Mr. Tibbs: I truly admire this post. Now get ready for a long read.
This is a paradigm developed by Prochaska that you may have seen. This is a good outline for your understanding of where your wife might be at. It sounds like she is in the contemplation phase. Precontemplation Uninformed about the risk and need for change, uninterested in changing behavior Contemplation Thinking about change in the near future (next six months) Preparation Ready to make a change in the next month Action Implementation of specific action plans for six months Maintenance Continuation of desirable actions for greater than six months, or repeating periodic recommended step(s) Relapse* Successfully accomplished a behavior change in the past, but later returned to the unhealthy behavior
I have some advice for you based on my experience with my mother, who has/had the same ‘stats’ as your wife. She used to be a very lean woman, but started to gain weight when she was 40. She is now 60, and at a serious risk for all kinds of health disorders. I am a medical professional, as well as an athlete, and have been encouraging her to change by getting into fitness for the past 10 years. I found that the more that I “encouraged” her (she regarded it as pushing her), the more she resisted, and the less she wanted to talk about it. Like your wife, my mother raised the issue repeatedly, so obviously she wanted to make a change. She joined many eating programs and gyms, and dropped out each time. My experience with my mother is that the drastic change of trying to alter both her eating and her level of activity was too extreme, and just zapped her of energy. Also, being around my sister and me (we are both athletes), is very intimidating. She thought that fitness meant 1+ hours per day of exercise, 6 days per week (and you know that we do MUCH more than that as triathletes). This is VERY exhausting and intimidating to anybody. My mother was also shy to go to the gym, because she was/is big, while there are so many teeny-tiny women walking around in skimpy clothing. So this is the background. Fast forward to 7 months ago.
After extensive research, my mother found a gym that she liked (it has a women’s only section). In her words, this is where the “fatties” go. Then, on my recommendation, she got herself a personal trainer, and was TOUGH with him. She had hired trainers in the past, but they were “TOO MUCH” - high energy, and had her working WAY to hard. As a result, she got injured and quit (relapse). This time, she told him exactly what she wanted, based on guidelines that I gave her. She informed her trainer of my education, and extensive experience with athletic physiology, so that he was aware that all would be run by me. The result has been fantastic. She has been going to the gym for 7 months, and having fun. FUN IS THE KEY. I told her that she needed a program that was LOW in weights (even if she was able to work harder). In general, the saying “no pain, no gain” is a crock of crap. She has not had any pain (just a little muscle stiffness, which is good), and no injuries. She works with her trainer doing very light weights and light intensity aerobics on the bike and treadmill. You can see the fat starting to drop. It is slow, but she is getting fitter, and you can tell.
Ultimately, I believe that this 7-month success is a result of 3 things over and above my mothers desire to change. First, she has realized that you don’t need to go to the gym 6, 5 or even 4 days a week. You can go for 1, 2 or 3 times a week for 20/30 minutes, have fun, and still see a change (she now goes ~3x per week for 1 hour). Plus if she only goes once in the week, she doesn’t beat herself up about it. Second, her personal trainer. He does not push her too hard, and is kind of like a training partner. She makes the commitement to meet him, and they have fun. Finally, the intensity of the exercise has been perfect. Unlike the crazy training that we do, which makes us tired and useless, her workouts actually do make her feel better! She is not sore or tired, but feels revived and stronger (not to mention the weight loss). She has a very active life in general, as she still works full time, and has two dogs that she walks everyday for at least 45 minutes. This extra gym time has made all the difference.
Final thoughts: My mother is not a “cold turkey” person when it comes to her weight loss. Too many times she would say: “That’s it, tomorrow I start exercising for one hour a day and eating healthy”, probably modeled after my sister and me. This would quickly fail, obviously. It sounds like your wife might be similar, and need small changes. I’m so proud of my mother now, even though she has not lost a ton of weight, she is going in the right direction. I don’t offer much/any input anymore, I just ask her how her workout was, and she usually says “fun”. Again, FUN is the key - otherwise why do it at all?
Anyway, I hope that this long winded story has helped you out a bit.
