Parents, what are the lil'parasites co$ting you!

The Coffee Shop
61

I knew two kids who competed at word class levels when I was growing up. They did travel round the world for events. One was Judo and the other was a horse vaulter so not exactly main stream sports that could turn into money making careers.

No one else I knew regularly flew for sports. Drive a few hours for a tournament or meet, but you only flew if for some reason you qualified which was pretty rare. Like if you won an event at a regional meet you might qualify to enter a state wide event, then possibly onto a national level event.

My kid does rec soccer and is happy with that. I sort of wish she would push herself a bit more and do a club team. I figure she would get more structure and discipline, but then I read threads like this and I am happy with my longest drive being 30 minutes.

62

. . .
I donā€™t disagree. Butā€¦

We have traveled a bit with our two oldest kids. Not crazy, but some travel teams. I am under no illusion that we are investing in them making it to an elite category to be recruited. But they love their sport and seeing them show discipline and commitment is the skill am trying to teach. And then we get to have conversations about how lucky they are and not every kid is able to have this type of access. Does it fall on deaf ears? Maybe, but I think not. I have also had plenty of 8 hour car trips to get to an event, which is invaluable deep thoughts time. Have had the occasional flight distance trip. Which to me, I view as a mini vacation. Over these years, have developed nice friendships with a few parents. I canā€™t say it was miserable spend a 3-day weekend in February in Phoenix. Get up early and go for a run. Last year I tossed my gravel bike in truck and rode Snow Canyon in St. George while boys all slept. $ well spent.

This pretty much mirrors my experience/perspective w/our kids and their travel sports. Am grateful that the associated costs werenā€™t a hardship in relative terms for us and we could just roll with it.

Like spending $150 on running shoes or $900 on a bike wheel. If itā€™s not a hardship itā€™s a no biggie. But sure, in absolute dollars and other situational contexts, those are big numbers.

63

. . .

What kind of horse does she have?

I have friends in California and they drive to Kentucky at least twice a year so she can show.

Your friends trailer a horse from CA to KY? Or is the horse boarding at KY?

I suppose you can also fly a horse as long as it doesnā€™t get loose enroute and make the news :slight_smile:

64

Back to the original questionā€¦

ā€œWhat do my kids cost me?ā€

A) Peace of mind
B) Sleep
C) Self-righteousness (Sure!!.. I was probably a better parent than most American dim-wits. But I still messed up massively. And my kids have suffered because of it).
D) Impractical dreams

The money???

What does that matter?

I only have money because I didnā€™t want my kids to lack things. (They didnā€™t).

If it wasnā€™t for kids, I would have been a professional backpacker, poet, revolutionary.

65

Are you a fucking moron? Where in the fuck should it cost 30k for a kid to play a sport?

What kind of payback are you expecting with that kinda outlay?

What the fuck is weong with people? Imgonna go shake my fists at cloudsā€¦

Two sportsā€¦approx 15k per. She plays both year round . The multiple tournaments really jack up the cost , especially for soccer (Boston, San Diego, Fla.) And hockeyā€¦thats just a really expensive sport period
What do you mean by ā€˜paybackā€™ā€¦lol. Shes really good at both and loves to play! Thats it bro.
Edit: should of mentioned all figures in Can. dollars so thats only ~22K US.

This is one of those things I canā€™t figure out. We have two friends who are constantly flying all over North America so their kidā€™s soccer teams can play other soccer teams. Las Vegas. Indianapolis. Arizona, Florida. WTF? Why do they have to go all over the country so their teenagers can play soccer? There are multiple high-level soccer teams here in our state. I mean, dozens. Maybe hundreds.

We have created this monster where kids sports have become this unstoppable, pervasive, thingā€¦!

Of course, like Iā€™m one to talk. My younger daughter rides horsesā€¦ And I drive her and the effing horse to Kentucky 3-4 times per year. When there are a lot of really good horse shows within two hours of my house. The horse thing is going to delay my retirement by at least five years. I guess my kid is happy, but Iā€™m not always sure that she appreciates the sacrifice.

What kind of horse does she have?

I have friends in California and they drive to Kentucky at least twice a year so she can show.

Oh, itā€™s worse than that.

We have an 18 year old Fresian cross. Trained as a police horse. Now doing three day eventing.

We also have a nine year old Irish Sport Horse. also doing three day eventing.

And to answer an earlier question about why I drive her and the horse to Kentuckyā€¦ I actually enjoy it. Horses are a lifestyle. My first job was working in a horse barn. My wife won a national title in dressage before we got married. Iā€™m pretty involved in the whole horse thing and was well aware that it would likely be my fate when I married my wife. So, while I come across as a grumpy old manā€¦ like I said, itā€™s more fun than I let on. Spending six hours in the cab of the truck with my daughter is time together that is way more beneficial to our relationship than almost anything else we do together. I like being a horse show dad.

Plus, something I noticed many years ago (itā€™s not an absolute, but itā€™s a pretty good rule of thumb), girls who are dedicated to horses rarely get in trouble. They spend too much time with their horses. If there are behavioral issues, you can hold the horse over their heads as well.

Yes, Iā€™m poorer, but I really donā€™t regret the horses.

66

Weā€™re just another middle class family slugging it out in trenches and a year end review of the family finances indicates weā€™ve dropped a whopping 30 to 35k on our 13 yo daughters sport activities (namely soccer & hockey). That covers team fees/kits/equipment/extra-skill sessions/tournaments/travel (car&air). And thats only one of them . Have another 16 yo but he only plays one sport at a high level, so a paltry ~15K. wtf!?
They can try but they wont stop me from retiring next year:)

I would like to hear your definition of middle class.

My ex wife and I who split expenses put off having our kids play travel soccer. Now that they are in high school playing varsity as Freshman, we felt we had to do it. The club kids just arenĆ¢ā‚¬ā„¢t at their level anymore. Cost is $1,500 per kid. Lol

Sounds like thatĆ¢ā‚¬ā„¢s what you spend on team snacks after the game.

67

. . .

What kind of horse does she have?

I have friends in California and they drive to Kentucky at least twice a year so she can show.

Your friends trailer a horse from CA to KY? Or is the horse boarding at KY?

I suppose you can also fly a horse as long as it doesnā€™t get loose enroute and make the news :slight_smile:

The horse and my friends live in the SF Bay Area. All 3 of them do the drive regularly. They also have a camper on the truck so the horse stays in stables along the way when they stop for the night and they stay in the camper. Like Jason said, itā€™s a lifestyle.

Nice horses Jasonā€™s daughter has! I grew up with Quarter Horses and barrel raced and showed halter and Western pleasure and equitation. When I win the lottery, Iā€™m buying a horse ranch and filling it with retired horses.

68

C) Self-righteousness (Sure!!.. I was probably a better parent than most American dim-wits.** But I still messed up massively. And my kids have suffered because of it).**

It says a lot about you that you recognize this. You have my respect.

69

My wife is currently on mat leave for kid #2, which is costing us around 70k for the year after EI and a brief employer top up is considered.

Canā€™t wait to get down to spending in the $30k range!

70

My wife is currently on mat leave for kid #2, which is costing us around 70k for the year after EI and a brief employer top up is considered.

Canā€™t wait to get down to spending in the $30k range!

Getting topped up for the whole year is a huge perk of my work. Too bad Iā€™m done with the ā€œmaking kidsā€. The ā€œkeeping them aliveā€ costs are not insubstantial.

71

My wife is currently on mat leave for kid #2, which is costing us around 70k for the year after EI and a brief employer top up is considered.

Canā€™t wait to get down to spending in the $30k range!

Getting topped up for the whole year is a huge perk of my work. Too bad Iā€™m done with the ā€œmaking kidsā€. The ā€œkeeping them aliveā€ costs are not insubstantial.

Yeah the top up is huge. EI pays our something like $1100 every two weeks. Considering what the cost of living is nowadays thatā€™s pretty meaningless.

My wife is part of the nurses union. They are really struggling to attract new nurses and retain current ones, to the point where ERs are closing because they canā€™t staff them. Youā€™d think, in a profession thatā€™s like 98% women, offering good maternity coverage or a childcare subsidy or something would be a perk your union would be fighting for. For some reason itā€™s never brought up.

72

two daughters, 18 and 21 years old.

At 1K per month, which is a low estimation, thatā€™s $468k
Two college savings plans is $200K

Total: 668k over 21 years (about $32k per year)

So, yes, without children, Iā€™d be retired by now, at the age of 53. However, I would have missed out on a lot. No regrets from this guy.

footnote: seems like the brides family is still expected to foot the bill for the wedding. So Iā€™ve got that going for me, also.

73

Iā€™ve learned to insulate myself from much of the avoidable cost of my wifeā€™s little parasites (using the term out of respect for the OP) with combination locked doors, hidden keys, frequent password changes, mortal threats, etc. What she does with risk mitigation for her personal property is her problem to deal with.

This morning I pushed a 150# amazon box containing a disassembled vanity up a flight of stairs for the 13yo. Later she comes down the stairs crying about how itā€™s too complicated to assemble and I could see the frustration building. I had no time to work on it with her, told her to be patient, read the instructions, ask mom for help or wait for me to get home etc. I warned my wife of a potential blow up/melt down given the trajectory, but as I was leaving for work, not my disaster to mitigate or to mop up after.

Wife sends me this photo a few hours later when she returned home from running errands.

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13 says the dog jumped on it breaking the screen, and she ā€œtried to peel off the screen coverā€ and ripped the entire screen and home button out of the damn thing. Obviously not what happened, more likely she smashed it while in a tizzy over her vanity not coming together, and obviously because sheā€™s never once told the truth when she stood to face consequences thereā€™s no way to know the truth and zero chance she gets the benefit of the doubt.

At some point my wife will learn this lesson and keep her expensive shit away from the lilā€™ parasites.

74

$16 CAD for parking + gas and time to retrieve sonā€™s napsack from airport lost and found.

75

Backdoor brag. If you want to talk about your trip, just do it.

76

I really donā€™t know how I would react to that, but I can guarantee you it would be with a lot less grace and patience than you appear to possess.

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77

I donā€™t react at all anymore. I take precautions. What my wife sacrifices on the altar of bad judgement is on her. I barely react to her complaints about it.

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78

Why is that child not at military boarding school?

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79

Youā€™re not really that dumb, right? You are just trying to get a rise outta Sphere? Right??

80

Uh noā€¦if my kid was defiant, breaking expensive things and lying about it theyā€™d be at St. Johns or Culver in a heartbeat