I just talked to some folks at WTC, here’s the deal. They will ask you your expected swim time at registration. If you have done an IM before, they will have all your swim times and use your slowest. If you have done a 70.3, they’ll use double your slowest. The slowest people will be in one line, the fastest in another. Cutoff will be the median swim time.
In the interest of “Change We Can Believe In”, the slowest swimmers will be given fins and arm floaties. The faster swimmers will have to swim through a pen full of fresh water sharks. This should make everyone come out of the water at the same time. The same type of handicapping will happen in the bike and run. The faster bikers will have to bike in the aero position the whole race with their face in a pillow covered in Paulo’s butt sweat, or the butt sweat of a Himalayan yak if Paulo can’t produce enough for the 3,100 entrants. Slower bikers will be allowed to ride mopeds, and we know what they say about riding mopeds!
The faster runners will have to do the regular course but with only 2 water stops. And they only hand out Hammer products and barf bags. The 2 go hand-in-hand you know. Slower runners will be transported to the Airport and get to run the distance on the moving sidewalks in air conditioned comfort. Be careful though, the moving sidewalk is ending……
This should result in every single participant reaching the finish line at the same time, with no one feeling better than anyone else. One big happy commune, you know like the Manson family.
Those needing medical assistance will be the test subjects for Obamacare, and will essentially be allowed to die a slow painful death on the side of the road, with their carcass bloating in the heat like that deer’s carcass that was on the course the first year. Their families will be given milk and cookies.
This should result in every single participant reaching the finish line at the same time
Can’t wait to see the carnage while everyone is jockeying for position for that oh-so-important finisher photo!
Thats pretty funny … triathlon becoming so politically correct and everyone equal … should make us all cry with joy;-)
An error on the “milk and cookies” … thats only for those on welfare assistance … others pay their own way. The gov’t will also charge those who can pay for body removal from the course (sorry).
Thanks for clearing that up…I will print this off and bring it to the group ride tonight because two weeks ago a new guy showed up. So-so rider, a little on the heavy side and was hurting on the hills, but nice guy. Anyway he got to talking and found out a couple of us do triathlons. He started talking about learning to swim, buying some TI DVD’s but never getting to them and then mentioned that he was skipping learning to swim in a pool as he’s got a race coming up so he was just planning on doing a few open water swims with someone following him in a boat. I asked what race he had coming up that he needed to learn to swim for and he said Ironman Louisville! He’s never done a tri but he’s only nervous about the swim, but he picked IMLOO because he thought he could get there super early and have a 2+ hour swim because of the cut off not starting until the last swimmer, but he would have a 30-40 min jump on that time.
Me and another guy asked a little about his training. He’s never ridden more than 80 miles and his longest run was a year ago, and it was about 8 miles but he ran the whole way.
He gave us his predictions too, btw. 2:40-2:45 swim, 5:30 bike and for the run he didn’t know what his time would be but he’s figuring he might have to walk the final mile or two as he doesn’t think he can run much past 20, but he’s ok with that.
This should result in every single participant reaching the finish line at the same time, with no one feeling better than anyone else. One big happy commune, you know like the Manson family.
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Can my kids, grandmother in a wheel chair, dog and wife stumble across the line with me?
Me and another guy asked a little about his training. He’s never ridden more than 80 miles and his longest run was a year ago, and it was about 8 miles but he ran the whole way.
He gave us his predictions too, btw. 2:40-2:45 swim, 5:30 bike and for the run he didn’t know what his time would be but he’s figuring he might have to walk the final mile or two as he doesn’t think he can run much past 20, but he’s ok with that.
Thats allright, there is a race report on BT from a guy who never swam more than 500 meters, and it was all in a pool (no open water), never biked more than 25 miles, and that was all on an exercycle at the gym (no road riding experience!) and all his running was at a track, and never more than 5-6 miles. The race report was from Vineman full, and he managed to stumble across the finish line at around 16:45. I responded to his race report and told him he had no business being on the course, and was a danger to himself and others, but most likely, given that it is BT, my response was removed as not being nice enough. Oh well.
I responded to his race report and told him he had no business being on the course, and was a danger to himself and others, but most likely, given that it is BT, my response was removed as not being nice enough.
Let’s see… he paid his money, followed the rules and finished on time - so until you get appointed the IM Czar your opinion does not matter much on whether he belonged in the event. Maybe your post was pulled from BT because they have a lower threshold for pompous asses than what we have here in the Colleseum of ST.
