Sorry for all my posts and comments today! I only have three more days on my current job and before going on vacation plus it’s Friday and I am being a goofball!
Have a great weekend everyone!
Do you know of any good jokes? I have a Friday afternoon meeting with my manager and layoff rumors are floating around. I’m not worried because it will be a good thing.
Anyways, look up some good jokes and post them here.
Slowman, please excuse my (not exactly mine) vocabulary!
The vice-president of a local company had quite a problem. He was told
by his boss to lay off one of his employees, either Mary or Jack.
His choice was a tough one because Mary had been a devoted employee for 10 years and Jack was a fine worker who had a family to support.
At night, the VP tossed and turned in his sleep trying to decide which of his employees he would lay off.
Finally he decided, the first one to come to work tomorrow would be the one. Morning finally comes and the VP waits at the office for one of the two employees to arrive.
At 8:55 Mary walks into the office. “I’ve got a difficult decision” the VP says, “I either have to Lay You or Jack off.”
“Oh? jack-off,” Mary says, “I’ve got a headache.”
A company, feeling it was time for a shake-up, hires a new CEO.
This new boss is determined to rid the company of all slackers.
On a tour of the facilities, the CEO notices a guy leaning on a wall.
The room is full of workers and he thinks this is his chance to show everyone he means business!
The CEO, walks up the guy and asks - “and how much money do you make a week?”
Undaunted, the young fellow looks at him and replies, “I make $200.00 a week. Why?”
The CEO then hands the guy $200 in cash and screams - “here’s a week’s pay, now GET OUT and don’t come back!”
Feeling pretty good about his first firing, the CEO looks around the room and asks - “does anyone want to tell me what that slacker did here?”
With a sheepish grin, one of the other workers mutters -
“Pizza delivery guy”.
Bicycle A Kid was walking to the bathroom, when he saw through the slightly open door, his mother was in there. She was buck naked and looking into the mirror while rubbing her breasts and moaning “I want a man. I NEED a man!”.
The next day, the same thing happens: the kid is about to enter the bathroom and sees his mother rubbing her naked body in front of the mirror “I want a man. I NEED a man”
But the next day, when the kid is on the way to the bathroom, his passes his mother’s bedroom, where some guy is humping her while she screams “I got a man, OH GOD, I got a man!!”.
The kid immediately runs to the bathroom, stripping off his clothes on the way, then stands in front of the mirror rubbing his body saying “I want a bicycle. I NEED a bicycle!”…
One for the kiddies.
A bear and a rabbit were hanging out in the woods, the bear looked at the rabbit and asked, do you have problems with poop sticking to your fur, the rabbit said no.
The bear said good and picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with him.
**Negligee **
A husband and wife were celebrating their 50th anniversary. That night the wife approached her husband wearing the exact same sexy negligee she had worn on their wedding night. She looked at her husband and said, “Honey, do you remember this?”
He looked up at her and said, “Yes dear, I do. You wore that same negligee the night we were married.”
She said, “That’s right. Do you remember what you said to me that night?”
He nodded and said, “Yes dear, I still remember.”
“Well, what was it?” she asked.
He responded, “As I remember, I said, 'Oh baby, I’m going to suck the life out of those big breasts and screw your brains out.”’
She giggled and said, “Yes honey, that’s exactly what you said. So, now it’s 50 years later, and I’m in the same negligee I wore that night. What do you have to say tonight?”
Again he looked up at her, and he replied, “Well, mission accomplished.”