Lost a very good friend today

The Coffee Shop
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I got the news that a very good friend was killed in an accident today.

I don’t know why I feel the need to post this here. I guess I don’t really have many people to talk to. This news is really hitting me very hard. I’ve lost too many people in my life, and there is just no reason that I should feel like I do now.

I lost my sister to a bicycle crash, and had two other friends get turned into vegetables because of silly mistakes on bikes as well.

I watched my father get eaten away by a brain tumor, and I can tell you, there is no feeling in this world like changing your father’s pants because he lost control. There is few hurt in this world like seeing the shame in the eyes of your big strong dad as he looses it and asks for forgiveness for the things he did to you.

I’ve watched as a great friend lost her husband just before she gave birth to their first child.

I’ve held the hands of grandparents as they slipped away.

Too be honest, I’m angry. I’m angry with myself for not being a better person. I’m angry with myself for not being more than I am…

Please, if you’re reading this, try to be nice today. Be understanding to someone who might be messing up. Offer help to someone who needs it. Pick up a few canned goods on the way home from work and drop them off at a shelter. Go down to a nursing home and play cards for and hour with someone who could use some company.

At the very least, smile. Just one time today, when you least want to, smile. When traffic has got you wound up, or if the person in front of you at the store is taking too long, just smile, laugh for a second, and be happy you’re there. Do that for me today and I’ll feel a whole lot better.

Thanks for reading.

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My condolences. I hope you can feel better soon. Paul

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Hang in there brother, we’re with ya.

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Matthew,

Today sucks, but tomorrow will be better, and so on. I hope you can find something constructive to do to keep your mind from focusing on this tragedy. If you like kids, maybe you can find some time to volunteer as a Big Brother, or teach adaptive sports ?? I’ve done those things and the feelings of helping other people are satisfying. Are you training now? Maybe that can help too…

Zev

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sorry to hear that. keep your chin up and remember all of the great times that you had with these people and you’ll keep their spirit alive.

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I lost my entire biologic family – my brother, my mom, my dad – and am the only Lee remaining in our family. I feel your pain. It’s been three years since my mom died, and I suffered for a really long time before the grief lifted. Hang in there. It never goes away, but you begin to remember the happy times. My thoughts are with you.

kate

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I’m sorry to hear about your friend :frowning:

(((hugs))) are being sent your way.

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I can’t even begin to understand your losses. The only thing I can relate to is when I lost my brilliant and brave grandfather to Alzheimers. It was very tough when he apologized in advance to the things he knew he would do and say to his family … particularly to my grandmother. I agree that it is very tough to see someone you idolize gets reduced to a shell of what they once were.

I also sympathize with the pain that you are enduring. I don’t have any wonderful life wisdom to impart or anything like that. BUt, I did want to reiterate a sentiment that you’re likely already familiar with. We can’t grow stronger without resistance. We can’t know what’s really important until we face hardships. I admit when I look at all of your losses, at some point one has to wonder why life seemingly “piles it on” at times.

But, I really wanted to let you know that I admire and respect your attitude. Sure, it’s easy for people to tell others to keep their head up, etc especially when life is good for them. But, to appeal to others to “be nice” and to “do/be more” given your current situation is rare an admirable. I too, often recommend, that people simply smile. Smiles radiate and they’re contagious. Furthermore, one has NO IDEA how influential their nice gesture or smile can be on the life of someone … even a complete stranger. The reward v. effort required for a smile or a nice gesture weighs heavily in favor of the reward … if we simply make that choice more often.

Too be honest, I’m angry. I’m angry with myself for not being a better person. I’m angry with myself for not being more than I am…

Brother, we all feel that way on occassion. I have a favorite quote that says something like “Every morning brings opportunity; every evening judgement.” Each day presents new obstacles for growth, and opportunities to positively impact the lives of others. As the movie series says, “This is your mission … if you choose to accept it.”

I’m hoping you have a great day tomorrow. Don’t hesitate to tell us about it.

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Thanks you for those words.

Thanks to all of you for taking the time out of your day to offer support.

IN the end, what gets me is that I have let the things that are important to me slip away. I miss my home. I miss my friends. I miss some of the great things that I worked to build and now take for granted.

I have moved around quite a bit in the last few years, undoubtedly searching for something that has been right in front of me for so long. I got so caught up in being a fast triathlete that I missed the really good stuff.

This last year I have lived in Chandler, AZ and hated every minute of it. Not that this is a bad place, but that I think I finally got to the point in life that I realized where home is. My Home is Boulder. My friends, my life, all the things that are important to me are there, and I’ve made the decision to leave it… TWICE now! Very silly. You can be sure that my next move will be back to Boulder, for good. And it’ll be as soon as I can get there.

It got me thinking, what’s important? Sure it’s easy to say family and friends, and they are important. But your life and its sum are equally important. Where you live, what you like to do for personal time, who you like to be around and also WHAT you like to do with those people.

I’ve been chasing something that doesn’t exist and overlooking the things that make life grand. My friend passing has brought up so many memories with him. We would head into the mountains of Boulder for hours and hours just running wherever we felt like going. Once a week during the winter we would hit the trails and just go until we could barely walk. 2 hour minimums were the standard. We used to take epic rides out east and get caught in hail and rain and freeze our asses off. The coldest I’ve ever been on a bike was in May in the rain. Soaked to the bone and 40 miles form home. We would sit up and work on our bikes together, or just head down to the café and surf slowtwitch and ebay. (long before I started posting)

It wasn’t so much that we were triathletes or what it was that we were doing, but where we were, who we were with, and the purpose of doing it. Be it playing checkers, visiting museums, or going to LA night clubs looking for stars, we all have things and places and people that we enjoy in different ways. That’s what makes being a human so much damn fun!

There in NO PERSON ALIVE that I can’t learn something from or that doesn’t have an experience that would be FACINATING if you really took the time to listen.
Most of all though, listen to yourself, appreciate the things that you have worked for, and go out and get the things that you want. Experiences, places, money, family, friends and just about anything you can think of. It all has a place here. It all has meaning to someone, somewhere.

Go enjoy it.

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Sorry for your loss.
I went to a 20 year old’s funeral today. Meningitis.
Lots of other lesser, but unfortunate things, happening.

Seems like a sad season this year. Anybody else feeling that?

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I don’t know why I feel the need to post this here. I guess I don’t really have many people to talk to.

You know this is one of the reasons we are all here on Slowtwitch. Before the Internet and forums and BBS, we were limited to meeting up at the races like mountain men meeting at the spring rendevous. So, the point is, you have a lot of people to talk to, and a lot of people are listening to you. Thinking of something to say back is the hard thing, so not that many people will or can answer you back. But, they are thinking about you.

As for me, like someone else has mentioned, my Mom has started down the road of Alzheimers. My Dad hasn’t publicly acknowledged it. He works incredibly hard to be patient with her. I cannot believe his devotion. My siblings that live close to my parents don’t understand the affect the disease has on her brain and her behavior, and I am stuck 3,000 miles away on the wrong coast to be of much help.

I feel more frustration than anger, and much too much sadness for a parent that is still living. It is something that I need to learn to deal with quickly. I suppose I should focus on the bright side. My immediate family consists of three brothers and one sister. We have a combined lifespan of
246 years, plus my parents. That is pretty remarkable, all things given.

Maybe another direction for you is to work on finding and focussing on the positives in your life.

To better days.

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LA Woof…I’m in Denver…come visit, I’d like to meet you. Your biking and mountain adventuring is exactly the type of stress relief I NEED !

slo-mo You are brave, keep it up !

Parkito Sorry to hear about your Mom. I lost my Grandmother to Alzheimers about twenty years ago, and it still pains me to think of the changes that occured to such a lovely woman before she passed. My other experience with the ALS happened last month when I was jolted by the presence of Jon Blaise at the Kona race. Sadly, he is not the same guy we all cheered on last year…

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I’m sorry for your loss. Thank you for posting this, as I read this post, it made up my mind for me to fly bck home for a few days to spend some holiday time with the family. I even was able to book a flight leaving Christmas day (Thank you to Desert Dudette for giving up half of Christmas day with me so that I can spend a small portion of Christmas night with my family on the east coast)

I probably would have stayed here in AZ if not for this post. So thank you for sharing you suffering, know it help others today.

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I got the news that a very good friend was killed in an accident today.

Tell us a story about a good time you had with your friend.

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M–I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. But like parkito said, you have lots of friends here who will listen. I found that out a couple of months ago when my mom died. Some really great people here. Know that we are thinking about you.

clm

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  • I lost my entire biologic family – my brother, my mom, my dad – and am the only Lee remaining in our family. I feel your pain. It’s been three years since my mom died, and I suffered for a really long time before the grief lifted.*

I’ve never lost a family member but I can imagine the pain - to lose all of your close relatives would be devastating. Even though I don’t spend a lot of time with my family (I live overseas), knowing they are there is important.

I’m glad that you have made it through the grief.