People with kids, how do you afford it?

The Coffee Shop
1

Speaking middle class people here… Wife and I each make mid 50’s for salary and plan to have kids in a few years. She doesn’t want the kids to be put in daycare though, so that pretty much means one salary. How in the hell do we afford rent/mortgage and a kid on one salary? We live in an expensive area (Boston area) so housing ain’t cheap.

Anyone in a similar situation? How does it work?

An option is to move closer to the in-laws who would love to raise the kids during the day and we could have 2 salaries. The only problem is we don’t love the area they live.

2

Oh there you are…

IronMike replied on the other forum:

“If you wait until you can afford kids you’ll never have them.”

I can’t agree with him more. My wife and I were pi$$ poor, and she surprised me one fine December day. We had no idea how we were going to do it, but we were more excited than anything else. Our second was also a “surprise” (notice I didn’t say “accident!”) I can’t imagine life without them. You find ways to make it work.

3

Absolutely agree. If you wait until you think you can afford 'em, you’ll never have 'em. When the kids happen you just have to shift priorities and make it work. That’s what the rest of us parents have done.

4

Wait til they get in college. I have 2 and they are draining me!

5

We have two (twins) graduating from UCLA this year, one graduating from high school and starting college and one still in high school. All girls, so we have four weddings to look forward to as well. I’ll probably be working until I’m 70.

6

Just like what the others have posted, you figure out a way. Things that were once priorities become not-so-much. It’s amazing how easy it is to scale back on just about everything. If you really want kids, just realize that life, for your sanity and happiness, will shift some. If you’re open to that then don’t wait until you can afford it…that time will never come.

7

You’re going to have to set your priorities and follow them.

Obviously, you’re not going to be able to live in Boston, on one salary, and maintain your current lifestyle, while having kids.

You seem to be looking for a situation that allows you to have your cake and eat it to, and while I understand that situation, it isn’t reality.

We make it quite comfortably by not having a lot of electronic toys that everyone seems to have. We don’t gasp have a single plasma or tv larger than 26 inches in the house. We seem to be in the vast minority on that one. On the flipside, we are usually doing something other than watching TV.

Our first son went to a really good daycare, more like a monitssorie school. We paid out the wazzo, but were confortable with him being there, playing with friends, engaged in meaningful activities.

Our other two kids go to grandma’s during the day, and it costs us nothing, and we’re just as happy.

Here’s one thing we’ve found out about ourselves … the more spending money you have the more mooney you spend on stuff you don’t need. When you make sacrifices, you tend to spend more wisely and only buy the stuff you really need. It also causes you to look at what you resally value/need, and that may tell you quite a bit about yourself (good and bad).

I’d much rather live in Phoenix or Havasu. We live in an area that I’m not real excited about, but we were able to buy a very nice house that cost as much as our combined salary per year (120K). THe same house in Chicago would likely cost 450K, and we’d be owned by our house instead of the other way around. We also have a low cost of living in exchange for not having any and every type of store and/or entertainment venue within short driving distance. THe big plus is that my kids are growing up with a solid nuclear family focused on values, with the extended family highly involved and engaged.

In short, I’m trading 120 more days of sunshine and better weather for more family time and more spending cash. It works great for us, even though I daydream about all the sunshine in the southwest.

8

My wife has never worked…and always stayed home. At the time I made in the low 40s back in early 90s…you can do this. Now, I am one of the “so-called” rich, so money is not as big a problem though I am afraid of college. Look, you will have to make choices but stats show that men that have a wife stay home are much more successful than those that don’t. My wife does so much for our family, I would say she has the hardest job in the world and does it at a high level.

9

If there’s a will there is a way. If you want kids you can find a way to make it work and work well. If we have kids we are responsible for them. It doesn’t matter what others do irresponsibly around you. It’s a personal thing and we look after our own when it comes to family and a personal responsibility to our own kids to be brought up well and not wanting. You only remain in the same middle class because of self-aquired mental constraints. There is a whole lot more to this positive thinking than just the marketing of the theory.

You are a human being with a mind umpteen times more powerful than any super computer. Do what you have to and I mean do it the smart way not just by increasing your work load. http://tbn0.google.com/images?q=tbn:bFv4yfPQzCWqZM:http://www.niles-hs.k12.il.us/DAVMAL/Clases/AP/pgs/06_07/5/Nicsae5/Imagines/NikeLogo.png

10

My dad was a milkman and my mom stayed at home to raise the kids, all 9 of us. You will manage, it just has to be a priority.

11

We don’t really want to live in the Boston area, but decent jobs keep us here. I’m mostly concerned about being able to afford a house and have children. A single family home costs about a minumum of 250 here, many condos go for the same. We also live VERY minimally compared to most people I know. Basic cable ($16), older clothes, cars from last decade, never go out to dinner. I kinda stopped tri’s because they are so expensive. But, yes, I would like my cake and eat it too. The cake is not plasma TVs and fancy restaurants in our situation. The cake is not having to worry about paying the bills, and stress about money is one of my least favorite things.

12

Similar story here - my dad was a purchasing agent for a lighting company and my mom stayed home to raise 11 of us. I’m still amazed at times how they were able to do it.

As to the original OP, my wife and I became parents for the first time last March and our daughter is in day care since we both work. It’s just one of those things that you find a way to make it work; whether it’s not going out for dinner on the weekends or bringing lunch every day or just being more aware of your everyday spending habits, you’d be surprised at how much extra you can come up with per month.

13

I feel ya, and we live a similar life, although going to the movies is a vice for us. We go every week or two on Saturday afternoon.

We had previously lived in Kansas City (Johnson County, actually) and we loved it there. However, the amount of house you could get for 100K was ridiculously small (compared to the areas we grew up in).

So, essentially, we took lesser jobs to live in an area that was closer to family and where we wouldn’t be “living to pay for our house” or living in a cramped box.

What we’ve found is that we kind of like the “20K population” type life versus the 2 million … especially when I can drive all the way across town in 5 minutes, and we can live 6 blocks from the baseball diaminds and 12 blocks from the city park … not to mention we bought a 2800 sq ft (including 4-room finished basement) for 120K (our combined salary). If we living in Chicago land, I’d likely make 40K more and she’d likely make 20K more, but housing would cost about 250K more. Not a good trade for us. We’re still within 1.5-2 hours of any location of Chicago and make it into the city 5-6 times per year … usually for baseball games and/or the zoo. Other than being stuck in traffic, I don’t feel that I am missing out on a whole lot.

14

Speaking middle class people here… Wife and I each make mid 50’s for salary and plan to have kids in a few years. She doesn’t want the kids to be put in daycare though, so that pretty much means one salary. How in the hell do we afford rent/mortgage and a kid on one salary? We live in an expensive area (Boston area) so housing ain’t cheap.

Anyone in a similar situation? How does it work?

An option is to move closer to the in-laws who would love to raise the kids during the day and we could have 2 salaries. The only problem is we don’t love the area they live.
Make sure you really really want them before you have them. You are smart to talk about the money crunch before you have them. We have 2 beautiful girls, 5 & 7. My wife quit her job after the first one. The money hit is hard, but so is the lack of sleep, the lost personal time with your wife and perhaps your triathlon training… Having written that, I wish I could have more kids and if we could afford them we would have. However, one salary only goes so far and now, with the economy, it’s scarier then ever to be a parent. My job could be gone any day. I hate the stress of not knowing if I will have a job from day to day but I do have a job now and skills that will hopefully be wanted by another employer should my present one let me go. Not everybody has to have kids. If you or your spouse have any doubts then don’t do it. Children deserve parents that are all in.

15

Just a side note: Fastforward 10 to 20 years. Living frugally is an excellent example for kids to follow. They learn the actual value of things. I have no kids but have taught high school for several years. If I may generalize, kids with attentive, keen parents of modest means tend to do the best, not the ones who grow up in big homes who have been handed everything. Too many of the better off kids are spoiled, just as you would expect. In my opinion, they seem to have a lesser chance of doing as well as their parents, as least from what I have seen (I have followed a few into their middle 20s. Maybe they will get ambition at 35 or 40, who knows?). Those same kids seem to be living off their parents the longest too.

By the way, 110K for a young family nearly puts you in the top 20% of Americans. The “average” family somehow makes it on about $50-60K a year. But, yeah, Boston is way up there, price-wise.

16

I would agree with everything you said (I also work in high schools). 110k is great now, but like I said, she wants to raise the kids at home which cuts our salary in half. I did a lot of real estate browsing recently and many condos push 300k around here. After digging, you can find some decent starter homes for less than 200k, but most will require significant work. I think our goal is to have a single family with a yard but getting that on one salary will be difficult.

I wonder what it’s like to save money here and then move to a cheaper part of the country. I used to live in MT as well and would love to buy a house for 120k, although I know your real estate prices have been rising a lot lately.

Putting the numbers together makes me really grateful for all my parents went through. I regret nagging for all the latest toys.

17

Well I only read the first few replies, ya you do it. But the OP asked, HOW.

Well here’s what we did. Wife and I bought a house when both of us worked, but knew she would stop when kids arrived, so we based the mortgage payment on my salary alone. Put some of the extra cash away, and did some fixes/upgrades before the kids.

Now, 3 kids. NO cable, No cell phone, Rarely eat out… With the economic down turn my wife and I laughed/were mystified/cried… At all the suggestions the local news and paper would have on ways to save cash, why because we were already doing all of them.

Its all about priorities. Family vacations, have typically been a week at Grandma’s or a week somewhere not to expensive. Disney – Forget it.

Now all the kids are in school, and my wife still stays at home, she volunteers at the schools most days. She knows every kid in all three of our kids grades, and they know her, and that is worth a lot more than $$ and will return a bigger return than any stock investment.

18

When my wife and I found out we were expecting twins 7 years ago we found a way to make it work with her continuing to work full time and me cutting to part time. She works three 12 hour shifts (RN) and I fill in 2 or 3 days per week when she is off. This has worked wonderfully by eliminating daycare completely and still keeping a decent income level. We now have 4 children and the arrangement hasn’t changed. One nice thing is that by taking turns being at home we both have a chance to get away by going to work and still really appreciate the time at home when we get it. I don’t think I could handle being home every day.

19

I have 2 very good friends with babies (well, 2-year-olds) doing well on less than 1.5 incomes, or 60K or so. In one case the woman is less than half time and in case the other the man is. Truth be told they bought very modest houses with tiny backyards for $150-$200K in 2004 or so. One in Montana and the other in Portland. They drive near-beaters, too, of course. One couple can still afford to fly home to Europe every year for 2 weeks (wife is from there). My sister and husband also live on very little, with a little one. They run a business with a couple seasonal, part-time employees. The major problem is the business is located in a town of 500, (45 min. from the nearest supermarket) which really limits what they can do.

20

It can be done. The best advice you can get is to pay off your debt and prepare yourself to live on one income. It was never an option for us to put our son in daycare so my wife stopped working a few months before he came home. We had been married 12 years and the thought of dropping her income (equal to mine) was scary. So, while she was still working we paid off the vehicles, student loan debt, etc. till all we had left was the house. My son has been home 2 years now and we are used to one income. We still take vacations (pay cash by saving up) and are able to eat out once or twice a week (mid-priced nothing fancy). What we gave up? We have basic cable, two tvs that are over 10 years old, old furniture and both vehicles have over 100K miles. We don’t buy every new gadget that comes out and we stick to the basics when it comes to our hobbies (though I was able to buy a new bike this year). I think most people would be surprised at what they can do on one income once your debt is gone.