is happening in the world, but avoid anything other than checking CNN in the morning because the only thing that is typically reported is bad news. Already there are a dozen news sites hosting photo galleries of the earthquake devastation.

Look at it like this: Foster the relationships that work for you, do good for the people you care about and who appreciate your efforts, and find happiness despite all the idiots out there.

12

IMHO, what we are lacking is basic civility, common courtesy, if you will. In busy, urban societies, the only thing that keeps the machine rolling is a basic respect for each and every member of the group. I accept that when the group numbers millions it is hard to do, but the bigger the number the more important it is.

I used to find that when I made way for people in shops or doorways, as is my habit, that I would get a nod or a small thank you in return. When I do it now most people, especially young people, just waltz through as if, of course, I would be making way for them because they are sooo fabulous. People seem to compete everywhere, even in the most inane ways. Risking your life to complete a passing maneouvre on the road to end up one car ahead of me in the queue doesn’t make you cooler - it makes you look like an ass.

There is an interesting book by a guy called Micheal Ignatieff On the needs of strangers which deals with a lot of these issues.

Anyway, yes, Miss Cat, people are getting more selfish. It’s a bit sad, really.

13

I would agree. I deal with this on a daily basis also, from all people of varying relationship seriousness. It’s sad, but with the holidays over it seemed family was the worst at it of all. I get more common courtesy from strangers now then people I know and love.

Most people are so busy working to make money to buy stuff, transport their stuff, buy something to transport their stuff, take their stuff home to look at it and think “wow, I’ve got great stuff”. Then they’re stuff no longer gives them happiness so they rush to get more of it to fulfill themselves. We’re like alcoholics for stuff. If we weren’t hooked on stuff we’d have more time for real people and forming relationships and bonds that will last longer than stuff.

And it’s not just stuff either, it’s all types of things to fill their voids, and they’ll stop at nothing to get it. I often feel like the person getting screwed for actually considering the needs of others and getting taken for it.

People are no longer the #1 priority in life. Material things, jobs, cars, houses, status, prestige, pets, and dare I say, even triathlon is more important to most people than other actual live human beings.

14

So could I sum up what ya’ll are saying like this:

Everybody’s PC… nobody cares