Looking for opinions from other divorced dads (and moms). I am in Denver and have a fantastic new job opportunity in Chicago where I am originally from. I love CO and am ambivalent about IL. but my last two years in CO. have beaten me up pretty good! I have been in three companies, one start up I left as my boss was a felon, one start up imploded, and I got fired from a company last Spring after tearing my acl and having to take time off (Bastard SOB’s). I am pretty loaded up with medical bills from surgery and rehabbing my knee and need to earn as much as possible right now.
As of today, I am looking at a great job, managing a cool motorsports business that I have experience in, and making close to a six figure base salary(!!!)
I am wanting to hit my head on a boulder now! I have twin girls in 5th grade that I love more than anything in the world, and I have them with me 50% of the time. I cannot force my ex to move so I feel like my only way I might be able to not implode is to bargain for some kind of built in travel schedule, like one week in CO after every two weeks in IL or working four ten hour or twelve hour days then spending three days in CO at a set interval.
I am looking at other opportunities in Denver but haven’t landed anything yet. Cash flow is sporadic (from a company I sold and owed commissions) and not enough to keep me going much longer with medical bill payments hurting me.
Looking for original ideas…my head is gonna explode
I have twin girls in 5th grade that I love more than anything in the world, and I have them with me 50% of the time.
I think you should always do whatever allows you to be close to those you love more than anything in the world. If you do, then they are more important than money or paying bills. If you had 3 jobs in the last little while, there will be more out there even if they don’t pay as well as the opportunity in Chicago.
You will never get the time back that you were away from your kids and no amount of money will ever change that.
The time with your daughters you will never get back, and they won’t remember you for what a great employee you were. Trust me, the time will pass you by before you know it, so do what is necessary to avoid regret. Being a dad is the most rewarding job in the world.
if you need to make more money, then you have to buck up and make some tough decisions.
divorce is hard, it’s heartbreaking. but if you need to work, and earn money, then the tough reality is that you probably need to take the job, and be thankful that you’ll have enough money to afford the travel schedule.
with bills piling up and little job opportunities, what else can you do. everybody has bills, and saying love will conquer all & is more meaningful…well, i disagree with that, especially when you can build in the travel schedule.
alot of people don’t want to say it–but money makes the world go around. i’ve been with it, and i’ve been without it. life sure seemed better to me when i had it, things were much less stressful.
plus your kids are going to need financial support. love can’t buy braces, college tuition, etc. it all costs money. so go earn it.
this doesn’t mean you cannot travel to see them. your job won’t require you to work on weekends, right? is there an airport nearby? great, then fly back and see them all you want to. you’ll be able to afford it.
just because you won’t live in the same city doesn’t make you less of a father, less of a parent, less of anything. yes, it’s tough, but nobody ever said life would be easy.
Don’t move. Keep looking for a job in the area. You’ve only got 7 more years with them before they’re off on their own and it’s going to go by in a flash. Stick it out, be close to them for those 7 years. You won’t regret it.
Life is all about survival. Moving does not mean you love your girls any less. Having a job that pays $$$ puts you in a position to make child support payments and create a college fund for them. Chicago to Denver is not that far so you could potentially fly in a couple times a month and they could fly to see you during school vacations. Also, through the magic of the internet you could chat and see your girls daily through a web cam. Whatever you do make sure you have all your legal bases covered and try to keep a good relationship going with your ex.
if somebody cannot get a decent job, meet their bills, what kind of position is this for parenting?
it’s hard times, people have to do what they need to do. i don’t understand it. if the job thing was working out, obviously that’s choice A. but what if it doesn’t? go on skid row, go into financial crisis? again, that’s not being responsible–that is worse than moving to provide for the family. kids are tougher than we give credit for.
Kids need and want one thing from their parents - time. Someone above said life is a bitch and you gotta make hard decisions. That’s right…now make the hard decision to turn down your great job offer and keep scraping by until something turns up in CO. Don’t ever get fooled by someone into thinking that “providing well” for your kids equals loving them.
It is a a tough choice, but in reality if you have no real opportunities in your current location, and with your resume it doesn’t seem that you are an ideal hire, 3 different jobs in a short period of time. I’d take the job with the money
Would you rather be close to your kids all the time, but have no money and be unable to afford to live and be with them.
I went through this but it was my ex that wanted to move to B.C. from Ontario. At the time my daughter was just turning 16 so could go wherever she wanted and chose to go with her mother. It was my 11 yr old son that was my major concern and at first I refused to consent since by law she couldn’t take him out of Ontario unless I agreed. But then I talked to my son and found out he wanted to move to B.C. for the skiing (they were moving to a ski resort town in the interior). We worked out an arrangement where I had my kids for X-mas, March break and summers. Once my daughter started college she only came to either home periodically but kept in touch with both her mom/dad regularly. The bottom line is that we have two well balanced kids that love both their parents equally. My son even returned to my neck of the woods to go to college so he would be near me and my side of the family.
Its a tough call in your case. The reality is that you need a good job to support yourself and kids. Just be assured that it can work out just fine between you and the kids if you do decide to move.
A motorsports business btw. Way too cool. Just be sure to let me know if they want to hire anybody else.
I wish it was that easy. At they age of the girls, being there is more important than money. A couple more years and money will be more important. +on everything else that has been said.
