I need help. I have been dating an amazing women–fun, honest, sincere, athletic, adventurous, etc. etc – and we get along famously. BUT she is 36 and looks like she is in her forties, while I am 32 and look like I am in my 20s. This difference in the appearance of our age is really causing me to go crazy. I am at the point where either I just need to accept the fact or move on. Neither option is easy.
Can anyone set me straight?
If you’re not straight you shouldn’t be in a relationship with a woman.
lol
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Do we know that “confused” is a guy?
The real question is this; Do you not like the way she looks or do you not like the ideas of what other people may think.
If you are attracted to the was she looks (you seemed to like everything else about her) who cares. If you find her unappealing then move on. But if you are attracted to her and just worried about others opinions then dump her. You don’t deserve her.
If she is 36 and you care about her, you have to decide quickly if you want this to be a permanent relationship or not. If not, do HER a favour and cut it off so she can move on.
Another word thought. Looks and physique are temporary. The personality, soul and mind last a lifetime. You have to decide if the last three are the ones that you really care about. Let’s face it. In 25 years, neither of you will look the same, so looks are transitional in nature and while love is clearly influenced on physical appearance, any relationship that is based on that alone is doomed from the outset :-).
Good luck !
Of course we do, only guys can be insecure to the point of having doubts about a good relationship based on looks alone.
I believe that when you love someone, their beauty shines from within. Most of the time, a great personality will add to beauty and vise versa. Unfortunately, you don’t seem to be in love with her. You should move on. She’ll be hurt, but not as much as when you do find someone attractive to be with and your still with her.
You’ll also lose a great companion. But again, if you don’t find her attractive, you’ll eventually leave her for someone else anyways. Allow her to find someone that does find her attractive. You’ll have to gamble though on finding someone with her personality and good looking to boot. They are few and far between.
Cupid’s evil twin!
Love is blind. All else is vanity.
My wife is 3 1/2 years older than me, however, she doesn’t look it. The age difference doesn’t bother me much, and when it does, I just have to remind myself that I knew about and made my decision regardless. Remember, we will all get wrinkly, saggy and gray someday–the important thing is whether or not you will have someone there with you when you are old, wrinkly, saggy and gray. If she is the person that will be, and you want to be there with her, then get over the appearance issue.
Some people look old because of dress, makeup, hairdo, or other easily updatable things. If this is the case, maybe you could tactfully suggest a makeover. Sometimes it is an attitude thing. I have to say that my wife has a “young” attitude and I think that helps. She got a navel piercing last year and it looks good and makes her feel younger. Or, you could try looking older;^)
From a long term perspective looks is not a deal killer in a relationship. Maybe it ignited the sprark and that is important- at first.
Relationships are about commitment. Commitment is about going the distance. That means staying when the person puts on weight, has an accident and gets disfigured or just plan starts looking old.
People who attach too much significance to physical appearance are cheating themselves out of the greatest benefits a relationship can offer: Growth, support, kindness, warmth, etc. etc. That really is what it is all about.
Maybew if you let those princiles guide your motives and decisions it will become more clear.
Good luck with that, I’ve never been succesful at it.
Ask her to wear a sack ; )
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The simple and obvious solution is for you to look older. I bet you’ve been doing too much clean livin’. Live the Keith Richards lifestyle for a few months and you’ll easily pass for forties. Problem solved. Good luck.
Realistically, there is a lot of wisdom behind pyker’s suggestion.
“When you ain’t got nothin’, you ain’t got nothin’ to lose” -Bob Dylan.
When people start confusing you for her son then maybe it’s time for a change.
I think our criteria for picking that special someone is in most ways shallow and selfish. Girls just have figured out the way to shame us into feeling bad about the one way we use that they hate–looks. If I like someone on their looks alone, it’s natural, nature favors beauty in courtship. It’s also smart, as everyone has a bad shallow side, you might as well have the looks to boot. Just have a red corvette etc, walk with a friend on the college football team (who wears the letter jacket) and flash some cash when at a bar. You’ll see the personality criteria disapear in a hurry. My wife isn’t high on the looks chart, she does however prefer men over 6ft tall and at 5’7" I’m really not her cup of tea. So I guess theres more to it than meets the eye.