With LR residents’ love of words both real and made up, I thought you all would enjoy these. Favorite for inclusion in future LR posts:
Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it.
Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both
stupid and an asshole.
The Washington Post has published the
winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which
readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for
common words.
The winners are:
- Coffee (n.) the person upon whom one coughs.
- Flabbergasted (adj.) appalled over how much
weight you have gained. - Abdicate (v.) to give up all hope of ever having
a flat stomach. - Esplanade (v.) to attempt an explanation while
drunk. - Willy-nilly (adj.) impotent.
- Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which
you absent-mindedly answer the door in your
nightgown. - Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.
- Gargoyle (n.) olive-flavored mouthwash.
- Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks
you up after you are run over by a steamroller. - Balderdash (n.) a rapidly receding hairline.
- Testicle (n.) a humorous question on an exam.
- Rectitude (n.) the formal, dignified bearing
adopted by proctologists. - P okemon (n) a Rastafarian proctologist.
- Oyster (n.) a person who sprinkles his
conversation with Yiddishisms. - Frisbeetarianism (n.) (back by popular demand):
The belief that, when you die, your Soul flies up
onto the roof and gets stuck there. - Circumvent (n.) an opening in the front of
boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
The Washington Post’s Style Invitational once
again asked readers to take any word from the
dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or
changing ONE letter, and supply a new
definition. Here are this year’s winners:
- Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating.
The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
of breaking down in the near future. - Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house,
which renders the subject financially impotent
for an indefinite period - Giraffiti (n) Vandalism spray-painted very,
very high. - Sarchasm (n) The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn’t get it. - Inoculatte (v) To take coffee intravenously
when you are running late. - Hipatitis (n) Terminal coolness.
- Osteopornosis (n) A degenerate disease.
- Karmageddon (n) It’s like, when everybody
is sending off all these really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it’s, like,
a serious bummer. - Decafalon (n.) The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that
are good for you. - Glibido (v) All talk and no action.
- Dopelar effect (n) The tendency of stupid
ideas to seem smarter when they come at
you rapidly. - Arachnoleptic fit (n.) The frantic dance
performed just after you’ve accidentally
walked through a spider web. - Beelzebug (n.) Satan in the form of a
mosquito that gets into your bedroom at
three in the morning and cannot be cast out. - Caterpallor (n.) The c olor you turn after
finding half a grub in the fruit you’re eating. - Ignoranus (n): A person who’s both
stupid and an asshole.