NEWS RELEASE Vancouver (Reuters)
Day 2 - Vancouver Blizzard 2006 - Revenge of the Commuters
Chilled Vancouver commuters faced their second day of winter hell today,
as an additional ¼ centimetre of the peculiar white stuff fell, bringing
the lower mainland to its knees and causing millions of dollars worth of
damage to the marijuana crops. Scientists suspect that the substance is
some form of frozen water particles and experts from Saskatchewan are
being flown in. With temperatures dipping to the almost but not quite
near zero mark, Vancouverites were warned to double insulate their lattes
before venturing out.
Vancouver police recommended that people stay inside except for
emergencies, such as running out of espresso or biscotti to see them
through Vancouver’s most terrible storm to date. The local Canadian Tire
reported that they had completely sold out of fur-lined sandals.
Drivers were cautioned to put their convertible tops up, and several have
been shocked to learn that their SUV’s actually have four wheel drive,
although most have no idea how to use it.
“The government has to do something,” snarled an angry Trevor Warburton. “I
didn’t pay $540,000 for my one bedroom condo so I could sit around and be
treated like someone from Toronto.”