Ok so this is somewhat related since I train at 9:00 pm or 6:00 am because I have kids but I’m about ready to go to the grocery store and never come back. I have a 3 year old that is fighting everything, he thinks everything is a game right now. On top of that he’s super stubborn, like his old man, and doesn’t listen. We have a younger son 10 months who is the easiest baby ever… Someone once told me that everyday gets better when it comes to being a parent, well I don’t see that in fact i’m going crazy. My life is the same everyday and I’m dreading going home after work because of all the drama/stress/anger that my wife and I put up with so… Please tell me it gets better and when does it get better?
Sorry, it doesn’t get better, it just gets different! As they get older some things get better but at the same time other things get worse…
Hey dude…
3 is hard. Real hard. I never saw the “terrible twos” (and neither has any other parent I’ve ever talked to), but 3 is when they realize they can fight back. But it gets better…waaay better. 4 is when their personality really starts to develop and by 5 they are really fun.
Don’t let the drama/stress/anger stress you out and your wife out. When the kid freaks, we put them in their room until they are calm. Spanking didn’t work with my boys, but they learned pretty quick that losing it and throwing a tantrum was a one way ticket to their rooms. You don’t lose your temper (easier said than done, I know…I lost my temper plenty of times), you warn them and then when they don’t comply, you simply remove them from the situation and eventually they will calm down of their own accord. If you have to really use the nuclear option, I have found that removing every toy they own from their room and then making them stay in their room will make a huge impression (much huger than spanking ever would for my boys).
Spot
It hasn’t even gotten interesting yet -wait until the hormones start flowing. Hate to tell you but this is the easy time.
It does get easier. But it won’t happen overnight, and it probably won’t be because your kids or your life change.
Try to imagine the following -
you come home from work and there are no kids, no wife, none of the people that have become the foundation of your current life. Perhaps they’ve left, perhaps something tragic has happened, it doesn’t matter.
Identify the feeling of what it is to not have them there, to not be able to get them back.
Then, be thankful that they are there. That they are healthy, loud, boisterous, and difficult. This is what being a child is all about, and learning to accept and love it regardless is what being a parent (some would say human being) is all about.
both my sons have been terribly difficult at times, but I’d cry myself to sleep everynight if they were no longer in my life.
You are the parent. You are in charge, not your kids. The sooner you and they realize that, the sooner your household can regain peacefulness. Unless your three year old has his own car and credit card, he’s pretty much dependent on his parents for, well, everything. He’s entitled to nourishment (nutritional and emotional), safety, education, and not much more.
Learn to say “No” without anger or judgment, and mean it, and back it up. Kids aren’t stupid. They’ll push your limits as far as they can, but they just want to know where the limits are.
In 17 years, 2 months.
It gets about 1000 times better when they are in school full time. So hang in there til kindergarten.
My 11 year old is now so easy - he is getting straight A’s, is into sports, can run 40 minutes with me, and just went on a fantastic vacation to the Grand Tetons with me and he rode a mountain bike 2 hours, slept in while I ran, hiked for hours, camped and went white water rafting and into Yellowstone.
Your lives will get better when you learn to do less and go with the flow better with the kids - it is what you have to do for a short time to remain sane. I think my hardest times when my son was little was because I am used to being such a type A person and scheduling too much. I also think it is good to get babysitters and help from family so you can do more of the stuff you like. That makes you a better parent.
Good luck!
sounds like my life. 3 year old boy that never stops and 1 year old girl that is much easier but still full of energy.
during the hard times i try to remember what someone told me once. the days are long but the years are short.
o
The stage is called “terrible twos” only to keep parents from killing themselves, because really it lasts all the way through three. Four is transitional. Five to twelve is pure sweetness and light. Twelve to eighteen is, well, twelve to eighteen, and how that goes will be in large part determined by what you did between two and five. Or so the experts say.
Mainly, take a deep breath. It’s intensely frustrating, but don’t wish away years you will never get back. Seriously.
The only way it will change is if you and your wife change. And if you don’t it will get worse.
This philosophy has angered many but it works.
Kids especially at that age, have only 1 thing they can do to manipulate that you and that is to play on your emotions.
If you don’t get emotional they can not manipulate you. As soon as you realize that it is actually kind of fun to watch them try to get you emotional.
Stay calm don’t waiver ever, and don’t go back on a decision unless a reasoned and logical discussion has taken place and you realize you made an uninformed decision (that wont happen for a few years).
Be strong, consistent and steadfast, but also be able to say sorry I made a mistake, when you make one.
I’m not a parent but from what I gather, it sounds like you may have made the mistake of letting this kid get a look at the cover of your triathlete magazine…
Nothing like the taste of birch to whip young kids into shape. Just make sure not to break the handle on their naughty little behinds.
“when does it get better?”
When they’ve grown up and left home!! 
Three is a trying age. But you ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Wait till they’re teenagers.
I agree with everything DavHamm said. Even if you’re doing all this, though, that age is very tough and it does get better. Once they get to about 4 to 5, things go much smoother.
It’ll start getting better when everyone’s older than 5. Mine are 6 and 9 and while there is inevitable whining and carrying on (they are kids, after all), it’s much less annoying and most of the time I can tell them to work it out themselves.
It sounds bad, but a glass of wine or two in the evening really took the edge off for me during those difficult early years.
…
It sounds bad, but a glass of wine or two in the evening really took the edge off for me during those difficult early years.
Yes, yes a bottle or two of wine in the evenings helps, sometime one in the mid afternoon worked also.
try these two things:
- you are the adult
- it is not a democracy
.
Amy,
So you gave your kids a glass or two of wine in the evening to take the edge off? (HAHA I kill me!)
It seems like some people relate to the younger kids easier and some relate to the older kids easier. Luckily for me and my wife, she did better with them younger, and I seem to be doing better with them older (12 and 14). I agree with the guy who said that it doesn’t get better or worse with age, it just gets different.
Bernie
Of course it gets better, but the thing that changes is you. Young children are an excellent, direct reflection of your state of mind. When you are stubborn, they are stubborn. When you come home tired, stressed and angry, how long does it take for them to start acting up? When you look at them with love and compassion, they turn into little angels. In order for things to get better something does have to change here, but who’s the one who can change? Your three-year old, who is simply reacting to the environment he’s in, or you? Remember the feeling when you first held him in your arms? Just look for that feeling. Thats what we all need.