I know I know this is for the lav room - but many of you dont ever go there…
If you had a 2 year old and a 4 month old…is there ever a reason to let the 2 year old decide bed time? Would you ever let a 2 year old stay up till 1-2am nightly because the word “no” means “no” and they are not ready for bed? Call me nuts but I was thinking 8:30 and if they want to cry to sleep…that is the misery of being 2.
Get it done now before it’s time for school/preschool and they need to be up in the am. 8:00 - 8:30 is what we ended up with and it has worked pretty well. Still on pretty much the same schedule at 6yo. Good luck
Mike
Oh Christ…these are not MY kids!!! I deny having anything to do with any children living or dead.
8:30 seems to me to be quite late for a 2 year old. My 2 year old’s bedtime is 7:30. And no, she does not get a choice in the matter.
never one reason. 9 would be pushing it. depends on how old one is into the twos as they might be phasing out the naps, but they need 12-14 hours of sleep a day. good luck, and am looking forward to the rockman tri, if you can forgive our dated past. used to do a fun ABR bike race in Rock Cut and loved it except for the crappy lip on the wooden bridge. is it still there?
seamus
As my doctor always says “pick your battles wisely…and when you do decide to go to battle…NEVER give in” Bedtime is one of these battles. It promotes good sleep habits which are very critical. I am always amazed at the number of toddlers I see out at the grocery store after 10pm.
I have a 4 year old and a 7 month old. Our 4 year old is one of those kids who does not require much sleep (If he takes a nap during the day of over 1 hour he has trouble geting to sleep at night. He will lay quietly in his bed with the lights off and be unable to fall asleep. No crying, wanting to stay up, etc.) We have a little different schedule as my wife works until 9 pm. Bedtime is usually 9:30 if he has preschool–he has to get up at 8:15. If it is a non school night, he stays up until 10:00. The earliest my wife works is 10:00am, so he gets up at 9:30. She would never see him at night if he went to bed earlier. It works for us.
To answer your question, a 2, 4, or 8 year old should not determine their bedtime. It always bugs me when I see parents arguing with their toddler. There should not be any arguement. Mom/Dad are in charge. The end.
You might try something like, “do you want to go to bed at7:30 or 8:00?”. Then they think they are making the choice.
To answer your question, a 2, 4, or 8 year old should not determine their bedtime. It always bugs me when I see parents arguing with their toddler. There should not be any arguement. Mom/Dad are in charge. The end.
Thank you - glad this is not my child…but being kept up till 1-2am over the holiday weekend by a playing 2 year old seemed odd to me at best. I was however not going to ask what the hell was going on with a 2 year old jumping on my bed (air mattress in the basement) until the wee hours of the AM. Who am I to say “um, this kid is two…why was he not in bed six hours ago”
You are a wise monk. I use this all the time. Do you want to brush your teeth or put your pajamas on first?
My little one saw me put on pajama pants on without underwear when he was 2. To this day he will not wear underwear under his pj’s. I figure no big deal, pick your battles. My bro just shakes his head when my kid stays over.
1-2 am for a 2 year old?! That seems quite unusual. We started good habits for mine as well (now almost 9 and 6) and bedtime is never really an issue (unless a holiday/weekend, then they ask to go to bed late till 9, usually 8:30). Summer is a little tought when it is light out until 9:30, but we are usually playing so much outside, they are tired anyway 
We also use the “choice” thing. Do you want to stay up late (until 9) or go to bed at 8:30. children like choices and feeling “big”. Arguing with little kids gets you no where except to show them that they can get your attention with more arguing!
I love kids. My mother did daycare when I was growing up, I was an RN in child psychiatry and then in general pediatrics and then the peds ICU. Parents who are ineffectively parenting their children get under my skin. Working in child psych taught me a lot about parenting.
Most kids grow up relatively normal. Some do because of their parents, others in spite of them.
No and no. 8:30 is too late in my book for a 2 year old. I have three children, ages 9, 7, and 4. Up until the last year or so, all three were in bed by 7:30 each night - even during the summer. Our 9 and 7 year olds love to read, so now everyone is generally in bed by about 8:00 and they are allowed to read until about 8:30, then it’s lights out (dad then sneaks off to the pool to flail around). 
After reading all the other responses I have a bit of a different attitude. (4, 7, 9 yr olds)
2 year old up until 1 or 2, Ya it might happen, especially around the holidays. Sometimes our family christmas parties run until 11:30 or 12:00 then we have an hour drive, get home, unpack do the get ready for bed thing and sure it could be 2.
As a norm, if you have a semi normal family hours— NO WAY IN HELL.
But I despise parents who say, oh its 6:30 we have to go home little xxx has to be in bed by 7:00. or worst try to put them to bed when at the party while all there cousins are running around. There should be some flexibility.
Our kids never took naps, our 4yr old goes to bed at 7:30 - 8:00 and is usually up by 6 or 6:30 the next morning.
I understand that this case however is “partnership parenting”…meaning that the parent and the 2 year old are “partners” in decisions - bed time included…what an odd world we live in.
I understand that this case however is “partnership parenting”…meaning that the parent and the 2 year old are “partners” in decisions - bed time included…what an odd world we live in.
Heck for todays society thats pretty good. I know a lot there are a dictatorship.
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and the kids in charge.
chip,
your feeling my pain from last year. my wife and i were so frustrated with our 3 y/o we ended up seeing a child shrink about him. the first thing he asked was what time does our son (yuma) go to bed. we said i dunno 9-10, he said NO, 8 pm is the latest unless its for a special reason. the first few days were a little rough but yuma’s behavior got better. so it was worth it.
as for crying, i used to freak out, i hated it, i don’t care for it when its someone else’s kid and found it to be disruptive to other people when its my kid so i did my best to keep it to a minimum. the doctor said i am hyper sensitive to it, but whatever. as for crying in your own house, let them have at it. the doctor recommended it, its a way they can burn off extra steam when they didn’t get enough play time or whatever.
good luck,
Ben
I understand that this case however is “partnership parenting”…meaning that the parent and the 2 year old are “partners” in decisions - bed time included…what an odd world we live in.
You have GTBSM! Partnership parenting with a 2 year old!! How uterly ridiculous! This is the sort of crap that has turned this “Starbucks generation of parents” into a bunch of spoiled, whiny, whimps. Get a frickin backbone and be a parent.
Mark
Now you’re talking.
When parents use choices with kids, it’s not always a bad thng. The parent just needs to remember to control the selection options.
Choices instill a self-control mentality over behavior, which kids carry with them to school.
A great strategy that I have observed is to place both of your hands in front of you with each hand representing a choice. You explain the two choices to your child/student, and they “give you five” on the hand/behavior they choose. The visualality and physicalness of the strategy really works well with younger kids, because they really have to think about what choice they are making and which hand to hit.
“Choices” is one of the best strategies, providing parents of young ones remember to control the choice selection. As kids get older, they can start providing choice options with the parents holding the veto power on ridiculous and unacceptable choice options.
Choice does not mean relenquishing control, although it may be disguising it a little bit.
We often make a deal with our 5yo son to go to bed at 8:30 with one story , or go to bed at 8 with 2 stories. Either way he’s almost always asleep by 9 and wakes at 6:30-7, so he’s getting plenty of sleep. The 2.5 yo girl is early to bed early to rise on her own. She’ll come and tell us (sometimes as early as 7) that she’s ready for bed.
I will say that for us, when our kids were that young, it was much more military than democracy.
The most important thing, IMO, regarding toddler sleep is getting them on a schedule. Similar nightly routine, same bedtime. We usually go play-eat-play-bath-read-bed, night after night.