Well, not really, but someone needed to start this thread.
My wife is the worst for never ever letting me forget the one time and only time she had a faster bike split than me at a tri. She still likes to rub it in. Don’t care about the swim or run, but losing to her on the bike was total shame and humiliation. 
Sounds like you need to change your name to slowbiker. :o)
Dave
My wife is the worst since the one and only time she played golf (we played together at one of those crappy 9-hole par 3 courses), she got a hole-in-one. To this day, she innocently (not) tells me she doesn’t understand why I say that golf is a hard sport to master because she has a hole-in-one on 11% of the holes she’s played in her life.